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My friend tried to kill himself...


n83
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Hey guys,

You were great for other advice and support I needed, so I figured I'd come here for this too.

 

A good friend of mine tried to kill himself last night. He slashed his wrists and was found unconscious by his brother in their apartment. He was taken by ambulance to a hospital ER and had a blood transfusion and tons of stitches... I'm not sure if he's still in the ER or if they've admitted him. I can't see him, only his friends and family can. I had NO idea whatsoever that he was depressed, let alone suicidal.

 

This is bringing back some bad memories... five years ago my best friend in the whole world committed suicide after learning he was HIV positive (slept with a lot of women with no protection...) I KNEW he was depressed but when he started to feel a bit better, I felt better... and then one night he called me when he knew I wouldn't be home, left a long goodbye message for me on my answering machine, and then shot himself in the head. I have never gotten over it. I still think about him every day and the "What Ifs" continue to haunt me. So many times, I have wished he were around for things that have happened: the birth of my son, college graduation, just... everything..

 

So back to the present... I feel like the lousiest friend in the world for not even knowing that my friend was depressed, let alone suicidal.. I have NO idea what I'd be like right now if he had succeeded, which he came thisclose to doing.. I mean, I've struggled with depression, and I know what it's like.. so why didn't he talk to me about it? Why did I miss those signs?? I am just feeling like a horrible person right now and I can't stop thinking about it :sad:

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n83, you are not a horrible person. You are an amazing woman, mother and friend. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this and that it's bringing back these memories. The way you're feeling is completely normal, but know that this is not your fault. There was nothing you can do. Try to focus on the fact that your friend IS alive and now you can be a support system for him once you can contact him. He's lucky he's got someone in his life that cares about him so much and wants to be there for him.

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Hey...it wasn't your fault! You can't get into people heads and see how they think/feel if they don't tell you...now you'll know and you can be there for him and spend lots of time with him in person to get him over depression...]

 

BTW why can't you visit him at the hospital ? You said only family and friends can, and you're a friend...

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n83 - Of course you can't stop thinking about it because that's the kind of friend you are.

 

I am very sorry for the feelings you are having. I too have a friend, an ex bf, who committed suicide.

 

There is no way for you to read minds. You knew what he wanted you to know. You are not at fault at any step along the way in this event.

 

Just be there for him when you can now, show your support to him now - when you DO get the chance to visit or make a call - and let him know that you are someone he can talk to in the future. Let him know how happy you are his attempt failed, not how sad you are that he attempted.

 

Let him know you are there for him, not how sad you were that you were not. Try to colour everything with a positive spin.

 

Many hugs to you. I hope you get the chance to talk to him or see him soon.

 

-T

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You cannot blame yourself. Unless your friend had told you there was something seriously wrong you could not have known. Even trained therapists and psychologists don't always catch the warning signs.

 

Ta Ree Saw has it right, just be there for him and show your support. Be his friend and let him know that you love and care about him. He needs the love of those around him to get some help and recover.

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Alot of times when a person is deeply depressed they hide it from those they love most because they don't want to be helped, or stopped should they choose to attempt to end their lives or hurt themselves.

 

There is no way you could know unless he told you, or there was some obvious evidence of it, which you said there wasn't.

 

I too lost a good friend to suicide about 2 years ago. He was in constant chronic pain from a terrible car wreck 10 years before and he had become addicted to heroin and was on disability... his methadone was stopped when his benefits ran out and he was so unhappy... he cut his wrists too, his roommate found him with pictures of his sisters tied around his neck.

 

It was awful... but you have to know that you did all you could as a friend... if he did not reach out you cannot be expected to read his mind.

 

((HUGS))

 

I'm very sorry that you lost your other friend, and hopefully when your friend who is in the hospital now is out, you can visit him and talk about it... this may just be the wake up call he needs to seek help for his depression. Sometimes this type of thing can act as a scare for someone who really isn't ready to let go of thier life 100%.

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Hey everyone,

 

Thank you so much for the responses... It really helped to read them, and also just writing them down. I am sorry that so many of us know someone who has committed suicide. It's really terrible... I just thought that after Eric committed suicide, I would be more knowledgeable and better equipped to notice the warning signs in others... Boy, was I wrong...

 

Well I finally got ahold of my friend's brother and he said that he's not in the ER any more, but he's been admitted as an inpatient in the psychiatric wing and he may be there for a while. They can't take him out so I'm not sure how long he'll be there for... If he calls, I will definitely try to be as supportive of him as you all have been of me.

 

Thanks again everyone, I really needed to "hear" what you had to say

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Thanks Itsallgrand..I hope he feels better soon too.

 

my friend that commited suicide was named Erik as well........

 

Yeah it's strange, I sort of knew 2 other Erics that killed themselves before my friend Eric did.. What's up with that

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