Boyfriend has ADD & IM GOING NUTS!!!!

[preciousgirl82]

Okay, here's the deal!! I'm 24 and my bf is 25. I've been dating him for the past 5 yrs despite the fact that he has Attention Deficit Disorder. We've been friends since childhood and I enjoy being about 75% of the time but sometimes it gets really annoying when he can't keep up in conversations, when I have to repeat myself 10 TIMES, when he does/says quirky things, and when I have to do most of the planning b/c he has a hard time being CONSISTENTLY dependable. I am a very understanding and patient person but sometimes I wonder if I am being TOO patient, especially given my age and the fact that I can easily get another guy if I wanted to. Sometimes I feel like, no matter how much I love him, am I only kidding myself because I could never see myself marrying him (even though Im not planning on getting married any time soon) and I wouldnt want my kids to go through the stress he does of having ADD. Did i mention that I also tend to make fun of him at times, though thats the LAST THING i want to ever do? He just makes me so mad at times even though I know its not his fault. ...

...I really want an honest opinion, is it worth staying with him to enjoy the good parts of our relationship or is it hopeless.

P.S. He is getting counseling & taking meds, but I know there's only so much either can do.

HEEEELLLLP!!!!!!!!!

[Tigris]

Is there a support group that you can join?

 

I'm sure if you went to meetings it would help you talking to others who are caring for people like him.

 

However, it sounds to me like you've had enough and you're not going to be able to continue this relationship for many more years. You can't stay with him because you feel that you have too. Eventually you're going to resent him. You said yourself that you've already started to make fun of him, this is not a good sign. By staying with him longer you're giving him the impression that you want to be with him for life and you said that wasn't the case.

 

Your first priority is yourself. We only get one life. It's time to decide what you want for the future. You can still help him by being his friend.

[AwdreeHpburn]

perciousgirl - I'll be your support group. My husband has ADHD and takes meds for it. When he's NOT on meds, he bounces around also and is harder to conversate with. It IS a challenge, but it's easier knowing it's not him, it's the imbalance.

 

Being that he's still young, I will say, it seems to get better, at least more tolderable with age...

[Clementyne]

Being involved with a person who has such sorts of conditions is a very tough thing to do. If you don't feel it in your heart that you have the patience, love and commitment to be with this person, then I think it'll be hard for you to carry on.

 

If you can't see yourself marrying him then you probably don't want to be with him. I agree with Tigris, maybe making fun of him is a sign of resentment; that is, this is not who you really are, but this is what this relationship has made you become. However, the fact that you enjoy being around him 75% of the time given that he has this condition is not that bad. This is who he is, he will probably get better and he will probably remain the same. But, you'll have to decide.

 

Whatever you decide to do, tell him you'll always be there for him and don't abandon your friendship; you guys seem to have a history, don't let anything destroy that. I really feel sorry for him

 

Wish you luck..

[Siriana]

If you don't want to get married to him, there is no need to continue beeing with him.

 

Yeah, I know, it sucks...

[preciousgirl82]

Thanks a lot everyone. You basically told me everything I already knew in my heart but I was trying to ignore. I know its only a matter of time that I'm going to have to break up with him. It just sucks so much because if it wasn't for his ADD he would be the perfect guy for me. He treats me like a queen. But you all make good sense. Thank you!!

[sandyv]

My ex had ADD. He was also very hyper and it also seemed to me he'd get mad at the drop of a hat. He also would also (very often) say things out of the blue that would startle and upset me. Is this a common symptom? - or could that be something else. I ran into him accidently in the bar last night, he just stood in the doorway staring at me for a few minutes and left....... I'd be willing to pay big cash for what was going through his mind..............