Sole Financial & Emotional Support Advice would be nice

[rustygirl]

My BF and I have been together for more than 2 years. We've had our share of problems (major & minor) but we've made it through and I expect someday we'll be married & grow old together.

 

If we make it through this

 

[EDITED for BREVITY AGAIN!]

Short version: BF has been out of work for 3-4 months now, and at first he was really looking hard for a job, but now he doesn't seem to care anymore and I'm fustrated with not knowing how to talk to him about it.

[EDITED portion Done - long 'original' version follows

 

(Note: It is HARD to make this short! Here's my 3rd attempt)

 

Past History: BF is hard working, I have seen this for myself, I know this, this is not in dispute.

 

June/July: BF quit job when employer threatened him, I'm glad he left that place!

 

September: I started washing dishes at a restaurant. (We do not live in a city, so job selection is SMALL) I make less than 100 a WEEK. NOT enough to live on, but I can't work more due to the needs of my autistic son (From a previous relationship)

 

September/October: BF should be hearing back soon from 2 EXCELLENT jobs (although no guarantee he'll get them), he has been doing odd jobs for friends & family for cash (which does help) but has not been putting in or following up on any new applications.

 

There are SOME jobs he refuses to apply for because he wouldn't want to do that job (I.E. something like I do.) He snaps at me whenever I try to discuss our situation with him that 'he knows'. I do not know what to do, or how to reach him. I have TRIED to explain to him that I love him, and I do not blame him for our situation, but we NEED to figure out what we are going to do! We have no money, we have (virtually) no income, I have cut ALL the corners we can, I have even sold my horse for some cash & to avoid having to spend money on food/care for her... but this isn't enough. I've checked and double checked... if he had a job making at least $6 at a regular full time place... we would not be having ANY financial problems right now... NONE!!!! He could make this twiddling his thumbs at a fast food joint!!!!! ](*,)

 

I'm SO fustrated now that I'm beginning to compare this relationship with a prior one... only the guy I was with then (6 years) sat all day and played video games while I worked, was pregnant, cooked, cleaned and everything else. I swore I would never again let a guy take advantage of me like that... my BF now DOES cook, and clean, and although he doesn't have a 'job' he does work around the house, and does make some money doing those odd jobs for people which as I said helps... but it's not enough, and I feel as though he isn't really worried about our dilemma, nor do I feel he is really trying to find a solution, how to make more money somehow, or to lessen our expenses or whatever. It's as though he avoids talking to me about it because he want's to avoid thinking about it, because that'll make it just 'go away'....I feel as though I'm the only one in the house that is even IN the 'real world'.

 

I'm SOOOOOOOOO F'n Stressed!!!!!

 

So yeah... any thoughts/advice/comments would be nice! ^_^

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

When your bf still have his full time job, do you work?

 

How long as him unemployed?

 

After job application was submitted, it might takes time for the HR to process it.

 

How do both of you handle your finances?

 

Do both of you make budget before going to supermarket?

 

Do both of you save money for rainny days?

 

Do both of you incurred any credit card debts?

 

Do both of you share a common financial goal like buying a house?

 

If the odds jobs he is doing is not enough, consider part time sales job? The reason is to get an employer to hire you, you have to market yourself first. He could benefits from this job temporary. Add on to it, salesman working time is flexible. It give him the opportunity to go for more interviews and care for your son.

[rustygirl]

Before we moved we both worked full time, but usually I have only a part time job or none depending on how much he makes. (I prefer to have a part time job.) He's been out of work for 3 or 4 months now. I realise jobs take time to process, at least the good ones. But most crappy low paying jobs take only a day or two, not weeks like the good ones. I pay the bills, and have a strict budget, both when we have extra money and like now when we have none. When we have extra a portion goes into savings and then we each get a portion of what's left to spend or save as we see fit. Yes, our grocery trips are always budgeted. Unfortunatley we needed a new vehicle (new to us at least) and had just spent our savings perhaps a week before he quit, and the little we had left has since run out. When we got together we BOTH had credit card debt (totalling no more than 4 grand altogether.) He was not consistent on making payments however (which is why I now pay bills) so most of his were already in collections. I have since paid off his debts, and we were working on mine (less than 1500) when money became an issue we have not racked up anymore charges on any of our cards since we got together. We bought a house last year with my inheritance, otherwise our goals are simple, finish paying off our 'real debt' as well as our personal loans from family/friends (which is a considerable amount) so that once we're 'debt free' we can be married, and start our own business rebuilding & updating older vehicles.

 

A flexible job like sales would be great... the problem is he doesn't seem to care or be trying anymore.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Based on what you described, your financial situation is still manageable.

 

Do your personal loan from friends and family incurred any interest or having a specific payment date?

 

It is a very good step to pay off part of the credit card debts, because usually credit card has the highest interest rate which is 1.5% per month or 18% per annum. Once you have extra cash, pay it to settle the credit card debts of 1500.

 

Major purchases like car and house dry both your savings out. Though car is fully paid, there is still some impending expenses like gas/petrol, insurance and repair fees.

 

Your bf suddenly quit his job is causing sudden shortage of money coming in to the house.

 

I know both of you are on strict budget already. Anyway, see if you could still identify any luxury expenses that could be cut out. For example, instead of buying branded shampoo, try a generic shampoo. This minor things could help you to save up some money.

 

Try to find out the reason he does not care to find work anymore. Does he want a change in career? Is he having any problem to find work? Sometimes get rejected jobs by jobs could get one despair or depressed and hurt their self-esteem.

 

Both of you have to solve the money issues together. Let your bf to participate in how to solve the money issues so that he could take the responsibility.

 

In the future, please remember to stack up an amount at least equal to 3 months living expenses for both of you in the bank account as an emergency buffer funds. Because we do not know that, we might occur some unexpected expenses.

[ender1]

I think your boyfriend just needs to get a job and just stick with it. There is always going to be some excuse to quit. the excuses are just his way of being a lazy * * * *. He has to just do the job and quit making execuses about every job he has or could have, or it not being good enough. Just work and start making some money. That's life.

 

There is no perfect job. If he can't hold a job because he has problems with holding a job for whatever reason, I say you dump him because you want to be with a mature person who can help support.