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problem with friends getting jealous


shorty20
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I have a friend that has severe emotional problems and is very depressed. She's done alot of it to herself, lets guys walk all over her, thinks having sex with a guy is going to make him fall in love with her, etc... she moved to California 2 years ago, and due to a fallout with friends down there decided to move back to our town. Every time something happens that she dosen't want to deal with, she moves. So, she moved back and expects me to have all this time for her. I'm planning my wedding and taking care of my fiance (for those of you who follow my post know about all that) and on top of that working full time! She got mad at me because she called me and I forgot to call her back. She said she should just move back to California where she has friends that will return her calls... at first i was nice and apologized for forgetting to call her back and told her i was very busy and stressed. But then she kept with the attitude trying ot make me feel guilty and I finally just told her I didn't need the added stress of her attitude. I don't understand why she can't understand how much I have going on right now! It's not that I don't want to talk to her, it's just that it's not the first thing on my mind with everything else going on. Am I in the wrong? Should I be making more of an effort to spend time with her? I just have so much other stuff going on right now that the free time I do get, I usually end up passing out from being so tired...

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You do have a lot to deal with, and it makes sense that you would focus on those things, ie. planning your wedding. It's not altogether fair of her to expect to move back to where you are and that you'll then just have all sorts of free time to spend together.

 

That said, I'm sure it would mean a LOT to her if you returned her calls within a day or so, even if it's for five minutes, even if it's just to say hi and let her know that you're thinking of her. It doesn't take much, but from the sounds of it she's pretty overwhelmed and sad, and needing some reassurance, and since you guys have been friends for quite a while I think she trusts that you'll be able to be there for her in the way she needs.

 

She doesn't have to be the first thing on your mind, but as one of her closest friends, I think she just wants to know that she IS on your mind. If you don't think you necessarily have a lot of time to spend with her right now, tell her that, but then point out that you still want to be there to talk with her, and arrange a time when you guys could have a heart-to-heart on the phone, maybe when you're driving somewhere?

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That said, I'm sure it would mean a LOT to her if you returned her calls within a day or so, even if it's for five minutes, even if it's just to say hi and let her know that you're thinking of her.

 

I totally agree. I have a friend that calls numerous times a day because he has no job, gf, and doesnt go to school. Im a busy guy and cant talk to him all the time... but when I find myself with a free 5 mins or so, I give him a call and let him know Im busy as hell, and even though he doesnt usually believe me, it keeps him from having a spaz attack like he likes to do when I dont return his calls.

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