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The final straw (aka famous last words)


hjc
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Broke up 2 months ago and been pretty much keeping NC going (only responded to her). Was doing OK (though lots of ups & downs).

 

Ended up having a phone conversation on Friday morning with my ex and it went pretty well. She asked if I was free to meet up the following (ie. next) weekend and I said that I wasn't but could do something this weekend (ie. the one just gone). She said she was busy and I said "well just let me know. I've got a busy weekend but can make some time..even if its just a quick coffee somewhere". She said she might be able to find some time on Sunday and that she would call me over the weekend.

 

Well she did call but only to leave a blank voicemail and then nothing all weekend....so I stupidly texted yesterday evening saying "Shame we couldn't meet up this weekend, but there'll be other opportunities. Have fun in Sydney" (she's off there for a bit).

 

Now I obviously did that to get a reaction and that hasn't happened. So I'm cursing myself for doing it, but more importantly I'm fed up with her blowing hot & cold. I know its only an offhand promise to call me, which I should just ignore, but I'm fed up with her being friendly and then pulling away. So she's now getting strict NC and nothing but strict NC.

 

Posting this to ensure I stick to it...so any words of encouragement gratefully received..

 

Oh and RiverDog, your post re. women ignoring texts rings soo true....

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As others have told me on here - you only need to send one unanswered text to get the hint to never do it again.

 

I'm still finding it difficult to let go of my ex, even though in retrospect I am too good for her and it's very telling when her own friends tell me I am much better off without her as she only has room to love one person and that's herself. Do I still want her back? You betcha!

 

I'll get over it as will you.

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Oh and RiverDog, your post re. women ignoring texts rings soo true....

 

Umm, my ex pulled the same stunt last week, including over my birthday. I got to the same point as you and realised I was being setup over and over, feeding her insecurities while she may well be out and about enjoying herself, with "at least one in the bank" so to speak.

 

I wasn't so nice anymore, I told her that I was bored with her rude, hot and cold behaviour, wished her well and bade her goodbye. She replies immediately with "kisses". If she ever gets in touch again she will get no reponse from me. Nothing.

 

In the street, I will be civil but I will not linger. If she tries the hugs and kisses routine again, I will push her away with a firm "no".

 

Perhaps you may consider the same approach as NC with these types could be seen as a sulk on your part unless you clarify your position and thereforeeee your boundaries?

 

Hurts like hell but I think it was Marcus Aurelius who said "You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

 

Good luck.

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Update - nothing from her until this evening when I sent an email to reply to something a mutual friend had sent to a number of people. I knew my ex was on the distribution list and had contemplated deleting her but thought that would be petty..

 

Anyway sent something to everyone and seconds later get a reply from my ex apologising for not having replied to my text and saying that she has been busy but admits that's no excuse. She's now asked for my availability in the next few weeks (I'm travelling).

 

The old me would have jumped for joy and responded. The current me is cynical and minded to send something on the cusp of being rude. Fortunately I'm also aware that NC is more powerful than anything I might say....so that's what she'll get. If she wants to meet up, then that requires her to take the initiative and not just reply to something I sent. Annoyingly she's now in a different time zone so it will take time to sink in that I am not replying (rather than being asleep)...but she'll suss it sometime

 

Thanks for the support eNotAloners...this is soo tough as all I want to do is tell her how much I love her and want her back. But I'm not going to devalue myself....so silence is a just reward for how I feel...

 

Advice (as ever) gratefully received...

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Two options here hjc,

 

Ignore her and see if she ups her effort to organise to meet up.

 

Or alternatively, you can take the high road, appear unphased by her ignoring your text and respond in kind - while at the same time mentally logging it as her last chance to come good.

 

Her message is a bit intriguing - by saying that she was too busy to text...but also offering that that is "no excuse", she has almost obliged herself to respond to contact coming from you (having recognised her own behaviour in not replying as being unacceptable).

 

I wonder if her email also implies that being busy is no excuse not to repsond for you as well? Probably not...that's the analytical, cynical, hungover side of me raising its head

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The current me is cynical and minded to send something on the cusp of being rude.

 

btw I'd personally hold off on going down the above track at the moment mate. She ignored a text...but has subsequently apologised and not made any excuses. I'd personally let this one slide.

 

Do you think your dispppointment is possibly more related to your expectations not being met rather than her actual behaviour?

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Some good points MajorD (as ever!).

 

I've decided I'm going to wait a bit and then reply to her. I really do want to meet up and so I guess its daft not to reply but again I want her to feel that I'm far too busy to just reply on a whim (after all she doesn't).

 

Anyway as ever advice here much appreciated. God this is still tough!

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