Drug Addiction, Homelessness, & Jail

[lumbymom]

Well this is a big topic, but this is what I am wondering. My son whom I do not have a relationship with at the moment as there is a court ordered restaining order. He is in jail for the next maybe year, and has been for the last six months. His X girl friend, which they have a child together who is three hasn't seen his dad in six months, and is not told about his dad or shown pictures. The mom, who is a wonderful person feels it it better for him to forget about his dad. I say, tell him about his dad, but the truth, which is "he is a drug addict", he needs help he has a illness.. etc. Be honest with him and tell him in a language he can understand. It is up to her she is the mom, but I just e mailed her and gave her my opionion. The reason I can speak from experience, is the same thing happened to me many years ago, when i left my childrens husband because of drugs, I mean heroin, crack, etc, heavy drugs., I didn't tell my kids the whole truth. Then when i tried to years later, they resented me for not being honest with them. Well that is what I have to say. thanks for any info, any links or anything that might help me.. it might be off the wall ,, maybe she is right, but i don't think so , i think she is just protecting her child. Thanks

[melrich]

I agreew ith being honest with kids but I am not sure about giving that sort of information to a 3 year old. That is an age of monsters and scary dreams and whilst he will know what Daddy means, he will not understand in proper context, drugs and jail etc.

 

If it were my child, I would wait a couple more years before giving him all the facts.

[Hope75]

I agree with Melrich.

 

Even in simple terms, that is way too much information for a 3 year old to understand. It would do nothing but frighten and confuse him- he does not have any capacity to understand that.

 

I think for now his mother's approach is best, and maybe when he is a bit older (8 or so) he can be told that his dad is sick and trying to get help (if he is at that point).

 

I'm sorry that your son is struggling. I hope he choses to clean himself up and try to be sober in the future, it's very sad to see a situation like this repeat itself.