abortion question

[katie831]

tomorrow is my consultation for a termination

 

im really scared and i wondered would anyone here know what will happen, as in what they will ask me and if they will perform a scan?

 

x

[Dilly]

Prolly will perform an ultrasound to determine age. In the US, you may be able to do a medical abortion (pill by mouth) up through 7-8 weeks since the first day of the last menstrual period (or 7-8 weeks gestation as measured by ultrasound).

 

They may inquire why you want to get an abortion, if youre sure, and if it's a religiously backed organization, they may give you lots of what I call "propaganda" to prevent you from having one. I would go to an organization that is not religiously funded so that you get objective feedback on the issue.

 

I know that when I went for abortion (I'm still pregnant by the way as I could not go through with it) that Planned Parenthood was very unbiassed about my decision. They only wanted me to make it and if anything, they were a bit too detached emotionally from my decision. I elected not to go through with it as I was 33 at the time (now 34) and was initially happy to be pregnant.

 

I think you should really understand that emotions are haywire in early pregnancy and they can really impact your ability to think as clearly as yuo might otherwise. It's the most important decision I had to make and I am so utterly happy now that I did NOT go through with it. BUT I will not jduge you if you decide to. IT'S YOUR DECSION AND NO ONE ELSE'S. I had everyone telling me (everyone outside of this site - like BTR - and a few very close friends, one of whom was adopted rather than aborted) to go through with abortion. I'm glad about my decision to carry it to term.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

[rocio]

Don't be scared. I've never had to go through this myself, but have helped friends through the process. Alot of it depends on how far along you are. If you are not sure about when you had your last period, then they will likely do a scan. They won't do anything tomorrow though. They will ask you questions, but nothing tough and they will be nice about it. Then they will schedule whatever comes next and they should offer you counciling. Do you have a friend who can accompany you?

 

Make sure that you only share this news with people who will be totally supportive. You will be going through a rough time in the next few days, weeks, maybe even months. You don't need other people making it worse.

 

You will be okay.

[Hope75]

Hi Katie,

 

I've never had an abortion. If it's a consultation, my guess is that they will ask you how far along you are, do a blood test to confirm that you are pregnant, possibly an ultrasound to determine how far along you are.

 

They may ask you what your reasons are for wanting an abortion, how much you have thought about it and other options (in case you hadn't had enough information and to make sure this is really what you want since it's irreversable) and go through some counseling with you about what to expect re: the procedure itself, how you might feel afterwards, both physically and emotionally, the grieving process, support contacts.

 

How are you doing, hun?

 

Is the baby's father supporting you through this?

[katie831]

well 'cos im from the uk i am having it carried out on the NHS, because of this i have had to wait a month just for the consultation meaning that i am now 12 weeks pregnant.

i know the first day of my last period so do you think they will still need to do a scan. I think if i see it then i wont be able to go through with it as i have been having mixed emotions throughout my pregnancy so far.

i am going with my boyfriend who has been amazing through this and will support me 100% with what ever i decide even though i know he wants to be a dad.

[doyathink]

Katie, if your not 100% sure...there is no rush is there? This is a permanent procedure and if you regret it after, there is no turning back. Please just be sure you want this. Good luck to you in whatever you do. Were are here for you if you need support...

[arwen]

Oh hun, that must have been a difficult month for you. I think that they will take good care of you. I think that all women go through an emotional period when they are having an abortion. I hope they will take good care of you and talk with you before and after.

 

How is the situation at home? Do your parents know you are pregnant and getting an abortion? And the father?

 

Take care sweetie. We're here if you need to talk!

 

Ilse

[rocio]

I don't know what the NHS is but it's really too bad that you had to wait for a month. This is going to be heartbreaking for you, especially after bonding with it for a month. Since you are quite far along, they will probably still want to do the scan (scan = british / ultrasound = american... same thing)

 

You don't have to look though.

[arwen]

Oh, and I just wanted to add. I totally agree with doyathink. If you are not 100% sure about this decision, DO address this at your consultation. You won't be the first woman they see with doubts and torn emotions over this. From your past posts, I can see that your bf is supportive of you whatever you do.

 

Ilse

[Anna.]

Yeah I agree with dyt. Please do not rush into this.

And if you do it, it's not just going to go away. You will have A LOT of emotions to deal with.

 

So if it's not what you really want, then you'll have to deal with that for a long long time. It's a big, HUGE decision. Good luck.

[rocio]

I think it is something you kind of have to rush. You are already 3 months. They normally won't do an abortion after about 4 months. Also, the longer you wait, the more painful it will be.. physically and emotionally.

 

Do what you feel is right in your heart. Neither decision is wrong. Just different paths.

[agent1607307371]

Most definitely.

 

I don't know if they will do a scan, but they will not do anything to make you uncomfortable as they will be trained to work with people undergoing this and they will not want to affect your decision.

 

What I do know is that they will do basic medical checks and confirm the pregnancy and then the next appointment will be the termination.

 

Do what you feel is right, and don't be scared.

 

Also, if you feel you need it maybe arrange for some councelling post-procedure to help you deal with it. (But be sure it is a neutral councelling service, some religious organisations are notorious for messing with women about this.)

[BornToResist]

Aw, I'm so sorry to see you go through this!! What an emotional time for you. I think it's great that you'r BF is very supportive. But I agree with the other posters, if you aren't completely sure, then give it some more thought.

 

There are so many people that will jump on board and tell you their opinion. But we are here for you no matter what you decide. I just hope you don't regret whatever decision you make...whether that be to abort, adopt or to keep.

 

I was brought to the same crossroads as you, and I made the decision that was right for ME. I still felt torn and heard how wrong I was (even though I didn't abort) but to know in your heart that what you're doing is right for you is something nobody can take away.

 

I have no idea about what the laws are in the UK, but where I live, they only perform that procedure until 12 weeks. So it might be a rush thing, depending on where you live. I also know that some places simply will not let you see the monitor when they give you the scan/ultrasound no matter how much you ask. I think that would be pretty tramatic. I heard the heartbeat the day before my appointment, and that pretty much changed my mind completely.

 

I wish you so much strength. You WILL get through whatever your decision may be.

[Dilly]

Hey BTR, that's when I decided to back out - I SAW the heartbeat and THAT ALONE brought tears to my eyes and I was pretty sure at that point that I wouldn't want to go through with it... but I still questioned my decision until recently.

 

Either way, I think you will feel relief with either decision you make. Indecision is the biggest hole that we often can't dig ourselves out of. Make a decision, the one that is right for you and make sure it is one that you will try to never regret. Either way, you will have some questions about your choice - like a lawyer told me, you just have to decide and then, be confident that it was the right choice for you. Regret over choices is not a sea to wallow in.

 

Make a choice and move on.

[Hope75]

Hey Katie,

 

So, your bf wants to keep the baby, but you aren't ready, is that right?

 

Do you want to talk about what led to your decision not to keep the baby?

 

Just curious if you are truly ready for an abortion, since it does sound as though you are still on the fence about it.

[BornToResist]

I agree with Dilly. I was so torn up sitting on that fence, not knowing which way to go. I was being pushed in a direction that I knew wasn't right though. But once I cut all that crap away from it and made up my OWN mind, I only looked back for a minute or two and haven't since then.

[Dilly]

Thanks BTR! It's amazing how when you look at your own situation sometimes, you think you are trapped and then, someone else (like an infertile mother or an aged woman who waited too long) might see your "trash" as "treasure". I don't want to sway your decision, but I do hope that you take all things into appropriate consideration. The fact that your boyfriend is supportive is so freakin' huge. I think now that having children earlier in my life might have been such a huge blessing. But I understand if you don't. I also think that ... sometimes those early first-love relationships really do have magic associated with them... and when we allow ourselves to get dinged and scratched up by life and the turmoil of our decisions, we become emotionally damaged. I woudln't want you to move on a decision that you will undoubtably regret ... but please consider all angles of this - of course, without tormenting yourself.

 

I know you will make a decision you can live with. But please engage all facets of your psyche in the making of it (your mind, heart, conscience, and gut) and if you believe in a higher power, by all means pray.

[RayKay]

They will assess both your physical health, pregnancy health and your mental health. As long as it is not a religious or pro life based organization, they will not push you into anything unless there are medical concerns, though they may advise reasons you may not be a good candidate emotionally. Some places will require a counselling session both prior and after (and if you do get an abortion, I recommend more than one follow up as sometimes the emotions come out much later even if you did make the right choice for you).

 

Make sure you communicate your concerns.

 

As for the scan, you can also request not to see it while they do it too, if you feel it will be too much...but then again maybe you want too...so it is your choice.

 

 

And ultimately, make the right choice for you. Whatever you choose there will be what ifs, or people whom may say you should of decided "differently" but YOU have to do what is right for YOU.

[bebecole]

i had a abortion a few years ago, yes you will be nervous. well i was atleast. you'll go through a few steps before the acually abortion. you will talk to someone, they will make sure this is the right choice for you, if your not of what you want to do they wont give you the abortion. they asked me several times. i got my blood taken, and a ultrasound. They make you feel extremely comfortable. Have no worries. you will be fine.

I dont remember any of the procedure b/c of the anestic.

good luck

[Dilly]

How did the day go?

[katie831]

right, well i went to the consultation, and thenurses were lovely there, talking me through things and explaining what will happen etc.

 

but then they did the ultra sound scan and they asked if my bf and i both wanted to see. At that moment i thought 'if i am making the right decision about getting rid of this baby then i will be able to look at it and carry on'

the moment i saw it my heart melted. It was amazing, not just like a ball of cells or some strange looking image that had to be pointed out to me. You could see a heartbeat, and arms and legs that were moving.

 

My bf and i were quiet for ages after and then he said he had to go out side for a minute as you could tell he was getting upset.

I have had the actualy procedure booked for next week. But i will definitely be cancelling.

 

I know i have to give up school now, but i also know i will go back later.

I know that my family will be v.v.v.v.v.v. angry with me, but i know they will get over it once they realise that this is what i want.

 

I know that i am absolutely terrified, but i also know that i have never been so sure about anything in my life

 

thanks to everyone who posted

i'll keep you informed

xxx

[arwen]

Oh sweetie, I think you are doing the right thing. If you already feel now that you cannot do this abortion, I think it's a good decision. It's not gonna be easy, telling your parents, but you know, in the end I am sure they will love your little one, and still love you. It was unplanned, but it happens. You can go back to school later, that is true. What you need now is take care that you have prenatal care, and figure out a good financial plan with your bf (possibly with support of both of your parents). How do your parents feel towards your bf? Are they happy with him as possible son-in-law?

 

Take care and I wish you the courage you need to talk to your parents. I'd do it as soon as possible, it will also be such a relief to get it off your chest!

 

Ilse

[katie831]

see thats the down side my boyfriend doesn't have a job at the moment. I know he wants to get an apprenticeship as an electrician so that he can have a career and look after us both.

Currently i work part time only 12 hours per week and make around £500 a month.

 

money is a big problem for us as my mum does not have a lot to give.

 

i am scared of telling my mum (i'm not in contact with my dad) and especially of telling my gran as i know she had very high hopes of me going to uni. Which i will try to explain to her i can still do.

 

Today i will be getting some books out of the library and reading up on what is to come.

 

All i know is that the baby i saw on the screen at the hosptial was THE most beautiful thing i have ever seen.

 

Ilse thank you for your support...i need all i can get right now

xxx

[Hope75]

Aww Girl,

 

((HUGS))

 

I'm not surprised that happened. Seeing your baby for the first time can be a pretty powerful thing.

 

I think you are doing what is right for you and for your bf too- it sounds as though he's willing to support you either way.

 

Hopefully your guy will now begin looking for any type of employment now that you know you both want to keep the baby. The more you both save before he or she is born, the better off you will be. Also look into forms of financial assistance for pregnant mothers and young families, like WIC and health care for you and the baby. Do a google search for your area and see what you come up with. The better informed you are about resourses in your area, the better off you will be.

 

I suggest you tell your family sooner rather than later so that you can allow them time to get used to the idea as well, you are all going to need some support.

[ImThatGirl]

I am so happy to see that you have felt the connection with your baby. I was worried about you. It's amazing, isn't it?

 

My thoughts, wishes and prayers are with you!