personality v. looks ~ i know the age old question

[shygirl79]

ok so here is my situation, and maybe someone has been through this before so they will have a little insight or maybe by typing it all out I will come to my own conclusion, who knows so I am going to give it a shot.... THis could be long

 

So there is this fella that I work with, and he is nice and very cute. We have chatted a few times and he is just seems to be really a super nice person, and we have had some good conversation, and as I recently found out, he is single.

 

All sounds like it could be on the up and up right? Well...(and yes I recognize all off my theories here could be off) one of the other guys that I work with and this guy are roommates. They were talking with another female co-worker of mine about women. Lets call the guy I like Guy A, and the other Guy B.

 

Guy B is talking about what he wants in a woman and he has very high standards, and my female coworker says maybe you need to be more realistic in your standards and he disagrees. Guy A agrees with female coworker. Guy B proceeds to rib Guy A about women he has brought home. Guy B states at least he has brought women home. Guy B mentions how the last one that Guy A brought home was a little overweight to which Guy A responds that hey she was pretty and smart and that they both knew what the relationship was going to be about from the start and they were both OK with that.

 

Needless to say I know I am smart and pretty, but I am a bit overweight (some of which can and cannot be helped), and now I am nervous. I know that anyone who doesnt like me for me shouldnt be someone that i waste my time on, but i dont know. This one seemed nice and different, not so stereotypical in his ideas of what women should be like.

 

So here is my question if a girl is pretty and smart and you have a good time talking would you still be interested in her if she was carrying some extra baggage? Thanks for reading.

 

SG79

[LostInMyThoughts]

I would still be interested for sure.

 

Physical Fitness (though being overweight doesn't necessarily mean somoene is unfit) is important to me, but so is intelligence, and conversation.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Its sounds like the guy your interested in has a more open mind to the question of looks vs personality, he just happens to have a jerk for a roommate.

[shygirl79]

He just happens to have a jerk for a roommate.

 

and that is why i am a bit concerned. People can be influenced by their friends and it would stink if he was like that. Uuugh its just my own fault. I am being too self conscious and now I am over analyzing. Its like the old saying goes if its too good to be true it probably is. I wait too much for the other shoe to drop and maybe I am doing that here.

 

Common sense just tells me to wait, but I am not always a patient person. It would just be nice to find someone decent you know??

[CarnelianButterfly]

You like the guy, ask him out, if he's not mature enough to date a girl he likes that doesn't meet the approval of his friend then that his tough luck. You're not on display, his roomie has no right to judge you, if he does tell him exactly that.

[shygirl79]

that is good advice. I do want to see him in a non work setting, but I dont think i can work up the nerve to do a one on one thing unless it some how comes up and I dont know how it would. trust me I have looked for the opening. So I am hoping to do a group thing and then that night get to know him a bit and really put the feelers out there. It will take longer, but that might not be a bad thing either. i dont want to come off as desperate, because I am not, and it might appear that way since i have only known him a few weeks.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Don't put it off or you'll regret never asking.

[shygirl79]

true enough, i just need to muster the courage and the confidence. it sounds so easy to do until you attempt to do it. I just wish I could tell if has the same vibe I do

[onewithbooks]

SG79

 

It sounds like you might be playing devils advocate in your head. while sometimes this can be good, it can also defeat your self image. You said yourself you are pretty and smart. Remember that. Let that be your guiding force when you talk to him. That will help your confidence level.

 

Do you have any signs in particular that have given you cause to think there might be a "vibe" there?

 

L~

[allgood]

well actually thats what happened to me.....i ended liking "the a bit overweight smart pretty girl" and i got FRIENDZONED

so yeah guys will still go for u for sure, and alot fo guys are interested in her since she's nice, kind pretty and smart and weight didnt matter

thats ur answer

[CaptainPlanet]

Overweight is a definite complete and utter turn off. It means you could be unhealthy or sick. Its just not sexy. Looks you can get over but a person should always be healthy, its the same as hygeine to me.

[New_Horizons]

Yes I would be interested. The degree of being overweight would play a role too. Like, just 10 lbs overweight or 100 lbs?

 

I have a question for you too. Would you date a guy who was cute/handsome and smart, but happened to be short? Like, around 5'3 to 5'6.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Overweight is a definite complete and utter turn off. It means you could be unhealthy or sick. Its just not sexy. Looks you can get over but a person should always be healthy, its the same as hygeine to me.

You can be healthy and overweight, look at the guys that lift weights for a living. They're highly overweight, but their body fat levels are low and they are healthy. You can't assume that weight and attractiveness are the only factor in sex appeal, there are many people who are not constrained to the modern sense of beauty as being stick thin. In actuallity, thin women are at risk for as many health issues, thinness doesn't mean healthy either.

[Kevin T]

A BMI of 25 or higher is unhealthy for anyone; male OR female. The only exception would be if the person is a body-builder whose extra weight is all muscle.

[CarnelianButterfly]

BMI, weight, and many other factors are all part of being healthy. You have to look at cholesterol, heart rate, blood pressure, liver functions, white cell count, blood oxygen levels...

 

Having a BMI below 18.5 is unhealthy too, being too thin can cause heart failure, anemia, weak muscles, osteoporosis, kidney failure, and many other problems. Society pressures people to be thin and making any body fat out as bad, but fat is there for a purpose and all the emphasis on being thin they neglect to mention how unhealthy it is.

 

There is so much said that being overweight is unsexy because its a sign of being unhealthy, but those supposedly beautiful models that are 5'10" and 115lbs have a BMI of 16.5, don't be surprised if they don't menstruate, have fine body hair, yellowing skin and nails, bruise easily, and aren't able to do much than put on make up and make a couple trips down the run way.

[Kevin T]

I don't know if society pressures women to be excessively thin anymore. If they do, I'm not seeing in my everyday life at all.

 

I agree that being too thin is gross, not to mention not very healthy either. I'm not a fan of twig-women myself, but most women I see look to be well above a BMI of 18, so I'm not sure if that pressure is still on women like it was years ago. (I personally find the whole, anorexic super-model thing to be disgusting, but that's just me. Why models think they look good when they have no chest or behind is beyond me.)

 

The thing is, different people have different metabolic rates. So some people will naturally be thinner or heavier than others. But if your weight is getting out of hand, then it's best to take steps to ensure you are healthy. And of course, there is a strong correlation between a high BMI and high levels of "bad" cholesterol, heart disease and diabetes.

[New_Horizons]

FYI, I am most attracted (physically) to women with a BMI from 22 to 25. It's not until they hit 28 or so that I would say it is a definite turn off. Even then, it would not be a deal-breaker.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

You'll be amazed at how a spark or a click turns the most picky bachelor into puddy... unless he's dead set on sewing his wild oats. Otherwise, if you two connect, I smell ggreen pastures ahead.

[shygirl79]

Thank you for all of your diverse replies!! This is why I love ENA!

 

Well, I have talked to said new cute guy a few more times and I have found out a bit more about him. We have some things in common, but I still cant tell if there if a vibe for him too. Ahhh patience is a virtue....that I want now!

 

Anyhow, I think that judging from the vibe that I do get, it wont be an issue for him, and if it is, oh well. I am Fabulous and its his loss (Nothing like a mid day confidence boost!)