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Point blank can cheating ever be justified?


Smitty1
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People often say they cheated when they felt vulnerable, others say that they shouldnt have put themselves in the situation.....such as going out to a bar, working late with a co-worker etc,. What about women in abusive, loveless relationships that are afraid to leave, but fall for someone else? Is it ever justified in your eyes, and does a cheater only feel bad if they get caught or can you cheat and live with it if no one knew?

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I can't think of an example where it would be justified.

 

I can see how peope get attracted to other people outside their relationship, how relationships can go bad, how sometimes the relationship you are in no longer gives you everything you want.

 

But to me there is always a simple solution other than cheating.... if it's not working leave the relationship you are in, then go find someone else.

 

(re. someone being abused. I get what you are saying but I think it would be rare that an abused person would go out and have an affair. I think the pre-eminent thing there is that the abused person owes themselves a duty of care and should get out of the relationship also, despite the fact that is not always easy. That is where their energy should be going.).

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Well, lessee...how 'bout if....no, wait...well maybe if the...nah, on second thought, no....that wouldn't be right either.

 

In the case of an abusive relationship, the abuser probably accuses the abusee of cheating anyway. The abusee is NOT going to willingly put themselves in a position that will aggravate the abuser. From what I've seen of that type of relationship, the abusee spends most of their time actively trying not to agitate the abuser in any way, shape or form.

 

People will go to great lengths to justify cheating. The amount of time they'll spend setting things up, hiding things, crafing lies and so forth is exhausting just to think about.

 

All in all, I think if you want more than one partner, it'd be easier to get into an open or polyamorous relationship....or get yourself to a single state and be honest about your lack of monogamous tendancies with any/all potential partners.

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I don't know. Maybe if your partner was physically unable to have sex anymore (and I mean seriously unable, not unwilling), and you still had years and years left of your physical prime. Of course, it would be nice if you and your partner could come to some kind of discreet agreement there. You know, like "Don't ask, don't tell."

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Cheating is never justified. Cheating doesn't magically happen when you are working late or at a bar. Clothing doesn't just happen to fall off the body, the person makes it happen. It is a conscious decision. If a person is unhappy in a relationship, they should talk to their partner. If that doesn't work, then the relationship should end before embarking on another one.

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Maybe if your partner was physically unable to have sex anymore (and I mean seriously unable, not unwilling), and you still had years and years left of your physical prime. Of course, it would be nice if you and your partner could come to some kind of discreet agreement there. You know, like "Don't ask, don't tell."

 

Yes that would be the trick in that case.

 

I hadn't thought of that. What if your partner was for some reason physially unable to have any sort of sex but REFUSED to allow you to have sex elsewhere?

 

Can you envisage such a disability?

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hmmmm if you were with someone disbaled to the point of inability to partake in sexual activity of any kind...... they didn't "allow" you to get sex else where....

 

sounds like a whole lot of HORRIBLE circumstances would have to be in place for this to be the case. If this were someone's life....I'd say cheat away. Or get a new life.

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Well..I used to be REALLY tough and extremely judgemental towards those who cheat. I still can be, but as I learned from my friend's experience, now I can somewhat understand her situation.

 

Going back to your original point, "is it ever justified say when a woman's with an abusive partner, she seeks comfort in someone else and leaves her current partner.." I mean, really, it's a really tough situation to be in. Of course it's never right. But sometimes the situational circumstances (such as abuse) are so strong that it can make the any reasonable person act very irrational.

 

Anyway, my friend was and still is with her physically abusive partner. He's getting counseling for it now. But, boy, he was abusive towards her even in front of us. The guy was working his way towards being a pro-boxer..She left him a few times until he started he clean up his act. I'm glad they're trying to work it out.

 

Anyway, sometimes, things aren't as black and white as they seem. That's what I learned..

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There will always be extenuating circumstances ...and since we all make mistakes, I wouldn't necessarily judge someone for cheating.

 

Can I *understand* what prompted the cheating to occur: of course!

 

But if you asked me point blank can it be *justified*: my answer would be a resounding "no" ...

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well I suppose then it's entirely up to the individual being cheated on then isn't it? I mean, if I were cheated on and the guy offered some lame - "it's justifiable - just listen to my excuse" I'd prolly punch him before I took all my crap and left.

 

If someone else decided to accept it as justifiable, that's up to them.

 

Oh - I KNOW......... If he proved to me that he was being forced to by the KGB or Gestapo or CIA or whatever, and they were going to kill his entire family if he didn't cheat on me.....

 

Or no wait.... Aliens implanted a bugging device in my brain that controls the judgement part of my brain and I really had no choice. If I would've fought it, my brain would've exploded!

 

Maybe then...

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There are some things that are bad, that can be justified. Shooting someone for example. Not a good thing, but justifiable given the circumstances. Guy with a chainsaw breaks into your house and tries to kill your family... shoot him and you are in the clear... nobody would blame you.

 

I do not think cheating is EVER EVER EVER justified. No matter how bad the relationship, its always better to end the relationship and then enter a new one. Or if it is so bad, that you feel you must move on, but for some reason you cant break up (ie cant afford to live on your own) you should tell your partner you are seeing other people. Never do it behind ones back... its not right, not justifiable... its just bad.

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When a man forcefully has sex with a woman who is in a relationship, then that woman should not be blamed for cheating.

 

But other than that, I see cheating as "the easy way out". A way to end a relationship you don't have the strength to end the correct way.

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I only wanted to play devils advocate because i have male friends and co-workers who openly flirt and sometimes even have affairs. I often ask them how they would feel if thier wives did the same, and they all say that "its different for a man" So i posed the question to see if even in this day and age if men and women are on completely different pages when it comes to this issue.

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No, cheating can never be justified. There are no valid excuses (except for the rape situation discussed above). My ex tried to justify his cheating with, "but we were drunk," but I told him that was not an excuse and that he should never have gotten drunk with his ex-girlfriend behind my back in the first place. Of course, he also thought that making out/heavy petting with his ex was not "cheating." They'll always try to make excuse after excuse. It sickens me.

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Sorry to hear that, my ex informed me after we broke that she had cheated, i told her she could have kept that secret to herself unless she was just trying to rub salt in my wound. After she said that it made me wonder why anyone would take a cheater back cuz that felt too painfull to ever forget.

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i think that one can *understand* why people cheat, but justify it, no way... the cheater is making an active choice to betray another person (who is supposedly the one they love) and lie, hide things etc. they are basically deciding to go outside the relationship for things they want, without giving respect to the relationship and the other person to talk about their needs etc.

so they are making the decision to 'sample' another person to see if they like that person enough to leave their partner, a very selfish act for all concerned...

 

if all parties know up front what is involved and have worked it out as ok (i.e., a seriously ill partner giving the other partner permission to fulfill sexual needs elsewhere), then that isn't cheating because all parties have made a joint decision and know about it and there is no deception (unless they are deceiving the third party about their own relationship), in which case it is still cheating...

 

so basically, one can understand why people would cheat, but it is still cheating unless all partners are open about it in advance...

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