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Excercise: Mental Rehearsal - Approaching Women


rekrapshyguy
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It's important to mentally rehearse first conversations with women. Plan what you're going to say, how she's going to respond, and what you're going to do in each possible situation. Also, plan for how you're going to physically and emotionally respond to a woman who isn't interested in talking to you.

 

The Exercise

Choose an approach to use with women, and share all of the steps in detail. Imagine exactly what's going to happen, the words you're going to use, and the body language and voice tone you're going to use.

 

Imagine the woman you go over and start talking to responds the way you fear the most. Tell the response you fear the most, and tell how you'd respond to it.

 

Thanks. I think that if all of us men share our ideas and stratagies about these type of things, we can all benifit from eachother.

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Except life doesn't work according to a plan - you get somebody who's responses are (delightfully?) random, and that's your plot gone done in flames...

 

You know what I reckon? Practice makes perfect. So rather than agonising over the possibilities of one conversation, just start chatting. Talk to women casually all the time, not just in bars - in class, at work, waiting in line, on the bus, in shops, in cafes, in restaurants, at taxi ranks. Practice smiling and chatting, and having a nice time. Realise that you're not going to be shouted at, but that if you're nice and friendly, most people are nice and friendly back.

 

Don't over think it, I think is my response. Just get out there and talk to women without worrying about it!!

 

Good luck.

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Well I dont know if this will help being that i have always been a very outgoing person...Actually without seeming like I have a big head, ive never had a bad experience with a random woman and trying to talk to her....

 

What i usually do is do the casual talk thing...Bring up something very comfortable that you cant go wrong with...Usually if i notice a woman looking in my direction or somehow get into a situation where i will have to say something to someone, i go right for the easy stuff, whats your name? where are you from? do you usually hang out here, etc...if it gets awkard and she doesnt seem interested things will part themselves, if not than the convo goes on and hopefully she can provide the othe half ....

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Dude, when you approach women, just be yourself. Women generally won't respond in any set way. They are unpredictable. And then you will find yourself caught off guard and not know what to do.

 

Just be yourself. Don't pretend to be something you are not. Just go up to a woman, say hello, ask her how she is, and show some genuine interest in something about her. Just treat her like you will treat any other normal person. Just be yourself. If you have problems, just keep practicing again and again and again until you feel confident. Practice is what will build up your self confidence, not mental rehearsal.

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I would think of one topic when going to talk to a girl. Just one, and just general picture of how I'm going to start, like if it was a boring class: "hi, what's going on? You seem like you're actually enjoying this class?" or something, it really doesn't matter - what matter is how you say it. Also the key is to say something. When she responds to my comment in some way, then I'll just react to that. I don't usually worry about "what if she says this, what will I do?" etc. cos you just can't think of all the possible answers. That's why I just try to relax and not worry about things like that because the more relaxed I am, the faster I can react to what she says and be basically funny and confident.

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I find extraneous/random chatting most successful, cause then you dont have to fight yourself in remembering what to ask if you totally get the wrong results.

 

Usually if i plan out an approach, I end up having a shorter conversation (i think in part) cause i find myself trying to get back around to what i initially had to say.

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I think planned words and lines tend to cause guys to be too robotic. I guess after enough practice you can get comfortable with those rehersed lines, but I much prefer to wing it. Notice something ABOUT the girl and then flirt. Observe and tease. Flirting and teasing is fun. If you have a few things that you said that illicited a laugh, then remember it and use it again. I much prefer winging it. If things dont go according to plan guys tend to get discouraged.

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  • 2 weeks later...

The most difficult circumstance occur is when a man see an attractive woman but there is no situation for the guy to start the conversation. For example: A beautiful woman walk forward a guy, she was just walking mining her own business. The guy thinks she is hot and want to know that woman. But Shoot!!! how can he approach her, without scaring her away.

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  • 1 month later...

Seriously

 

I don't have trouble approaching a girl in a social event or calm environment like a coffee shop or a small store but I sometime see a girl I find interesting while in the subway or walking on the street.

 

Like this morning, that girl was walking a few feet's in front of me but I had no idea how I could come up with something that didn't sound too strange to scare her away. This always happen once in a while. You only have a few min. even sec to think of something to say, and thats when my mind freeze. After, I always regret and ideas how I could have approached her always comes too late in my mind.

 

I would like to be able to be quick and think about a way to approach unknown women during that short time, well cause of course I don't usually see them again.

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I am going to defend the OP here. There are a lot of shy, introverted guys who have completely no clue on how to flirt with women. They do not know how to attract a girl through his personality and charm. Instead of acting fun and confident, a lot of guys will act nervous and anxious around attractive women.

 

This nervousness and anxiety will often result in the guy getting blown out. One effective way to fix this is to memorize a script when talking to a girl. With a script, a guy could focus on looking confident and having alpha body language, instead of thinking about what he has to say next.

 

Here's one piece of script that is pretty popular in the internet "Do you know you have a U-shaped smiled? Yeah, there are two types of smiles. There are C-shaped smiles and U-shaped smiles. You have a U-shaped smile" I know that this script sounds kind of dumb and corny. It should not even be compared to the poems that Cyrano de Bergerac composed for Roxanne. But it's much better than looking nervous when you are thinking about what you are going to say next.

 

Once a guy starts understanding how flirting works using a script, he will start developing his own material naturally and spontaneously . The script should only be used as training wheels for guys who are completely clueless on flirting.

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I think the stuff in the original post is good as a second step.

 

I think the first step is to practice just saying "hi" to women and if they want to talk more, then having a spontaneous, unplanned conversation that goes wherever their interests suggest while talking with them.

 

Once the practice of the above becomes easy, spontaneous, and no longer stressful or frightening, then think about your plan.

 

The last step is to go try your plan, but the plan should be just a plan of what your general goals are and a general idea of how to go about it. Nothing to specific because spontanaity is king. The actual things you say after saying "Hi" should be spontaneous and adapted to her on the fly based on the feedback you get from listening to her and watching her facial expressions and body language. Be prepared to succeed or fail and take it in stride either way. If you fail, then try again at the next opportunity with a different woman. i.e. - don't let failure get you down. Each failure is practice and a learning experience.

 

Babe Ruth once said that every time he struck out, he was that much closer to his next home run. He held both the strike out and home run records simultaneously.

 

I think the most important thing is having the courage to try, and try again. Spontanaety based on listening to her is also important, IMO. That spontaneous talent comes from the earlier practice of saying "hi" and trying to start conversations without attempting to ask them out. I practiced for months. Now I'm totally as spontaneous and adaptable in person as I always was online. In any sport, you'd practice before you tried to play a game. This is the same thing, IMO. The plan should be to practice introductions and conversations on the fly and later practice asking women out while fully expecting some failures along the way. So practice should be the main plan, IMO. Other than that, no plan because spontaneous is best and results from practice, IMO. If you really feel the need to plan a conversation in advance, then at least try that out with an attitude of practice. Personally, I don't like plans, other than planning to practice and keep trying. Other than that, I prefer to keep things spontaneous.

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It's a lot more interesting to listen to a lady's words than thinking of what to say next. Trying to dazzle her may just be transparent.

Sometimes I'll compliment a woman on her dress, with no angle at all, if I really like her dress. No acting required. Discuss a film, and listen because she's smart or funny. Why not?

Women are really wonderful creatures, and most have baloney detectors.

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It's a lot more interesting to listen to a lady's words than thinking of what to say next. Trying to dazzle her may just be transparent.

Sometimes I'll compliment a woman on her dress, with no angle at all, if I really like her dress. No acting required. Discuss a film, and listen because she's smart or funny. Why not?

Women are really wonderful creatures, and most have baloney detectors.

 

Well said. That's exactly why I like to keep things spontaneous and listen to her. Listening to her is party fun, partly smart, and it helps determine what I'm going to say next. I don't have a script in advance because I have no idea in advance what she will want to talk about. I'm going to want to talk about her interests, or ideally our common interests.

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