This always happens to me.. not normal!

[maryale]

I need some advice, because maybe it's normal that this happens to people. I need some opinions or tips.

The Background I'm a really non-affective girl. I mean, I like living my life to the fullest and I ignore those things that make life harder and depressing. I like to be happy all the time and stuff. So, when I'm in a relationship with someone, I do care about that person a lot and I have a lot of feelings for the person but it's really hard for me to be this affective, sweet girl. Most guys I go out with, always think I don't care about them, but I do, I just don't show it.

When I go out with someone, sometimes I feel I'm really into the person and sometimes I feel the person really annoys me and I want to dump him. But then again, I'm not capable of dumping him because I'm afraid I'll regret it.

This one friend says I'm a really bad girlfriend, that I'm not the kind of girl who can handle a serious relationship because I'm too free. It's not that I like being with different guys all the time, and I can't settle with one guy only. No. It's because I'm really free, I like hanging out with my friends and I don't like having to tell explanations to someone about my actions. I hate screwing my life because of feeling depressed because I had a huge fight with my boyfriend. Stuff like that. But then again, it feels good to have someone that cares about me and that loves me.

 

I've been almost 2 months with my boyfriend. He's two years younger than me and this makes things even worse because he's really into different things as me, but yet we have everything in common. He's always drinking with his friends. They're all between 15, 16 and 17 years old. When I hang out with them, I feel really old but yet sometimes I have a great time.

I'm 18 years old and I like having fun and I have my group of friends my age. I love hanging out with them. But since my boyfriend doesn't really bond with my friends, the only way I can hang out with him is by leaving my friends. I feel I'm missing the best times with my friends. Most of the times I go party, I arrive to the place and I leave with my boyfriend (besides, my boyfriend hate partying while I love partying) then later night I arrive again, alone, and my friends they are having so much fun and I feel I'm missing that. I leave because I feel I want to be with my boyfriend for some time, and I have fun with him as well.. but sometimes I really think like "damn, I should've stay with my friends".

Besides, in my group of friends, there's this guy. We're really close and we have a lot of fun together. My boyfriend says he really deslikes that I hang out so much with him but I'm not that kind of girl that would stop talking to my friends because my boyfriend asks me to. This guy and I have this obvious attraction and we flirt all the time, and everyone knows there's something going on between us. Well, he used to like me and he was going to ask me out but I was going out with my boyfriend already. He respects that and we're just friends. He doesn't know about me knowing I knew he liked me. I don't know if he still likes me but we have alot of fun together, it's great. He's not a the kind of guy who likes serious relationships and he likes to have fun but he's not a player either.

Honestly, I feel attracted to him because there's obviously something flowing between us and it's mutual. There's this sexual tension and stuff. But I have a boyfriend and I won't screw the relationship... but I've been having seconds thoughts. Not about cheating on him, but on dumping him.

 

Since my boyfriend is younger and stuff. I see him as my sweet boyfriend. Honestly, I feel we're really close friends and we like each other. We don't look like a couple at all, either. We've been together for almost 2 months and well, when we kiss, he doesn't touch me or anything. I don't really care because I don't feel this sexual tension with him.

This weekend he really freaked me out because from going from sweet kisses in 2 months, he suddenly wanted more and more. The problem isn't that, the problem is that I don't feel that feeling of wanting to have sex with him. and Honestly, he doesn't really takes me to that level of wanting it while we're kissing and stuff. While he was trying to have sex with me, my friends were having fun and I honestly, preferred to be with my friends than with my boyfriend, because I wasn't feeling very comfortable with the stuff my boyfriend was trying to do. And right now, I feel that hanging out with my friends, especially the guy I have a lot of chemistry with, it's much more interesting and fun than being with my boyfriend.

 

I've been thinking like this for a long time, but only since this weekend I really settled to think what was really going on. I think that what forced me to think is deeply was this weekend, that I was in this beach house with my friends and I was having so much fun with them and suddenly my boyfriend arrive surprisingly and I had to leave with him and I really REALLY wanted to stay with my friends. It's confusing and not normal.

 

thoughts? similar situations? help? opinions? tips?

[DN]

Most guys I go out with, always think I don't care about them, but I do, I just don't show it.

To be frank - if this is how you usually behave I can see why they would think that.

 

I agree that you are not ready for a boyfriend - or at least any sort of committed relationship - and think you should leave your boyfriend so that you can enjoy the sort of lifestyle you want and flirt or whatever with this other guy. That would give your boyfriend a chance to find a girlfriend who really does want to be in a relationship with him.