Very Confused

[2lil2hurt]

Im not sure if I am posting in the right section but here I go.....

 

I was with my bf for a little under 2 years. We lived together and for the most part had a great relationship. Of course like any other couple we had our arguments but we always seemed to get through them. We had just come back from a vacation in the DR when 4 days later we broke up. I didnt expect this at all, we took a couple of days apart and then spoke and decided to try and work things out.

 

For the next month things were going well. We started to live apart and our relationship was finally improving - we had space to miss each other. I started to get suspicious of his behavior. To make a long story short...We spent last sat-sun together. We went out to dinner then to a club with friends and had a good night. The next day I decided I felt something was wrong and told him I couldnt do it anymore that either he had to commit or to let go.

 

I wrote him a letter in which I explained my feelings as to where and why I was having all these feelings. Then we met up to talk and I gave him another letter saying that I would be willing to try if he was. Again we deided to just take some space to sort things out, both agreeing not to see other people. I got him to admit that while we were broken up he had met someone else. He told me that there was no interest.

 

Low and behold I go to find out the next that he was hanging out with her. I dont understand why? He told me that his friends dont want to hear about our problems and she offered to listen. I think this is all BS, a girl doesnt come from NJ to NY to listen to a guy talk about his gf/ ex-gf. Then he told me he doesnt love me anymore...is it possible to just stop loving someone? Could it just be that he is using the girl as a distraction? Is it possible to go from one girl to another?

 

I thought this individual was the person I was going to end up with. It hurts to be without him and since it literally just came out of nowhere is very confusing. I dont know what to think or expect. I know I shouldnt want him but i do. I want him to realize what we had. Fri evening I received an email from him saying that he was sorry and didnt mean for things to be like this. He also said that he told her that he didnt want to hang out alone and she wasnt welcomed in the apt. (I dont believe this) but I did not respond. He left off that who knows what would happen and I took this email as his way of holding onto me. I have been holding No contact since that date. I am hoping that if I sit back that he will miss me and come around. Am I doing the right thing? We are broken up, do I have a chance that he might come back?

 

Sorry for the length but I am so confused, any advice is greatly appreciated!

[Derailed]

Don't you just hate relationship sabotuers? Waiting for a relationship to weaken, and jump in for the kill? Seriously, they are the lowest form of life on our planet. I want to round them all up and set them on fire. This girl will have negative karma bite her in the *** someday.

 

This makes me mad. What your ex did was no excuse. Ditching you because he found someone who he thought was better, giving up your relationship so he could scratch an itch... I know you love him and would want nothing more but to have him back, but HE IS A DOUCHEBAG. Ok?

 

If you still have questions you want answered, and feel that you need it for closure and faster healing, then do a dialogue with him. I got this all done in the 1st week after break-up, after which I launched an all-out NC (no contact). It helps because you have no unanswered questions to hold you back. but if you feel that you've had the closure that you needed, then by all means continue NC.

 

Give him his space, and give yourself space. Give him time to catch up with the guilt. He might even start to wonder and miss you after the long silence (though I don't really want to give you false hope). Either way, let NC do its thing, at least for your faster healing.

 

Goodluck. Keep us updated.

[robowarrior]

Your doing the wrong thing, you see you are hanging onto a dead dream. You have this vision of you two being together, but i tell you to listen to your 'gutt feeling' because its usually right, this guy is no good for you. The fact that he cheated behind your back is where you should have drawn a line and have said to yourself. YOU DONT WANT TO BE WITH A LIAR!.

 

At this point its VITAL for you to understand that you have come to a dead-end road. The only thing you can do is turn your car around and head back to the highway. Seriously get yourself a nice,trustworthy guy who puts you as his nr.1 in life. Watch out for them traps, as you don't always know what a guy is searching for in his life. And about him leaving you?well that's his loss, not yours.

[laboheme]

While I may be a hypocrite here, I have to tell you that you're doing NC for the wrong reasons...When you replied to my post, you said that it's important to keep busy and do things that make you happy...So that's what you should do! Don't sit around hoping that he's going to come back...move on for your sake and your sake only.

 

Yes, he apologized and said he didn't mean for things to end up like that. Unfortunately, that's all that means. It's entirely possible that he does feel sorry for what happened and didn't expect it to come to this...but it doesn't change the fact that he's getting to know someone else and claims to not love you anymore. As for him saying that who knows what will happen, don't look at it as anything more than a cliche thing to say to take some responsiblity/guilt off of his shoulders. Don't let it give you false hope!

 

And yes, it's entirely possible to go from one person to another -- people do it all the time! And falling out of love...is usually a gradual process, but it tends to take us by surprise when we're told about it. His feelings probably started fading a while before you broke up for the first time and he spent the next month with you for old times' sake or because he wanted the benefit of having a loving girlfriend...Unfortunately, that's just how it happens sometimes.

 

Hang in there, be strong...follow through with NC and whatever happens will be for the best...

[2lil2hurt]

Thank you for all your responses. I am not sitting here waiting for him, I have been going out and keeping busy. But it is very hard after being with him for so long. So much of me wants to believe that one day (regardless of wether i want him or not) he will realize that he made a HUGE mistake. I guess I just need more time!

[Miss Understood]

Surround yourself with family and friends, thats what I have bee doing. Those thoughts will still seep their way into your mind but thats when you have to come here, call someone, or just DO SOMETHING to try and force them out. Its a long process that I am barely beginning myself. Be strong.

[rmpavlock]

It doesn't sound like you are being fair to yourself. I think it's time to let this one go. You deserve to have a guy who wants to be with you the way that you want to be with him. Hanging onto something that isn't fulfilling is wasting time. Go out and find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!

[Derailed]

So much of me wants to believe that one day (regardless of wether i want him or not) he will realize that he made a HUGE mistake.

 

 

 

AGREED! I feel the exact same thing. I want this realization packaged with guilt and a whole lot of negative karma.