Jump to content

Need to Re-Focus My Thoughts...and My Life


HeckaBekah
 Share

Recommended Posts

I've been single over a year...

 

And most of my friends have someone special in their life...

 

I don't want to date someone just because I'm feeling lonely or else I'd be dating right now. You see, I have high standards and because of that I'm alone.

 

I'm not looking for mister perfect, but because of my high expectations there's no one around. Is it too much to ask for a decent lookin' guy who wants more out of life?! I don't understand...it seems that today more and more people settle for mediocrity.

 

Also, looks only go so far and I've seen good looking guys who don't spark my interest because they don't seem genuine, but at the same time being attracted to someone is important to me since I am very affectionate.

 

 

I know God has someone out there for me, but it's hard to be patient and I've been out of the dating scene so long that I feel like a little girl again in a sense that it's become more difficult for me to meet guys, mostly because many of the guys I meet don't live by similar values as me so I've lost interest in even trying because the effort I've made hasn't been reciprocated.

 

I don't understand why it's so difficult to meet someone like me, but then again I do. I've been praying to God that He bring along someone special in my life and have been going along with my life (though my focus seems to be somewhere else a lot of the time...). God doesn't think I'm ready and it's because He wants my focus to be on Him so that I am happy with Him and only Him.

 

I know that some of you on here don't believe in God, but I wanted to poor my heart out...

 

I'm just wondering if there are any of you who have had similar thoughts...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey HB-

 

Oh yes, I certainly have had these thoughts!

 

Keep praying, I believe in that, and evaluate yourself, where you are meeting men, where you would like meet men, and how you are evaluating these potential partners.

 

Plus, you're very young, and as long as you are open to opportunities, it is virtually inevitable that you will meet someone who fits you. The issue is time and patience. All you can do there is make the "waiting time" the most productive and fulfilling as possible. Because a lot of married people I know find the single life enviable...

 

And you don't need a partner to be happy in life...remember and believe in that...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

HeckaBekah,

 

I will not suggest that you stop praying or lower your values or settle for anyone other than a guy you feel is right for you. I wouldn't settle, I didn't settle, you shouldn't have to either.

 

However, I would suggest that you date, some. Dating is an investigation, not something you make conclusions on before you date. It's getting to know someone before you make up your mind about them. And it requires practice. You say you have been out of it for a long time, well get back into it, and date some even if you know you won't get far with the first few guys, that's ok, it's just practice.

 

Finally, what about checking out on line sites that cater to christian singles, but only do that after you get a little practice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Beec,

 

I know...you're so right about dating. It's about taking the first step before judging someone. I'm just so scared...so scared.

 

I'm actually on link removed, but I wanted to cancel my membership. I couldn't get a refund so I'm still on there but no one has yet to really spark my interest and I do think it was a little too early for me to sign up, but I will be on there for a few months.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One of the sites that advises guy on how to get women has a suggested exercise, and more than one may suggest it, that a guy who is not getting dates or phone numbers or whatever, go out and ask women again and again until he is rejected say 20 times. For those who have tried it, it reportedly ends up being tough to do, and because they begin to have some success. If you are worried about getting date two before you begin date one, then your nerves will sometimes sink you. If you took this idea and thought, I am going out on first dates until I get to five guys who will not ask me out for a second date, you might find you had some success.

 

A first date need not spark your interest before the date starts, he just needs to someone you might enjoy that date with, and nothing more. If you don't, oh well. And if you keep the dates simple, like just coffee or something, then it is easier to keep your expectations lower.

 

In my active on line dating years, I went out with at least ten differnet women in eahc year. Most did not get a second date. The hurdle to get a first date was low, but each date thereafter had a higher hurdle.

 

Also, after I broke up with a woman I'd been in a relationship with, gogin out the first few times with women I did not think I would want to date again, made it easier to get dates with women I wanted to date more.

 

Get out there, get in the game, strike out, so what, get back into the batters box again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One more comment. I've got almost two decades on you and have began dating my current partner just over two years ago. So, I've experience and have been in love a few times. The women I have fallen in love with, a few, are not the ones I thought I would fall in love with, they were not the ones who I would have picked out as my most likely women to fell in love with, but they are the ones who through dating I learned more about and did fall in love with. Lower the filter for first dates, then make it more refined over time.

 

My one big caveat, four or five dates max, or you are in a relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

One more comment. I've got almost two decades on you and have began dating my current partner just over two years ago. So, I've experience and have been in love a few times. The women I have fallen in love with, a few, are not the ones I thought I would fall in love with, they were not the ones who I would have picked out as my most likely women to fell in love with, but they are the ones who through dating I learned more about and did fall in love with. Lower the filter for first dates, then make it more refined over time.

 

Exactly. I concur and can relate to this...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

do you have a church youth group you can join? get on some committees, meet many people. Just start asking people you know and trust if there's any nice christian men they want to introduce you to. Ask your friends in relationships if their bfs have some single friends. Ask some ladies at church if they know of single men. My friend met her husband in bible study, so that is another place to go. Smile at guys you come accross you think may be interesting.

 

I agree with beec - go out, try to have fun and get to know them. you don't have to feel that they are the one right away. Afterall, how can you possibly know that a man is the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with, making major life decisions together with as a couple, until you have known him for a while?

 

good luck

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...