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Not alone in this world


easyguy
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I wrote this last night before I went to bed. I was feeling very depressed last night, and wrote down what was on my mind at the time.

 

So alone, so alone... nothing seems to make a difference. Sometimes I wonder if anyone would care or notice if I ceased to exist. What I have to be thankful for doesn't thank me back. I feel like I'm in an endless void, just spiraling to nowhere. I feel so lonesome, so alienated. My voice is never heard, it doesn't seem to make a difference whether I speak or not. I just want to be accepted in this world for who I am and what I stand for. All my life people have gravitated away from me. I want to be loved. I want to know what is feels like to be loved by another human being, someone who cares, if even for a brief moment in time.

 

I'm not the happy kid I used to be. While I may appear happy on the shell, inside of me I am crying. I just want to get away from those whom I know, and start over. I can't go on in this pattern for much longer. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to explode. I want this chapter of my life to be over with. I want peace of mind. I want to mesh with other souls who feel the need to or have the desire to do the same. All I want is happiness... to know that I am not a ghost, but someone who is real. Someone who is real and not alone in this world.

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Easyguy, I truly do know exactly what you mean. There's this desire to be truly heard and truly known and understood, to have deeper, more meaningful encounters with people and know that we matter in important ways. To know that we would be missed for exactly who we were, if we weren't around anymore. When I'm feeling this way really strongly, and not feeling like the people in my life can meet those needs, I ponder the thought of just picking up and moving somewhere else--maybe New Mexico or something...

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I can totally relate to feeling alone. We're not alone--talk to your friends, find a therapist, go to church or whatever house of worship you believe in.

 

I used to have a well-paying job for 9 yrs. Two years ago, my mom died of cancer 2 months after I was divorced and then 8 months later, I lost my job due to a company downsizing.

 

I haven't been able to get a job--in the area where I'm living you have to know someone to get a job. I'm not originally from here and I'm having a really hard time. I just substitute teach but it's not every day. If anyone could pray for me that would be great.

 

Keep the faith,

 

Clueless in USA

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