Yes it's me again complaining, but I need you guys!

[Yvette84]

what difference would a couple dates make? really though, it would take a heck of alot longer to get to "know" each other (as you all are saying) in person than that.

[Clementyne]

Yvette84, we are only suggesting that you take your relationship through the natural dating process 1) to be sure that you guys aren't making a huge mistake, 2) because your boyfriend doesn't seem ready to make this big step in his life, and finally 3) because both of you can't afford to pay for this big change as you have mentioned.

 

I know this is not what you wanted to hear and I know that you might have expected us to tell you it is his problem, but we're only being objective and giving you what we think would be better on the long run.

 

I believe a couple of dates do make a difference; you'll allow yourselves to go through the transition from one stage to the next and you'll be guaranteed whether you guys are right for each other or not. Good luck

[ElektraHere]

I don't know so much for dating the baseball player but open up the possiblity that your Mr Something Special may be right in your own backyard. I can't stress enough I know how you are feeling and thinking. That you have this amazing connection with someone and created a bond. The thing is until you meet them face to face and see how they conduct themselves that is the only true marker you have on the type person they REALLY are.

No one is saying dump him, we are all trying to point out things that right now your not really focusing on.

Like i mentioned before if he came out and hated it. If he was having a rough time, or even missed his own environment he will always throw it in your face. He will always bring up that he moved out there for you. That is what I am afraid of for you that in time he may start to resent you.

 

There are opportunities all around for you guys to meet up. Even if you both drove to an in between point. It would be so worth it.

[annie24]

what difference would a couple dates make? really though, it would take a heck of alot longer to get to "know" each other (as you all are saying) in person than that.

 

I think a lot can be learned in just one meeting. Like elektra said - she met a guy online. Before she met him, she thought he was one way, that things would be perfect between them, and when they met in person, things weren't like that at all.

 

We are all concerned about you. he may very well be the love of your life, but there is a possibility he is not. you should meet him once first before you make this big decision for a move. After all, like clementyne pointed out, he IS dragging his heels about the move - he does not appear to be making his deadline. Shouldn't you meet him in person and figure out why?

[Batya33]

I completely agree with Annie yet again (this is becoming a pattern ;-)). I met many men in person through on line where for one reason or another it was totally different in person (and didn't work). More often than not it had nothing to do with misrepresentations - it's just the realities of all of the things you know nothing about until you meet in person. My guess is part of this man's appeal is that you believe you can "rescue" him from himself and his current situation -- true love will conquer all, etc. He may believe that too but not enough to take the drastic step of relocating.

 

I also think it is a big mistake to have him move in with a family member or friend of yours - ti makes it unnecesarily complicated if it doesn't work out or he can't afford to pay the rent, etc.

[Lady Bugg]

I call this situation 'Putting the cart before the horse".

 

Yvette....I have been jerked around by a guy online. It's NOT fun. Yes..there was chemistry, attraction...blah blah blah....but in the end he was just a big bag of wind. I am SO glad I found out what a "toolbox' he was BEFORE meeting him. It saved me a lot of grief. It's easy to sit behind a keyboard and type to someone.........or on the phone. Following through is a MUCH MUCH

different story. Action speaks louder than words.

 

There are SOOOO many things you need to consider when making this decision. For me..it was hard for me to fathom that we actually may NOT have worked out.or liked each other in person .but you know what....the fact that it was so difficult to even get together spoke volumes of things to come. I felt as if I dodged a huge bullet in the end.

 

Just be careful...and don;t be terribly surprised if your b/f gets cold feet when it comes down to the wire. That is the true test.

Just be careful..and keep your eyes OPEN.

 

That said...I DO hope things work out for the best for you ....

[babypink61]

Sorry to be so blunt . . . but I think you've already posted about this topic before. Obviously he hasn't changed much since the last time you posted about this problem. Honestly, it doesn't seem like he's willing to put forth the effort to make this relationship work. Moving from one side of the country to another is a huuuge commitment, and he doesn't seem like he's ready for that yet.