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Breaking up with my best friend's sister. HELP!


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I started dating my best friend's sister about 5 years ago. We moved in together yet in the last year the romance has gone. We are more like roommates at this point who occasionally have sex. We were very different people and that's what sparked the initial attraction, yet now those differences have become a burden. She has very few friends, while I have many. I always feel guilty when I go out and she sits at home alone. We have had the relationship talk numerous times and I think that it might be time to call it quits. I think we would be better off as friends and not lovers (yet she has stated that we could never be friends because she would always want to get back together).


I'm looking for some advice on how to handle this break up. We currently live together, so moving her out would be difficult (how do you do that? Do I help her move her stuff? Do I crash at a friend's for a few weeks and stay out of it?). She is in school and financially dependant upon me. I am extremely close with her family whom live in town. She would most likely move in with her sister (my best friend). Not sure how her family will react nor my best friend. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I attempt to move forward.




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Welcome to Enotalone!


I'm confused. Is this your place? Or did you get it together? If it's both of yours, together, then you will need to talk to her about who will need to go and who gets to stay.


Breaking up when you live together kind of makes breaking up a lot harder. I would talk to her and tell her how you feel. If this is what you really want, then let her know that you both need to talk about what belongs to who.


Who knows how she will react. She might be perfectly ok with it because maybe she sees that things aren't so great either. Or maybe she won't react well at all. But you need to deal with things one step at a time. If you need to go stay with a friend for a few days while she moves her stuff out, then that might need to be the case.


First thing though is that you need to let her know what you are thinking.

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Well, other than the "my best friend is her sister" part, my situation was exactly like what you described. Based on my situation, and the experience that I went through in the breakup is:


1) Make sure this is absolutely what you want. Once you start the domino effect there is no turning back from this.


2) More than likely you are going to lose her friendship, maybe for a short time while she recovered or maybe never. So when deciding this factor, you have to know that their is a possibility you may lose it all.


3) Meow is bang on with the "Breaking up when you live together kind of makes breaking up a lot harder." It really feels like the relationship is being completely abandoned. You both created a life together in this home. You forged forward believing things will be great. So when one person has to move out, its painful....extremely painful.


Be sure in your mind this is what you want. If you want to save a friendship, then be as respectful of the situation as possible. I know in my experience we didn't and now its an awful mess. Its hard, no doubt about that. Do whats right for you, its the only right thing you can do.


And maybe taking a "break" would be better than breaking up....taking some time apart to reflect on things.. come to some understanding of yourself...and then coming back and talking about it may also help. Communication, especially in a situation like this, is extremely important.

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I definitely am not underestimating the rammifications of this decision. I feel like I need to make a decision within the next two months. I know this is horrible, but if I decide to abandon this relationship, I'd like to do it at the end of the school semester, so that her grades won't suffer (and give her time to move out before going back to class) In my mind, this is a nice gesture, but a lot of things appear good in my mind.

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Hey bvilla,


I think you are a very considerate person. It's a very difficult situation, but not uncommon. What I miss in your story is if you have ever addressed this to your gf. Do you BOTH feel as if the spark is gone, or is that just the way you feel? Because I think talking about the issues that form the 'burden' you mention might help you to get insight in her view.


I don't know if postponing makes any sense. The blow is a blow, and there are always reasons why a break up is unconvenient. For no one, a break up was ever at a convenient point in life. Well, except for me, one time I had a break up and my life was already such a mess, that I really didn't care, it just added to the misery that was already there. So that was in fact convenient.



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Oh they'll suffer...no matter what. Your breakup will be on the fold of a new semester...again...exactly same situation. This time last year I was having the same thoughts. Wondering if I had made a wrong decision....she moved out on Feb2 of last year...and it was the worst day of my life....


This is absolutely incredible. I really do feel for ya mate, because I know exactly what you are going through. Every thought, scenario, and outcome I ran through in my head after the dominos started to fall...Needless to say not one of them ended where I expected....


Talk to her. Really talk to her. Tell her your feelings. Tell her your thoughts. Tell her your needs. If you don't you'll regret it. Their was a reason why you have been together for 5 years. And maybe the romance isn't as good as it was, but thats only replaced with friendship, respect, and admiration. Trust me on this. Anyone can enjoy the honeymoon, but its the relationship that needs to be constantly worked on....Just talk to her. And if both of you know whats going on, then maybe you can solve it together. And if you can't, at least you know you tried your best to hold it together....and you can both move on knowing you respected one another enough to deal with it maturely.


I wish someone had smacked me upside the head when things began to turn. I thought I had done the right thing by letting her move out. In the end, it was the biggest mistake I have made to date. It changed the course of my life...

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