I can't remember my first time

[only_me_1974]

This has been bothering me for years. I cannot remember losing my virginity. I don't know if it happened when I was molested or not.

I hate not knowing. At the same time, I am scared to figure out what really happened. My therapist said it's not important right now, that there are bigger things to work on.

Well, to me this is huge. I am like a puzzle with most of the pieces missing.

Anyone else not remember their first time and remember it later? Or maybe was able to get over it and move on?

This really bothers me and makes me really sad a lot of the time.

[bebecole]

i do remember my first time, but i dont remember the first time i had sex with my boyfriend. it does bother me b/c i know how your first time is supposta be memerable.

i honestly dont think its sumthing you shud beat your self up about as long as your in therapy helping yourself.

Now would if you did all of a sudden remembered your first time, it wouldnt change who you are or anything. i cud understand how you it would annoy you though.

[rose2summer]

I think this is an area of mindset.

 

If you were molested, then it doesn't count as your first time.

 

That has helped me a great deal.

 

I was 23 when I was raped, and I had planned on waiting until marriage.

 

I didn't want to be traumatized by it, so I was intimate with my bf to help me understand that intercourse is beautiful and not scary in any way.

 

I now remember my first time with him and not the rapist.

 

Can you somehow keep reminding yourself that, that your first time was not when you were molested?

 

Hugs, Rose

[only_me_1974]

I think this is an area of mindset.

 

If you were molested, then it doesn't count as your first time.

 

That has helped me a great deal.

 

I was 23 when I was raped, and I had planned on waiting until marriage.

 

I didn't want to be traumatized by it, so I was intimate with my bf to help me understand that intercourse is beautiful and not scary in any way.

 

I now remember my first time with him and not the rapist.

 

Can you somehow keep reminding yourself that, that your first time was not when you were molested?

 

Hugs, Rose

 

Thanks for the hugs Rose. I don't even know when my first time was. That is the problem. I think the reason that I am so bothered by it is because I hate the not knowing.

Besides that, my "first time" that I can remember was when I was 15 and It was no big thing. He wanted to have sex and I, being the one that gives everyone what they want, gave into him. All I remember about it was that I didn't feel anything.

I know that I shouldn't let it bother me and maybe I will talk more with my therapist about why it bothers me so much.

Thanks again everyone.

[Juliana]

I was raped the first time too. Yeah, I wish I could forget that. But eventually I got into a relationship with a guy I loved, and everything was alright then. Count your first time from the first time you willingly gave it up to someone who loved you.

 

As for the memories, being a recovering amnesiac myself, let me tell you, there's good reason you don't remember it yet. Do not go looking for it. When it's time, when you're strong enough to bear it, you'll remember naturally.