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oh these things are so complicated

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Ok so it has been a while since I visited this site and it sucks that I am back here but it is my own fault I suppose.


Long story short, dated this girl for 6 months and our relationship was amazing but due to a lack of passion and committment on my part she left me. She was moving anyway and we didn't want to do ldr. Well after she moved I freaked out a bit and later found out that before she moved she had met someone when she went on a trip made out and emailed and stayed in touch. I found out about this after she left and i called her and told her I know and that we can't be friends and pretty much @#$k off, I never want to speak with you again. She was very upset and very insistent being friends. I told her no way. So after about 5 months she had called me. I ignored it and later found out that she had just broken up with her new boyfriend. I thought to myself this is the least classy most selfish person I know.


So around this same time I thought to myself I need to get out and date. So i did a bit. Then I met the most amazing beautiful woman ever. I didn't think I would have such luck so soon. So this moved the ex way out of the picture. She was pretty much an afterthought. So we are still dating at this point. Anyway back to the past. After a few months of dating this girl I get a call from a friend telling me that the ex is back in town and she wants to see me. I told her no.


So she was in town for a few days and I was dead set on avoiding her. I accidentally ran into her one night and we ended up talking. It was nice because I had so much animosity built up in my mind towards her and actually she turned out not being the monster I had envisioned. So we agreed to meet for lunch. We did and it was alright. Some good closure and exchange of email addresses occurred. So i felt great and told my current girlfriend about the whole encounter and felt this was going to be the end of pain involved with my ex.


I was wrong it was only the beginning of waiting for emails and looking at myspace and falling back in love with my ex. So over the past few months we have emailed and actually I have been the only one to call. Phone calls with the ex are a bit akward but still good. I know she is nervous on the phone because her voice is breathy and excited. Nervous because she has feelings for me or because she doesn't want to talk to me? We pretty much just keep tabs on each other and don't talk about anything romantic. And I don't know if she knows that i am still in love with her because I have never told her this or even hinted at this. She has never made any indication that she wants me back and I think I maybe holding to some false hope.


I wish I knew what was going on in her head. I think it would be great to hear, "yes I love you and want you back or No it will never happen I have moved on and you should too." Something very concrete. lately it has hit me like a ton of bricks. First off there is nothing that can be done at this point because I will be out of the country for quite sometime. But I can't stop thinking about her and it is affecting my relationship with my girlfriend, I always beat around the bush with her because I could never, out of pride, tell her that i am still in love with my ex.


I am at a crossroads. What do I do? Be as honest and as blunt as possible please. I wish I had never ran into my ex that night but I have and now I have to deal with it. Please a little advice. Oh it has been about a year and half since I broke up with my ex as well. I need to get my head on straight I know.

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Well, first of all you need to understand that there's always a certain mystique to things we can't have or elusive relationships. Sometimes it's impossible to distinguish that sensation from love or attraction. Like the old saying goes "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence."


The best thing to do is to back off the contact with your ex as much as you can and just give it time. I had a similar experience that actually got triggered by a dream I had. It haunted me for a while but eventually passed and went on with my relationship and things went back to being just as wonderful as ever. Take a look at your current relationship... how is it going? If it's going well (don't count any hiccups that may have been caused by your sudden feelings for your ex). If it's been going badly, then I can understand your sudden interest in your ex. Your decision to leave your current relationship should be based on the merits of that relationship alone, and not on your ex. Otherwise you could leave a perfectly good relationship for one that might be doomed from the start.


If you absolutely can't leave things alone... then you need to come out and ask your ex about how she feels about you. You don't need to tell her you love her necessarily, but if she presses you could say that you have been having thoughts and feelings about her. BE WARNED... going down this path could bring about the end of your current relationship because it will drum up old feelings and so forth. My first and foremost advice is to just give this some time and see if the feelings pass.

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