Jump to content

To the Dumpers out there


Recommended Posts

To make a long story/situation short...I was in a 4 1/2 yr. long term relationship with a woman that ended back in Sept of 05. I was the Dumpee. Since then I've dated here and there till about 3 months ago when i met a very special person.

 

Now after 3 months I have made a choice to end our relationship with her because she just isn't the right person for me. It was fun and we get along okay for the most part but it isn't it...the one ...the woman who I want to spend more time with.

 

I compare the feelings of being the Dumpee and the Dumper and i feel it's worse being the Dumper. I can't quite figure out why I feel so bad. Being the Dumpee it's pretty much cut and dry. You are not wanted anymore for whatever reason and that's that. I feel a lot and I mean tons and tons of guilt here and don't know why. Is being unhappy not enough to end a relationship?.

 

Any Dumpers out there that would like to respond to this and express how they feel would be greatly appreciated. Anyone else feeling tremendous GUILT dumping someone cause they are unhappy and/or know the person they were with isn't the one?.

 

Thank you to all the great people here on enotalone.com. You peoiple have helped me get through some tough emotional times just by reading your posts. Again, I thank you

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was the dumper after a 4 1/2 year relationship. It was well over a year ago and I STILL feel guilt. The poor guy didn't see it comin. Even though he should have. I tried breaking up with him like 5 times. But don't worry sweetie, you are doing the right thing. I should have broken up with my dude after a year to be honest. But I drug it out for another 3. And he is still having a hard time getting over it, mostly because he is young. His personality type is just like that. But I KNOW that once he does, he will see why we broke up. I was so unhappy that I just treated him like crap. But I was his only serious gf so he couldnt see it. I was in a rut where I became emotionally abusive to him. I just hope that it doesn't hit him so hard one day that he hates me. But I guess it would be better than if he loved me.

 

You will be okay sweetie. If you're not meant to be together, she will learn to appreciate that one day. You are doing the right thing. ((((((hugs and support)))))))

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I was the Dumpee in one relationship and I'll give you my input on that. I think you shouldn't worry about dumping her since it seems like you guys weren't that serious and you haven't made a commitment to each other, right? I think it's really painful when a person is dumped after he/she has been given promises or after the couple has made serious plans with each other. It is also painful when it comes out of the blue and if the Dumper hasn't sensitively dealt with the dumping process. I was dumped after my ex has constantly told me that he loves me and that we'll always be together etc. We were an official couple and there was no adequate explanation as to why he has dumped me. Being very young, I ended up thinking it was because I was not good enough. I still feel very insecure about myself and I always fear that my current boyfriend will dump me. In fact, I constantly prepare myself for it because I don't want it to come out of the blue like it happened the first time.

 

I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. I don't believe that you are anything like my ex, so don't worry. It seems like you've done the right thing; it's better to let her go now instead of misleading her by pretending that she's the one. I think it was mature of you because even though you enjoyed being around her, knowing that she's not the one made you leave her. Some people would simply stay along for the ride especially if they're getting something out of it.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

The dumper never gets any credit. I know that sounds weird, but as the dumper, you're often seen as heartless and as someone who just doesn't care about the other person. Rarely true. It's horrible breaking up, and even when you feel that it's right, you often have moments of sadness, and when you do, you have no one to blame but yourself and that sucks. It takes a lot of courage to walk away from something you know isn't working, often more courage than it does to stay, but all that is forgotten when it comes to the crunch.

 

When my bf of 4 years and I broke up, his friends (who I thought were also mine) just stopped talking to me, as did my ex. They even left bars if I walked in. One day, the gf of one of his friends just cracked and said 'Right, what is it with Amy that you guys have such a problem with? What did she do to ***** that was so horrible?'. And my ex's friend said 'To be honest, she did nothing. He treated her like crap and she finally got sick of it and left. But we can't be friends with her, and neither can he because she hurt him.' I know that's probably an extreme example, but for me, even when those who knew both of us extremely well accepted that it was a good thing for us to break up, I still got branded as the b***h. That's the curse of the dumper.

 

I'm not saying there aren't horrible people out there who are the dumper, I'm just saying it's not always the easy way out like it is often painted to be.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

see in my situation i dumped him he didnt get it and kept calling thinking it was okay so i went round his house to explain again i didnt care if he stayed or went it was over - the whole year i tried to dump him but now he gets it he thinks that he dumped me - we agreed to tell everyone that it was mutual which it was in a way we knew we had no future but in the greand scheme i did it as he had no balls to do it.

 

He makes me feel like i have been dumped - so it is worse -

 

I feel like he dumped me but i actually didid it but everyone thinks it was mutual but i had no choice - it was the right decision so i am happy with not being together but still stigma over dumpee and dumper!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...