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Any advice on what should i do?


leo_s84
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Well here's the story

My ex and i got together starting july. Everything was perfect, at least for the first month. Then she went to a camp to work, and came back only one day a week to see me.

When she came back beginning of september we had a fight and i said some things that i shouldnt and really hurt her. That same day i left for a week on a trip and talked to her through emails and whatnot, and i thought everything was fine.

I came back and we spent almost the whole week together, she stayed at my place a couple of days and then on sunday she told me she was going to the beach with some friends from the camp, i'm not a jealous guy so i didnt really care.

The thing is she came back strange and we started talking, and she just said she didnt have the same feelings for me as before, so i just told her we where done.

The next week was full of "closure" emails from both parts, and then we spent a whole week with no contact at all.

Then i found out from a mutual friend of ours that she was seeing a guy, from the camp nonetheless, and the day later she contacted me and wanted to see me to tell me it wasnt true, that they "thought about it" (i know what that means) and they wouldnt go through with it. We then met the next day and talked casually for about 2 hours, nothing about us or our past. This was wednesday.

The thing is yesterday at a about 11:30 she called me and asked me what i was going to do that night. I just told her i was somewhere already and we had some small talk and then i hung up.

What do i make of this? why would she call me if she's so over me?

BTW i'm 21 and she's 17. I was her first (sex) and i know for a fact that she indeed had strong feelings for me, at least for a time.

Any help at all would be appreciated.

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Thanks. I know she's confused and she's a great girl so i would wait for her.

 

The thing is what should my next step be? I've been trying to act cool, like i'm ok with her decision. Not begging her or anything to go back. Should i keep acting like this? or will she eventually think i'm over her and stop pursuing whatever she thinks she wants right now.

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Hey Leo,

 

I think the reason she called you back is because she felt guilty. Maybe it is true that she hooked up with some guy at camp. Who knows? Maybe she thought about it, but never did anything. Those thoughts amounted to confusion, anger, and in the end, guilt. She doesn't seem like a total heartless individual, so she just called you back to reassure if everything was okay with you. So, in my opinion, the call was from guilt, or maybe she wants to be with you again. It seems like she's still dependent on you. I'm not saying she's immature. She may as well be very mature for her age, but she's still growing. Isn't she still in high school? She's still meeting new people. I sometimes think about this with my relationship. I'm in 2nd year University and my boyfriend is finishing off high school. I worry constantly about him. I'm not saying choose a person based on age, but more of maturity. Maybe the zest in the relationship was no more. If she calls back again, ask her why she's calling. Maybe she wants a friendship? If I were in your shoes though, I'd tell her to stop calling me. Start fresh.

 

AngelEyez

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Leo,

 

Sorry if that's what you think I wrote in my initial post. I meant that she either feels guilty OR she wants to go out with you again. If she feels guilty, she wants to see how you are doing and such. If she wants to go out with you again, then she feels dependent on you. Maybe its the fact that you were her first for "sex". She probably still cares for you a lot. Maybe the camping experience was just that, a short meaningless thrill for her. It was just an experience, and maybe she wants to go back to old ways. You can take the chance and call her back. See what is up, instead of pondering on this situation.

 

AngelEyez

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From 21 to 17 is a pretty good gap. My ex's first, waited for her to become of age (for lack of a better way to say it). Quite frankly, I thought that was a little sad.

 

That being said, I think you are BOTH rather young and you seem to be going about it the right way, as to handling the breakup.

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Well a little update...

She answered my email today, telling me sorry, that she thought everything was fine and that she's here for me and hopes we can talk again sometime.

I guess she didn't want me back after all, and my decision for asking for NC was right.

Still i got tons of question, i know won't be answered. Like i'm not a wimpy, needy or clingy kind of guy, and i treated her ver well and she knows it. I might have taken the relationship for granted at some point, and maybe that was my fault.

Anyway thanks for all your advice, don't know why but i feel a lot better at least knowing what she wants and where i stand.

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