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Ex-GF coming to visit me this weekend....


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Ok, so i wrote a post a little bit about a girl i was interested in, and things have been moving in a very positive direction, and we arent "together" or anything, but we are becoming pretty close friends, and I'm pretty sure there could be something in the future, but i'm not in any rush to get there....

However, my Ex-GF is planning on coming down to visit me at school here..... I didnt invite her, she invited herself since she "wants" to see me... and at the time she asked to visit i really didnt have any problems, since i wasnt that involved with that other girl, or anyone for that matter....

I don't want the girl I've been hanging out with a bunch feel like I'm just using her, or have her on the side.....Even though there is nothing significant between us, I still don't want to jepordize anything....

With that being said, I know my ex-gf will want to have sex with me (as usual) whenever she drinks, so should i tell her before she comes down here not to expect anything... or should i just resist it when she comes down here?? I know i don't 'owe' that girl anything, but I still don't want to be that guy!!!

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Okay...im just gonna be blunt, and call you out on a few things. First off, as a member of the male sex, im all about getting some nookie. But I find your rationale both disturbing and idiotic.

 

From your post I gather these basic facts, the other statements were merely to soften the blow of your easily recognizable solution

 

1. You like this girl

2. You have an Ex who is visiting you

 

Solution:

 

Don't have sex with the ex, and pursue the girl you like. UNLESS..you have feelings for your ex. In which case, don't pursue the girl and pursue the ex. Its quite simple. Why risk hurting yourself, or God Forbid another soul? Either you want to see the EX, or you don't. Don't make it seem like you'd have to go out of your way, I'd bet a dollar you wouldn't be doing anything else worth mentioning!

 

Never put a girl in "reserve." By doing that then, you forego the chance for you to develop a genuine rapport with this girl. If there isn't anything "significant" with this girl, then don't feel guilty about sex with the ex... By presenting yourself with this shred of guilt, it proves you have some feelings that this girl is worth pursuing. If she's worth it...don't disrespect her by putting her on deck, while you swing with the ex, its disrespectful, cruel, and juvenile.

 

Now. You might ask why im being so harsh. Hey man, im just straight shooting here. Your message came accross like you were trying to be "the nice guy."

 

The nice guy will make a choice that will NOT hurt someone...and that includes yourself. If you don't want to be that guy...

 

Then be honest with the ex, tell her your feelings. Let the other girl know your plans for the weekend. But please...don't act like you'd be doing the ex a favor by banging her and then playing it off as "I was trying to be nice."

 

Pity sex is only going to make you the pitiful one!

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I say put the ex on IGNORE and go after your real interest.

 

AND - you could even use the old "my ex is coming - help me hide" line or "will you pretend like your my new gf - just until she leaves...."

 

Girls LOVE being the one you're REALLY interested in or the "preferred" girl in a guys life.

 

I say...use the ex coming to your advantage with the new girl.

 

Am I shallow?

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haha you're not shallow, its a good plan

Riley, I had no intention of having sex with my ex-gf, i just realize that she WILL attempt for it.. since she usually does when she drinks...

a little background.... me and my ex-gf have been friends for the past 5 years, and are practically next door neighbors... we have been through ALOT together, so simply "putting her on ignore" is not a viable option... or something that i want to do..... The options that i feel i have are to either tell her about this girl before she comes down, and stress the fact that we wont be doing anything but hang out (I live in a house) or just simply say "no" to sex when she is here.....

this has nothing to do with "nookie".. I'm 3rd year in school.. I've had more than enough "nookie" and am more interested in finding someone special instead of the usual one night stand... and i didnt think any of your advice was harsh, i mostly agree with all of it~

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I don't think i ever said i would be doing her a favor by sleeping with her... I actually was never planning on sleeping with her in the first place... I'm sorry if my original post communicated that.....

But yes, I'm probably going to talk to her tomorrow about it so that she knows what shes in for, and it wont be TOO ackward if she tries to make a move~

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