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Feeling Low


ninaa1
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Hello

 

I've been with my boyfriend now for over a year, he lives with his folks, stops with me at my house a few nights a week maybe more, but i always feel like its on his terms.

 

If he has plans i work round them, he goes out, i see him the day after, i can't seem to say no to him even when i want some time to me, in fear that he will get angry- he is very loving when we are together and does tell me i mean the world to him and he wants to be with me forever, somehow it means nothing-when i need him and want him to come round he will say he can't let his mates down or his family as they will think nothing of him if he lets them down, yet he don't seem to mind if he lets me down.

 

I love him to bits but what i guess i'm asking is will he ever change am i too nice as i never say no, cook meals always willing to see him etc- am i becoming a doormat that he just walks over whenever he feels like it.

 

I'm afraid im getting boring for him and too easy, i fear losing him all the time yet he does tell me he cares all the time. Is it all in my head???? Pls help x

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Why do you think he would get mad if you said no to him coming to see you? If he did, for one thing, you could just give him one of the examples of him saying no to you. Or do you just find it too hard to say no?

 

If you maybe made alternate plans one day you usually see him, or if you just had plans and not break them some times he asks to see you, it will help pull him closer. And it will help you to learn how to keep plans and make plans, and still have your boyfriend, which is what he's doing.

 

If this is how he is, it's just how he is... a lot of guys and girls do that, and it's when they're comfortable. You can be comfortable in the same way, too.

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You should both be in a position to say "no" when you want to. that means that you should be able to say no just as much as he does. If you need *you* time.. then go for it.

 

I don't know if he is doing things to "make" you feel this way or if you are just feeling this way on your own. Regardless, you need to address it. If you are afraid to stand up for yourself for fear of losing him, what exactly do you have to look forward to in that relationship anyway?

 

Don't live your life for someone else... live your life for yourself... and share it...

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One of the toughest things about a relationship can be balancing the needs of your significant other with those of the other people in your life--your family and friends. Some people have their balance askew in one way--spending every waking moment with their S.O. and neglecting everyone else in their lives--and some people might be a bit off the other way, trying to please everyone else in their life and inadvertently giving their S.O. the short end of the stick, a little bit.

 

In some past relationships, I've depended so much on my S.O. for my happiness, I would spend pretty much any time I wasn't working, with them. Now, in my current relationship, I try SO hard to maintain a balance, that sometimes my S.O. complains that I don't see him enough. So right now I'm trying to figure out how to bring things back in balance and meet his needs a little better.

 

Balancing having your OWN life with being in a relationship is a challenge, and maybe your boyfriend just needs you to gently tell him that while you appreciate and admire how much he's there for his friends and family, and that you love that about him, YOU need more quality time with him, too, or you feel your relationship will begin to suffer. That's how my bf put it to me, and it really made me realize how it was affecting him.

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