Jump to content

I'm heartbroken. Advice would be very appriciated..


Michelle24
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hey Everyone, I'm going through a really hard time and I'd appriciate some opinions. I'm sorry it's really long..I just want everyone to know the whole story.

 

I went out with my boyfriend for 4 months. I know it doesn't seem like that long, but I really love him and we spent everyday together. Everything was great until friday. We were at the bar, and I was talking about school. (We are both 24 and he graduated college last year) ..well he gave me an ultimatum, saying "If i'm not registered for at least one class by monday it's over..but If I do he'd take me out to dinner." Now there was one problem with that. I never graduated high school. And I never told him. It's not like I lied to him, it just never came up. It's something Ive always been ashamed of. He got really mad, but we talked about it that night and he said he was going to help me get my GED. He asked me why exactly I didn't finish school, and I told him how I was molested when I was 17 and in a depression. i only told one other person that in my whole life. we went to sleep and I left in the morning.

 

Okay..now all day saturday he didn't call me. ( I would stay over his house every night) So I decided to call him at 11pm to see why he didn't call. and he said he was at a bar and maybe he'd call me later. which he didn't..and was not like him.

 

Sunday..I called him to see what he wanted for dinner(i made dinner every sunday) He said he was going to eat home, and he wanted me to come over at 9 to "talk" he sounded all weird on the phone. so I kinda have a funny feeling he was going to break up with me.

 

Ok so I get there..he jumps in my car and say" This isn't working out. It has nothing to do with the school thing. My hearts just not into it anymore. The first 2 months were amazing and you taught me a lot. I truly want to be friends, I really mean it. We can watch Greys anatomy every week" He seemed really sincere. He actually started crying and he was really upset. I didn't really say anything I just said I'm upset, but I appriciate your honesty, and I do want to be friends. The last thing he said to was me was "Ok I'll talk to ya"

 

Now...heres the big problem. It's Tuesday night already and I haven't heard from him. I haven't called or anything. We've both been on aim everyday which is hard but I haven't made any contact. I truly want to get back together with him. i feel It was the whole school thing and molested thing that made him back away?? I have no idea. This was so sudden. I'm heartbroken and I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't know what to do. Can someone please give me some advice? Thank you:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Welcome to ENA.. sorry you're feeling so down. Sounds to me like he really did feel that it was over, otherwise he wouldn't have given you an ultimatum. Also, he wouldn't have gotten into an argument with you when you told him about not having graduated highschool... that was probably very difficult to tell someone.

 

I know how it can seem like you have been going out much longe rthan you really have been when you see each other everyday. I feel that he is just telling you that he wants to be firends to assuage his guilt.

 

As for wanting to get back together with him, do you really want to be with someone that will lay out ultimatums to you? That will seek to control you instead of just supporting your own growth that you strive for yourself? You should seek someoen that accepts you the way you are.

 

I would suggest you take a long, hard look at whetehr you want to change yourself to try and be *his* ideal... as opposed to *your* ideal. In the end, he walked away...

 

I know you are heartbroken, but try and get some distance. It's tough when it is so sudden to you, but I would suggest *not* trying to be firends with him right away and *definitely* not try to get back together. Be your own person...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey michelle... i know you dont wanna hear this, but from now on dont look at the myspace. It may not say anything bad now, but one day sooner or later it will. For me it was like 4-5 days later. And then all the sudden all my pics were gone from her account among other things.... that burned a hole right in the chest. Save yourself the misery and dont look anymore.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks Nj Ron..When I asked him how he could threaten our relationship like like, he said that it was called "tough love" and things really were great before friday. I really truly want to be back together with him. I just don't know if I should call him, or wait for his call?

 

i also have a lot of my stuff at his house and visa versa..I just don't know what to do? how long should I wait to call if I don't hear from him?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey michelle... i know you dont wanna hear this, but from now on dont look at the myspace. It may not say anything bad now, but one day sooner or later it will. For me it was like 4-5 days later. And then all the sudden all my pics were gone from her account among other things.... that burned a hole right in the chest. Save yourself the misery and dont look anymore.

 

 

Yeah I know I shouldn't ..I end up looking at it several times a day. I can't help myself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He has been honest with you about what he wants so now you have to respect that and back away from him. If he calls you fine, but try not to spend too much of your time & energy thinking about it, even though I know it will be difficult. Find some other friends or family members to hang out with in order to help keep your mind off of it. Chin up, good luck, and hugs.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He has been honest with you about what he wants so now you have to respect that and back away from him. If he calls you fine, but try not to spend too much of your time & energy thinking about it, even though I know it will be difficult. Find some other friends or family members to hang out with in order to help keep your mind off of it. Chin up, good luck, and hugs.

 

 

Thanks dogheadma...Well he said he wanted to be friends. ..and even if he doesnt want to get back together, i still want to be friends with him. I just don't know how long to wait to contact him? Or if no matter what i should wait for him first?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well.. you shouldn't be friends with him until you don't really care if you are friends with him. Before then, you will probably have ulterior motives.

 

"Tough Love" has no place in your situation. It's not like you were using drugs or doing something harmful that required "tough love"... you were just being you. He wants to change you. That's not a good influence.

 

Don't contact him for at least a couple of weeks and then, if you do... only to arrange to switch stuff.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

*hugs*

 

As far as myspace, you could block his page, there are settings that let you do that. Like Torn&Tattered, I've been there myself and saw him slowly remove traces of our relationship, saw myself moving down his top list...I don't want to see it the day I'm removed from it completely.

 

Right now being friends with him is going to be too hard for you, since you will have romantic goals, and he won't. How long should you wait to contact him? When you're sure that you can hear all the juicy details about any new relationship that he might have and imagine him sharing everything with another girl...and be happy for him. Genuinely happy. When that kind of information is no longer a dagger through your heart, you may be ready to give him a call and hang out. Until then, even if he contacts you, keep it brief...it's all too easy to give in to false hope when you have a longer conversation...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey there Michelle,

 

I have to say I agree with NJRon. He wants to you to be something you are not, or someone like him. A college graduate and whatnot. He is placing expectations on you that he has no right to.

 

It would be one thing if YOU asked for his help to get into a GED program but him to be presumptuious and say he is going to help you is not good. You have to be ready on your own to take that step and make changes in your life, not because he wants you too.

 

IMO, he wants the friendship to ease the guilt he has for breaking up with you. I see it on this forum over and over again. And him crying, try not to take that a sign he wants or would want to get back together with you. I cried when I broke up with my ex but I was no where near wanting to get back together with him, it was just agonizing breaking someone's heart.

 

I believe your ex was trying to mold you into someone you are not. I believe he cannot handle your past and did not know where to go with it. It was not "tough love." You did nothing wrong. You are bring you and true to yourself. If he cannot handle whom you are, then he is not the one for you.

 

As far as your things at his place, if they are just mundane things, like clothes, CDs shampoo and whatnot, I would forget about them, But things that are valuable and sentimental, I would either have a friend pick them up for you, or have them sent you. He needs to deal with the consquences of breaking up with you, he cannot have it both ways.

 

I am so sorry you are hurting. Post here as much as you need, there is a ton of support here.

 

 

(((hugs)))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...