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Has anyone here ever hurt someone?


trendkill
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Has anyone here ever really hurt someone (emotionally) in a relationship? If you don't mind sharing... and I'm not asking this to judge anyone. Not at all. I'm just one of those people who gives others the benefit of the doubt, and I think most people can be good people, even though they've made mistakes. This is what's making it so hard to let go of my ex... because even though he really hurt me (in more than one way) and I don't know why, I know that at least at one point, he did love and care about me.. and I really believe he didn't want to put me through everything that he did.

 

So I was just wondering... why'd you do it? Was it intentional? Did you have good reasons, aside from revenge? Were you in love with the person when it happened? Did it happen again? Did you want to change, but couldn't? Etc..

 

Thanks ahead of time for any replies... sharing this stuff would really be helpful for me.

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I know I hurt a boyfriend when I broke up with him...I didn't do anything mean or nasty intentionally, but I don't regret breaking up with him.

 

He had moved 2000km away, I was moving overseas for three years... he was a bit of a homophobe and a bigot... so not for me!! I was only 23... far too young to be in anything serious. He told me when I broke up with him that people wondered where he was as he went on a 3 day drive!

 

As soon as I broke up with him though, I thought 'Phew ... what a relief... the relationship had been going downhill for a while'

 

I wasn't in love with him anymore.

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I was only 23... far too young to be in anything serious.

 

I think that is debatable as people mature differently at different points in their lives. I have a friend whose parents met at the young age of 20 and are still happily married today!

 

There is a saying "people do not change but their circumstances do." In your case Shikashika, I believe that you were in a stage where him moving away somewhat opened your 'eyes' to who he really was as a person.

 

Goodluck!

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I think that is debatable as people mature differently at different points in their lives. I have a friend whose parents met at the young age of 20 and are still happily married today!

 

sure it is... just my opinion!

 

i can't think of any 23 year olds I personally know that would be mature enough for marriage... I think its a different story for different generations.. and for different people.

 

I personally don't see anyone getting married that young these days... again... this is just what I see !

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Intentionally? No, no way. I do believe people have intentionally hurt me however and that both bothers me and fills me with joy to think I have seen the truth of their character and never have to deal with them again.

 

As far as unintentional hurt, of course I have and people have hurt me too. People get hurt in relationships in some senses in some degrees no matter what and that is a sad truth of relationships. This point is especially apparent during break ups when you introduce other residual feelings intot he picture. I'm not perfect nor do I expect to be, I just think of myself, of the other person, and try my best under the emotional conditions and level of clarity and forethought I have at the time. That's pretty much all anyone can ask of themselves I think.

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Sadly, I have hurt the one person that I loved and now lost...

 

Most of the time I didn't do it intentionally, but sometimes I would catch myself thinking of conversations in my head that I knew would hurt him. I still remember one of them, which ended with me saying "I trusted you, and this is where it got me." He hung up on me right afterwards. And for the record, "where it got me" wasn't anything bad.

 

Aside from that, I often engaged in passive-aggressive behavior, and I know that hurt him as well...Most of the time I didn't do this on purpose either, I just couldn't express negative emotions in a constructive way.

 

I am aware of those things now and even though I know that I might not always be able to control them, I will sure keep them in mind when entering another relationship...

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Hi Trendkill. I've hurt people before, as well as been on the opposite end. I was a strong 'people pleaser' in the past and thereforeeee wasn't always entirely honest about my feelings. However, once I recognized my destructive patterns, I was able to rectify them. Now I'm much more bold, upfront and honest.

 

I'm kind of an ultra sensitive type, so I do get hurt a lot. But honesty is the quality I find most admirable in others. Sometimes the truth hurts, but the truth is also what sets you free. I've been through some traumatic experiences, but have also emerged much more wiser from them. People lash out for different personal reasons. I try to utilize compassion for those that have hurt me, and I hope those I've hurt can forgive me for my own blunders along the way.

 

The relationships which have given me the greatest pain have also served as my greatest teachers. I believe there are no coincidences in life.

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I got friendzoned pretty hardcore with a depressed girl... I broke off the friendship with her because I liked her way too much - she didnt take it too well. Its 2 months later and she still cries over it...

 

Sometimes you just have to be selfish though. Relationships like that one are dam unhealthy.

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Not INTENTIONALLY.

 

But thoughtlessly..of course. Many horrific incidences spring to mind, eg. dumping 4 people, simlutaeneously, via text message. I send them all the same one, which read "This is a multiple-recepient message. I wish to dump all of you......"

 

And no, they didn't know about each other.

 

Why did I do that? No idea. Well, I was/am clinically wacko, more an explanation than an excuse though.

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Yes - I guess you could say that I've done things that I knew would hurt people.

 

My son's father. When I met him, I had lower standards. After having my son, I realized that my son and I both deserved a better life. (No drugs, no alcohol.) I left him. Yes it hurt him. But it was the only option.

 

And well a few more men after that I suppose. Men that represented themselves as one thing and then after more truth came out, I determined I really wasn't that into them. Some of them, I just stopped talking to because I didn't want to have to share my negative views of them.

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