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Want to want


Lubber
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I have had no interest in anyone lately. No chemistry, no attraction, no spark, nothing. At first I didnt mind, but now it's starting to annoy me.

 

I was recently in love / infatuated with this one person for 5 years. You can call it whatever you want, but I was crazy for this girl. Never felt a connection like it before. Well, earlier this year, I relized I didn't like her any more. We're like best friends now, and Im estatic about it, but now I have all this emotion and nowhere to put it.

 

Ive stopped liking her for about 6 months now, and I'm just displaced. Im a very caring and loving person, and I feel like I have nowhere to release it all. Its not that I'm shy or anything like that, I mean, I could go on dates with people but I dont feel the same about it. With this one girl, I just knew, but now its like I dont want anyone. I just want to want.

 

There are people interested in me too. People I find attractive and get along with, but there just no connection, no butterflies driving me crazy to hold her. I dont even want to be wanted! I just want to want. Want to have some guiding force in my love life. A goal, something. Its like im playing monopoly without the money and houses.

 

My heart yearns for an outlet, but my brains all like "not so much. No chemistry for you."

 

My problem is, what do I do?! I've always been guided by emotion before, driven by compassion for another human being, but after half a year of noone, It's like im on an island. I just want to love someone,

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Hey Lubber,

 

I can sort of understand where you are coming from. You want to want, but yet you don't want to be wanted. I sometimes feel quite the opposite, I want to be wanted, and don't want to want. Enough about this "want" business, but I feel this way when I'm depressed. Could this be the reason why you feel this way? Maybe you are striving for another goal in life at the moment? What do you enjoy doing? Any sports? Arts? I think you should get involved with something else, rather than worrying about girls at this point in time. You seem like a very nice guy. You said you want to love someone, but the fact is you do love people because you care about them, right? Is this friendly love, or a different love that you want? You can also try going out with a girl that you are interested in, and see where it takes you. You aren't asking her hand in marriage, but if you want to love someone, show a girl that you care. Maybe in time, you will want to be wanted. In my opinion, when I know someone for a long time, I want to be wanted by them. Goodluck!

 

AngelEyez

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I have to agree with Angel. Iv'e been in your place before Lubber, and it took me being completely SINGLE for almost two years, to feel that way. I was used to being in a relationship, always having a girlfriend. I can't pinpoint what it was, but there came a time in my life a few years back, I put MYSELF first. I went out, did what made me happy, and truly found myself.

 

I realized it wasnt so much feelings or emotions, as it was becoming a man. I needed a lot more substance, than I did in the past. Don't worry about chemistry or finding a girl, cuz believe me, it will hit you out of the blue, when you least expect it.

 

Be happy doing what it is you do now. Keep working at being your own person, and someone will fall into place.

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Thanks guys.

 

AngelEyez, No im not depressed. Im actually quite content with my life. I just turned 18 recently and Im ready to get out of the house and move on to college, but have to wait until school is over. As for hobbies, I love music. I'm a musician and I play guitar and sax. Im in the marching band at school and in jazz band during winter. I also like to skimboard, which is somewhat new and mostly popular where I live, since theres a factory for skimboards here. Its like skateboarding on water.

 

Maybe youre right. I should focus more on guitar. Ive been trying to write some songs but never finished them. But ionno. I feel like love is my greatest hobby. Like, ionno. I just feel like my purpose in life to love, and without the inward drive to love, that compelling force, its like im in the middle of china without a map.

 

joe, how do you know when youve found yourself? I mean I feel happy with who I am and have some great friends. Bleh I hope someone will come along and light up my world. In time I assume.

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Hey Lubber,

 

Focus on guitar and challenge yourself with something new. You also said that the purpose in your life is to love. Isn't that basically everyones' purpose? To find someone and love them forever. If you feel like you need someone to love, then go out and find this love life. Maybe you should write love poems on your spare time, hehe , you seem to articulate your words well.

 

AngelEyez

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  • 5 weeks later...

Im reviving this dead post because I decided to wait it out a bit and pretty much have a similar situation.

 

I decided to jump the gun and asked out this girl that I "liked", and well, it went alright for a bit but in the long run she really wasnt the kind of person I wanted. Honeymoon phase is something isnt it?

 

I guess it was just infatuation.

 

I still feel so unguided. I finally started liking someone after I broke up with the other girl and she liked me too, but because of religion differences she couldnt pursue it, which really pisses me off...

 

Im getting worried and impatient. I want to just ask people I know out on dates and see how it goes, but the ones who I want to ask are too young and the ones who are old enough Im friends with or I dont want to ask.

 

Just wondering if theres any more consolation / advice out there? I keep hearing "just wait and it will come!" But its been even longer now and it feels like im still just floating in still air...

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Apparently I'm posting on all your threads tonight, haha. After reading your posts here, it got me thinking that maybe you can show that love without having to find a date or a girlfriend. Have you thought about volunteering for something? You would be able to help people and show you care about them and that might help you feel better. It depends on if what you're looking for is to have romantic love for someone to just to be caring.

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Romantic I think. I want that special person to care for, to prove my love for. Im a hopeless romantic and need a plausable outlet. I have to admit, when I had that false relationship awhile back I was happy. I could do all these things to make her happy, all these things that make her blush and smile and go "Aww!". Things like taking her out to fly a kite and enjoying eachothers company, or just going to a playground and goofing around (Im fairly playful and you could call me immature and get away with it too Stuff that just shows I care. Ionno, I just love doing that kind of stuff. I want that special someone to prove my love for.

 

Problem is wheres the love?

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I think I'm on the same wavelength as you. I've never been involved in anyone however when I was younger, I would, at the very least, manage to find someone who is intriguing, someone who would capture my attention (not just physical attraction - these are guys that I knew well and spoke to frequently) and after the last "crush" (and I did confess to him but it wasn't the right time for either of us, I just did it to move on) I feel like I've lost interest in the human race. I have guy friends, I do my best to be friendly, go out, meet people and have fun. However, sadly, no one attracts me (and I probably fail to attract anyone either) but I had hoped to find someone in University, even if it's just for fun. University is almost over and there was no one. Lots of friendships and fun but nothing on a more intimate level.

 

However, I also realize.. perhaps, unconsciously... deep inside you just aren't ready. I know for me.. the last crush made me a lot more cautious of who I fall for and I just don't know if I want to go through all that drama and emotional toil again.

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