What To Do?

[T.A.M.M88]

Ok here's my problem.

I am in a relationship which has been lasting a year now, we fell in love and after a few months we moved in together.

We spent all of our time together and still do.

But over time it seems hes stopped trying to impress me. He owns his own flat and i live with him, but over time things have been getting very stressful.

He has become lazy, and everywhere he goes he makes a mess which gets left there for 2 days or 3 days until i tidy it up; or what happens now is that i just do it striaght away because it depresses me to live in a mess. Im not saying he never tidys up, its just like 2% of what i do.

Another thing is that he doesnt take care in his appearance, i mean his shoe fal apart, his clothes have holes in.

 

The worst thing though He is moodier than I! Over the first few months he had a habit of just hopping in his car and running off to his house everytime he was annoyed.

Now he just locks himself in his room as he has now!

Another thing is he jumps to conclusions all the time, AND its so petty. I was talking to my dad yesterday about fixing a table we were giving to him, and he just got pissedoff and offended that i didnt think he could do it. Which wasnt true!

 

I feel like this](*,) a lot of the time and i dont know what to do! I feel like im being shut outall the time and i think that im starting to be driven away and i feel like i cant handle it anymore.

 

At the moment he is shutting me out because he is quittin smoking nd is annoyed for some reason but i dont know why. he has even lockedthe door to keep me out.

I dont know what to do.

 

Help?!

[Relationship Coach]

Welcome to ENA!

 

It really sounds like he is trying to create some space, some alone time. I'm not sure what has happened in your relationship but communication is vital at this point, locking his door will solve nothing. You need to address with him how you are feeling and what you are observing which concerns you. Quitting smoking can certainly put a person on the edge but there is more to this I'm sure. Get him to talk and uncover the real issues, then we can work on them.

 

RC

[Meow18]

Welcome to Enotalone!

 

I have to say I agree with Relationship Coach. I think there is something more going on with your boyfriend and you need to talk to him about it.

 

It's not ok to run away from problems in a relationship because that will never solve anything. He needs to open up and explain what he's feeling, otherwise the relationship is not going to work.

[dogheadma]

It sounds like he is having some problems that he isn't willing or isn't able to share so he is exhibiting them in passive aggresive ways. These actions will only serve to sabatoge your relationship and you need to get him to open up to you about what's bothering him. Quitting smoking is probably just making him all the more irritated. He needs to express these feelings to you. Communication is vital for the health of your relationship and it looks like it will be up to you to get the ball rolling. Just explain to him the behaviors you have mentioned here and let him know you are concerned and would like to be of help. Be caring & patient. Let him know you want the two of you to be able to share your thoughts with each other whatever they may be; good, bad, deep, funny, or whatever. He's going to have to trust you. Let him know you're there for him.

[T.A.M.M88]

see here's the thing ive talkedto him about it. He used to run off alot, i mean once it was3 times in a week. Another he didnt speak to me for 3 days.. I talked to him and he realises that he shouldnt shut me out but he still does. Even when he says sorry for it it just still hurts anyway.

 

i agree giving up smoking irritates him further, and more frequently but its mainly not to do with the non smoking, just things in general.

[dogheadma]

You might suggest to him that seeing a therapist might help to him figure out why he is so afraid to communicate.

[Relationship Coach]

Because he has developed a pattern in cutting you off at the path, this is going to require a severe wake up call. A relationship such as yours is going to end sooner than later if you don't make a real quick decision as to what you are willing to tolerate. He is giving you the equivalent of crumbs here in the way a mutual relationship. It's time to either accept his ways and have a miserable life or tell him that you are unsatisfied and will no longer tolerate his behavior.

 

Sometimes it's best to walk away in cases like this so he can realize what he has lost. You sound like you deserve better and I'm not so sure he wants to put in the effort. I rarely ever suggest ultimatums but if you can't get what you need from this relationship, it may be time to let him know that if things don't change your mailing address will.

 

RC