Getting The Chance To "dump The Dumper"...

[Lady Bugg]

I won't go into specific details about my situation. Some posters on here know

about it...but I'll get to the point.

 

Last year I was "jilted" by someone, for lack of better words. I can't even say I was "dumped" because technically we were never really together. Anyway...I REALLY liked this guy. Lets just say things ended ugly. I was hurt because he went from hot to cold on me. I simply wanted an answer..WHY. What did I do? All this happened before I found Enotalone.....and the whole NC method...so I basically did all the things we shouldn;t do. I emailed him...getting NO replies...beat myself up. You get the gist.

 

Anyway...I decided I had enough one day. i wanted self respect...self esteem, and dammit I was gonna get it. So I went cold turkey one day. NO CONTACT whatsoever....for almost two months. It felt good. Yes, the urge was always there...but I did it. One week turned into two...two into three....I was working out dilligently...started looking good...feeling better than I had in months. Doing NC made me FINALLY feel like I was in CONTROL..of MYSELF. For once I was NOT trying to convince someone to like me, or pay attention to me. I stopped feeling like a loser (though I always knew I wasn't) it is just amazing how much stock we put into ONE persons opinion of us!!

 

On July 4th.on a whim..I emailed him...just saying hello..and mailed him a few pics.

He wrote me back. He liked the pics....and from there...the emails were back and forth. He then asked me to call him.....I did, and we discussed what had happened..and I got a lot of answers from him that I had been wondering about. He then asked me to write him again when I got a chance. So...we started talking again on a very regular basis....and he was even initiating a LOT of the contact. BUT....I realized the same pattern was emerging as before. He was so inconsistent..and hot and cold...I had my guard wayyy up.

I realized I did not want things to end up as they had before, so I changed my mindset. I was not going to allow him to "dump" me again.......and after MUCH thought and consideration...and many frustrating emails with him I decided to call it off.

 

Now....many "dumpees" may find that to be an ideal situation to be in with someone who had jilted them...but being in this position really feels NO better.

Although I know ALL my reasons are sound and legitimate for doing what I did...part of me still wonders if it was the right thing to do. Am I going to do anything about?? Absolutely NOT. I stand by my decision..but yes, there are feelings of guilt....but I know I did the right thing.

 

My reason for this post is ..I always thought if this opportunity came up to dump this guy I would be elated. I'm not. I am actually very down, because I wish things worked out for us...but you know I realize I can only control ME.

Relationships should NOT be so much work...at least not ones that are meant to work out. I have not heard from him..and I suspect he is doing what is right for HIM...and respecting MY wishes...as I should have his last year. Who knew??

 

So..for anyone hoping for this opportunity....careful what you wish for. You MIGHT get it.

[rose2summer]

Hey Lady Bugg,

 

I think that opportunity does present itself more often than not, but the problem is that it actually does more harm than good as mentioned.

 

Since he is still the same man that you had met before you broke-up,

 

You really stood no chance in getting it to work.

 

It's unfortunate, but it seems to fall quite into the norm.

 

I was in the exact same boat recently with my ex.

 

Almost even gave 1 second thought to going back to him,

 

But then I said absolutely not, and it hurt both of us.

 

I don't think a dumper vs a dumpee feels any less,

 

But somehow society seems to stigmatize the dumpee, that they were neglected or a lesser,

 

In the end, and in the big scheme of things, all parties will hurt, and despite the suppression of feelings, a dumper and dumpee will both wallow in their sorrows.

 

Hugs, Rose

[TheRedQueen]

Interesting and enlightening post. Revenge never seemed that appealing to me personally, I've always figured that the Karma Police would handle such matters.

[brando]

Thanks LB for sharing the experience of being on the other side of being a dumpee.

 

be well,

brando

[chai714]

LB,

 

Your post shows that you have healed enough and don't have much anger left toward him. You realized that things hadn't gotten better the second time around so you walked. Now, you feel as if you might regret it but you did what you felt was right and revenge was not part of it. If that's the case, congratulations for being an adult about it.

 

Intentionally hurting someone who has inflicted emotional pain onto you will result in lower self-esteem. Knowingly choosing wrong can't possibly help you feel better about yourself. We see this happen time and again with people, although most don't think of the end result until it's too late.

 

Good post, thanks for sharing.

[Jordan5571]

I think that if you do that, you will be right back were you started. It feels good for a minute, but when you go to sleep, you will feel bad because you are infact a good soul.

 

That and from what I am learning, if you do that out of spite, Karma will get you back a million times forward. I thought I was done with Karma because I believe that I am a great person, but no, I am still getting hit (better to blame that then myself when I am trying 100%). Some people say it comes back 7 times, but for me it keeps coming back.

 

Be the bigger person. There is no better revenge than that!

 

I am sometimes overwhelmed with the want of revenge. Setting some neiobor car on fire who hit my friend (girl) was one example. But it was not the best avenue. Maybe I shouldn't have shared that.... Either way, being the better person is the best revenge. They will always think about that and you will know that they are thinking about it, and that feels great. Sorry for the tangent!