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SuperDave or any male out there… can you help with advice?


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English is not my first language so I'm going to be as short as possible:


My boyfriend of 2 ½ months and I broke up 3 weeks ago – I broke up with him because he told me that although he wasn't dating anyone else at the time, that he didn't want to date me exclusively because if I ever decided to leave him, that he didn't' want to be alone. I was devastated and at the moment I felt that had no choice – I was already in-love with him and was afraid of getting invested in a relationship and have nothing in return. Also, we were getting to that point where the 'physical' part of the relationship would be inevitable I didn't want to have sex without being exclusive.


2 weeks passed and he called me couple of times. When he called the first time he said that he missed a lot and that he wanted to see me, but he didn't ask me out. I think he was just checking on me to make sure I was still around. When he called the 2nd time, he suggested that we continue seeing each other 'some more'. I, for some reason, didn't like the sound of the 'some more' so I told him that I was not the type to date (kissing, touching, etc.) a man that was dating other women….. his reply was "I know baby… I love that about you" --- and that was it. We couldn't talk any longer because we had to get back to work.


A few days went by and he didn't call me. That same weekend, while I was at the gym, this 20 year old blond that works there told me that she was 'in-love' with this 40 year old guy that usually exercises with me. When she said his name (my x) – I almost fell off the chair. She told me that he had taken her to her house 3 weeks prior (while we were still dating) and that they tried to have sex but that he couldn't finish because 'he was in a relationship' – something that she knew prior to going to his house. She then asked me if I knew anything about his girlfriend (she obviously didn't know it was me), and I said no….. I WAS DEVASTATED!!!!! But I didn't tell her who I was.


I was in shock for at least 3 hours – just looking at the wall. I was so upset that I sent him a text message stating 'you slept with a 20 year old?! Grow up and stop using women. You should feel ashamed of yourself!" . He didn't reply right away but he called me the very next day to apologize about what he did. He was embarrassed about the situation and asked me if I would consider and an apology in person. I don't know why but I agreed --- my intent was mostly to get closure. We went out to dinner the following day. He apologized and apologized and apologized …. I accepted the apology – given that we were broken up already.


After he drove me home that evening, he asked me if I would consider giving the relationship another chance. To make a long story short, I said yes (I love the guy). I told him that I would consider it as long as we respected and were honest with each other.


The very next day he called to say hi as he usually did, and he told me he would get together on Saturday. We were planning a romantic weekend to catch up on the time lost. He then said he would call on Friday but I never heard from him. On Saturday afternoon he called and said that he had plans with his family on Sat and Sun but that he couldn't wait to see me. The called dropped and he didn't call me back. Something felt really wrong about the whole thing --- I became very upset – so I called him and left him a message that evening stating something to the effect of "you're taking me for granted … I don't appreciate it… I have a feeling that you're keeping as your safety net, please don't call me again". He didn't! I was so upset – I'm still very sad about the whole thing.


On Sunday, I left him a message (he didn't pick up call) and I said that I was sorry at the way I reacted; that I still felt that our relationship had taken a turn for the worst and I was frustrated; that I still wanted to end the relationship but I wanted to be an adult about it and say a proper goodbye. He didn't call me back. It's been 3 days. I have a feeling that he's not going to call. You see… I was never the one to call him – he always called me.


Even if he calls, I have decided not to give the relationship another chance. I do love him but I don't want to be taken for granted. The way I feel is that I gave him a chance to make things better and he took me for granted. Now I feel embarrassed, frustrated, rejected and everything else that comes from a brake up. Yes, I was the once who ended the relationship but he didn't give me another choice. When a man wants to be with a woman, he does whatever he can to be with her. I didn't care so much about him canceling the plans, it was the way it happened – and I knew he was lying about the plans with his family too. I honestly think he got back together with his ex-girlfriend (who happens to be an alcoholic) when we broke up during the 3 weeksn and now he didn't know what to do. He must still love her when he decided to change his plans with me --- I'm not speculating – I'm pretty sure this was the case.


My pride is so big and doesn't let me see things clearly…. Can you help put some light into this? Was I wrong to end the relationship?


My questions for you is:


why do you think he went through the trouble of apologizing and asking for another chance if he was in a relationship? Was it guilt?


Also, do you think he will ever return my call?


Thank you so much for your help.

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You're doing the exactly right thing by ending this. You don't want the same things from a relationship. He is a player and tried to tell you that in his roundabout way. He's not going to change. You're better off leaving and being a little hurt now then later on down the road. This person is exhibiting a lack of respect and honesty and maturity. You deserve better. There are a lot of other people out there who are capable of treating you better than he does and you know that. The fact that he dosen't want a "proper goodbye" from you only goes to show how selfish his nature is. It won't get better. Heed the red flags now and get out while the getting is good. It's the smart and right and best thing to do for you.

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Thank you so much for the reply. I needed to hear that I did the right thing. It is difficult because we go to the same gym but I'm not going to stop going just because he might be there. I'm just going to put a happy face and go forward.

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