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I thought we were happy


cingar
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I am 34 he is 31 we met at college last year. The first time I started to notice him was when I told of one of my instructors . and I was sitting in the stairwell crying because i never tell anyone off or swear. Anyways he just came and sat down beside me and put his arm around me. I felt so safe in his arms. we started to become friends and he asked me out at newyears to go to a club. he went dancing and i just stood there alone . just wanting him to come back. and when he did realise that clubs weren't for me we left he held my hand to help me up a hill we had to climb to get back to the car. my heart raced . Finally in February at valentines we had our official first date. He came over to my place and i had to make supper because he forgot to bring it. but he was so sweet. and funny. i remember he was sitting on the couch and I was on the computer chair and he grabbed my hand and led me to the couch . my heart had beated so fast. I had not been held by a man in nine years.( my ex husband didn't like that stuff). Eventually he kissed me it was the most beautiful passionate kiss i had ever had in my life. Anyways i'm gonna leave some of the good stuff out. but eight months later we were still like that first date happy, loving towards each other we never fought we just got along so well and just talk about anything. It started last weekend I called him to see what time I could come over and he said I couldn't, that he worked all day that he hurt his back and he just wanted to be alone. I felt so lost.and not sure what to do with my self. The folowing thanksgiving weekend I went to see my family in Ontario. he was great on the phone you know have a great time and i'll see you when you get back. so when i did got back I went straight over to see him. with out calling I wanted to surprise him. he came to the door with this absolutly look of disgust on his face and wanted to know what i was doing there. then he closed the door behind him and said we had to go for a walk. and he proceeded to brake up with me. It was and still is the worst feeling i ever had. I haven't been able to eat for seven days now. I've tried but I just throw up. I can't stop crying it's just a constant flow of tears. I ended up taking today off work because I can't function. I've lost ten lbs which I could not afford to loose. I just need someone to tell me I'm gonna be okay. I have no family of friends to count on because when i started dating him I had to give up my religion for him and lost all of my family in the process. these last eight months were the happiest i had ever been and i don't what what to do. Any advice would be great

The pain is unbearable.

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Cingar - what you are going through is totally normal. When my gf dumped me 2 years ago, I was like you - I couldn't eat or sleep, and I lost about 10 poundsin a week or two. Please try to take care of yourself. Also, the biggest mistake you can do is to keep on trying to contact him. so if you have been contacting him, please stop. Trust me on this one.And you have to remember, if he doesn't come back to you, you will find someone else - I promise. I never thought I would find someone again . I'm 38 but I have been happily dating a woman for a few months now. You are younger, so trust me, you have plenty of time. Please take care of yourself.

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Cingar, I know what youre going through. Believe me, I am also going through a bad break-up from 2 weeks ago. My ex said everything to me, I don't want you, I don't want us, and started seeing another guy the day after we broke up. Harsh right? So I know the feeling of loss you are experiencing. You are not alone, ok?

 

You are in a lot of pain right now... That's normal, the first 2 weeks is the worst. But be strong. I know nothing I say, or anyone will lessen your pain. Only time and acceptance can heal you. Read all the posts in this site, and see how people get back up in time. It is inspiring! The human spirit is strong. Grieve for now. Cry, scream, yell, whatever makes you feel better. But don't stop caring for yourself. Your body is in shock, care for it.

 

You need to eat. I know its difficult, and food is the last thing in your mind. But you have to start with something. Soup, buy some milk, something easy to take down. Don't isolate yourself in your room. Jog. Don't even think about it, just get your sneakers and run. It will do you good.

 

Another thing is, get in contact with your family. You may have had your differences, but they are family, and your biggest supporters right now. Talk to old friends, you need a shoulder to cry on. Get in touch with the old people in your life. I am sure they are ready to help you, just let them.

 

Last advice I could give you is go begin NC (no contact). Have nothing to do with your ex. No calls, no text, no email, don't pass by his house. Start NC when youre comfortable, in your own time. But from the posts I read in this site, and from my own experience, its best to start it as early as you can. This will help you forget and let your wounds heal. Keeping contact re-opens that wound. Just challenge yourself to start NC. Do it one day at a time. It will come natural, believe me. Whenever you get the urge to contact him, come to us first. Post here. Rant. NC has its own magic. It will put the ball back in your court. Don't give him that power.

 

I am giving you advice from what I know. I am also in my own personal hell right now, and I may be sound like I have total control of my senses from this post, but really I don't. It is a rollercoaster of emotions. One minute your'e fine, the next your'e in the pits. Its normal, ok? We will get through this. Just be strong, and take care of yourself.

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Yeah, I thought I was going to die, too. Never felt that bad before. I had to shed alot of tears and run alot of miles to get that period behind me, but I did.

 

I'm sorry your relationship fell apart. Sometimes we overcommit to someone who isn't ready to invest that much in us. I wonder if you can form new ties with another religious group in your area?

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Thank you for your kind words, I really hope your right.everyone tells me that it's his mystake that i am just a great person.i'm kind and sweet. and believe it or not they say i'm really pretty. but i don't see what they see. After my divorce I was alone for six years with not one man ever showing a bit of interest . thats why when this one finally came along I wanted to do everything I could to make him happy. i just don't want to be alone. He said he liked when I did things for him and he loved to snuggle on the couch and hold each other. And even when he broke up with me last week he said he still really liked me he just needed to find his own way. what does that mean anyways? He called me on Saturday to find out when he could pick up his stuff that was here. I want to see him and ask him so many questions yet you say no contact it's hard cause he signed into messenger while I was writing this . he said nothing to me or vice versa but it was so hard thinking he's righgt there i could say hi. instead I just kept rambling on with this . i know you wont respond back but it helped to get me thru this evening . thanks again

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Cingar. take him off your messenger.

 

It was torture to me, seeing my Ex's name light up when he came home.

 

I took my Ex off my AIM and YM, even my phonelist (although I wrote the number down on a piece of paper in case I need it some day. I kept it somewhere where I wouldn't see it). Once I did this, NC became so much easier to stick to.

 

Take him off. Trust me on this.

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I'm very sorry to hear and it must be very painful. But that pain in the long run will do you good when it starts healing. Your heart & mind will be stronger as each day goes by. I know the pain may be unbearable but it will get better each day but you have to try to focus on yourself and heal so one day when you meet the right person you will know by heart.

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Thanks again for your words. I actually went ot the doctor to day to get help. to calm down my nerves. I also called my old coucilour who helped me through the real bad parts of my failed marriage. So The words she had for me helped and I am going to start seeing her again until Lionel is not the first thing I think about every single moment. I packed up all of his things yesterday and put them in the garage so I wont have to see them. It hurt like hell and i never cried so hard. But the tears eventually stopped. I was actually able to keep down a small bowl of soup today. Maybe I will be all right. and even if know one ever reads this stupid thing. At least i can write my feelings out instead of telling my two kids about the pain. Derailed I haven't taken off yet. I agree I should but i think part of me is hoping that he'll stilll talk to me. I know it's stupid and i'm only fooling my self. I'm not ready to except that he is gone out of my life forever. i'm not ready to do that yet. Even though it hurts to see his name light up at least i know he's ok.

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It's completely normal to feel that way you are & it's just your body relearning to cope with the pain and suffering you're going through. I know you'll miss him but the most important thing right now is yourself & your children. I'm glad to hear you had some soup

 

As hard as it may seem, try to think positive each moment & if you start to feel sad, fight it inside you & tell yourself it's not what you want. I know you don't want to accept it. But remember what he did to you. Keep reminding yourself, if he was the person you were meant to be with, do you think he would've acted in such way?

 

I wish you the very best with a prayer.

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