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I feel really guilty about this, and I just need to post for some feedback.

 

I have a daughter with my ex, she's under two years old, and we broke up shortly after my daughter was born. We live very far apart but managed to keep up regular visits for a year, while hoping we could repair the relationship. Eventually, she gave up. We both agreed to take some time apart, like several months, with NC.

 

The truth is, I still want my family back together, and I never stopped believing that she is "the one." But I knew I had to let her go, to heal and even to demonstrate that I do love her. It has only been three weeks, but even now I can't imagine ever talking to her or seeing her again. There has been so much pain. What I feel guilty about is: I even feel my bond to my daughter slipping away. I guess emotionally, I never separated my daughter from her mother - it's difficult to establish a 'relationship' with a young baby who isn't talking or really expressing herself yet. I absolutely adore my daugher, and when I'm with her, I'm an *amazing* father. But now I feel them both slipping away. I don't think I can ever accept that my ex will establish a life with another partner. And I don't think I will be an effective father to my child. Not anymore. There's too much pain involved. I've never argued about child support payments - I'm not trying to get out of my responsibility as a parent. But it just seems that this process of letting my ex go and moving on with my life, I'm also letting my daughter go.

 

That probably sounds horrible, but it's something I'm feeling, and I needed to get it off my chest. I just don't think I'm emotionally built for the whole step parent / broken family thing. Is it better to force myself into that situation and be a miserable parent, or do I just write it off and move on with my life? I honestly don't think my daughter will even remember me, she's so young. Perhaps, when she is older, she'll seek me out. I would never shut my door to her. But I feel like I need to shut the door to my ex, unless she changes (unlikely but possible). She says we need to learn how to be friends because "we will always be connected." Maybe this is just anger and resentment talking, but I feel like she really treated me badly, and I don't see why I have to stay connected to her. I guess I would do it for my daughter, but like I said, even that bond is slipping away. So be honest with me. Maybe you think I'm a terrible person for feeling this way.

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I think it is your pain talking more than who you are as a person. Despite the pain, you have to remember that your daughter is innocent in all of this. You have to be connected to her because if you walk away from her, she will always wonder why her natural father didn't want her. No, she may not remember you, but the thought of her natural father walking away from her and not wanting anything to do with her, can cause scars and impact how she views men later in life. Your actions now will have a tremendous impact on her. You may be hurt and angry at your ex, but don't let that interfere with being the best father you can be to your daughter...which means being in her life.

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Hey man it is your life. You choose to do what is best for you, but remember what you will be giving up.

 

Maybe things are still too fresh for you. I was in am in a simialr situation, myex wife has two daughters from a previous relationship and i struggled with keeping in touch with them for a few years, and i have no legal responsibility to do so. It still hurts to think of them away from me, but it is what it is.

I tried staying in touch with them, and it was all one sided, me initiating contact, bday cards, xmas gifts and the rest. Not that i expected anything back, but after a while a one sided relationship is sort of a one fighter boxing match.

 

I do not have a biological bond with these two young ladies, so i can't quite put my thoughts around what you are facing fully.

 

Give it some time. See how things progress with your healing. Maybe all you need is more time.

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You're going to miss out on so many things "if" you walk away now.I have 2 daughters of my own ages 8 and 11.They ARE the reason I'm here today.Their Mom and I split up just 8 months ago,but we've always had problems.

So many times I wanted to walk out on her,but I would'nt do it.I WANT my girls to have their real Dad.

I know you want to be with your girl too.Be with her,if not at home,just on weekends.

I hate the thought of my girls NOT having my guidence inthis day and age.

They need Dad as much as they need Mom.

Do the right thing man.....

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Hey. That's too bad. My father made the exact same decision. I will never be the person I could have been if he had even once bothered to see me.

 

Think long and hard about this. I did find my father when I was older. I discovered a person who finally was just like me. Even looked like me (I don't look like anyone in my family).

 

I never missed my father growing up. But I needed him. I needed someone who understood the blood that ran in my veins.

 

I am telling you, you are making a mistake.

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