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Can 2 people that are so different, work?


Asimov
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Hi, I'm just trying to work out my feelings here and maybe get some helpful feedback.

 

I recently met this girl and because of her, I am in turmoil and pain right now and I'm trying to understand it better. We have only been dating for a few weeks. I am in my late 20's but inexperienced in long term relationships. We are very different - she comes from a rich family and is physically very attractive. I've never been materialistic and I'm by no means rich and I'm not exactly a male model

 

I have a feeling that if I was to pursue this relationship, it would take alot of work from both our sides. We will both have to make many changes and face challenges that will come from how different we are. Also, I have goals to travel, and the next 6 months are crucial for me to realise these goals (I have to get my working visa before I turn 30), and I've noticed that in order to make 'us' work I will probably have to put in alot of my recources, time and energy.

 

We are so different, and I have very indivudualistic goals in the near future, I'm not sure if it's worth it. However my heart tells me that I like her and I want to make it work...

 

Has anyone been in this situation? Any advice on how to proceed?

 

Thanks

 

Asimov

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Hey Asimov, welcome to eNotAlone

 

I am in my late 20's but inexperienced in long term relationships.

 

What's there to know?

As time goes on, things do change. Also, keep in mind that when you're fighting... just remember: She is not the enemy. If you're mad, try and work things out rationally rather than causing a huge argument and huge hurt for both people. You can let the other person know you're hurt without shouting at them. This is assuming she's a reasonable person to get along with, and to communicate with (some people like to be difficult, or so I hear). But if you've been together a while, and you love eachother, it's really worth sticking through the tough times.

But yeah, since it's only been a few weeks so far, just see how things go from here.

 

We are very different - she comes from a rich family and is physically very attractive. I've never been materialistic and I'm by no means rich and I'm not exactly a male model

 

They do say opposites attract, don't they?

Personally, I know how you feel though. I've experienced that myself, and it takes a bit of getting used to. But it really doesn't matter where you come from, or what you look like as far as love is concerned. If you can both find a balance from eachother's lifestyles that you're happy with, then that's great. Finding the balance can be tricky though, and it takes time, understanding, and compromise from both of you.

 

I have a feeling that if I was to pursue this relationship, it would take alot of work from both our sides. We will both have to make many changes and face challenges that will come from how different we are. Also, I have goals to travel, and the next 6 months are crucial for me to realise these goals (I have to get my working visa before I turn 30), and I've noticed that in order to make 'us' work I will probably have to put in alot of my recources, time and energy.

 

We are so different, and I have very indivudualistic goals in the near future, I'm not sure if it's worth it. However my heart tells me that I like her and I want to make it work...

 

This is where it gets hard. Individual lifestyles don't mix too well all the time, especially where travelling is involved. BUT, it can be done. My sister had goals to travel, and she met a great guy beforehand. He ended up going overseas with her. They went through some tough times together while overseas, but they stuck through it, and now they're happily married.

 

For now, I think it could be worth putting in the resources, time, and energy it might take over the next few months. If your heart says you'd like to pursue this, then I think you should. Just to see how it goes anyway. It is early days, and you can perhaps evaluate whether things are working at a later date.

 

I hope this helps - good luck Asimov

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I'll give an encouraging account of two very different people falling in love.

 

I'd describe myself as somewhat tortured, and eccentric. I'm very interested in, and I study both at college and in my spare time, philosophy and theology. I'm fascinated by the arts, human psychology is one of the most interesting things in existence to me. I speak up all the time in my Sociology class, I'm opiniated about anything to do with people as individuals and societies. I am not materialistic, often in fact I enjoy wearing shabby clothes. Money is no concern of mine despite being raised in a fairly rich family. I'd consider myself an active spiritual tourist, and in the past I have enjoyed voluntary work and plan to do much of it in the future. I am considered artistic, strong willed, attractive and eccentric, in summary. I journal, I eat sushi, I drink coffee, I visit galleries.

 

Now, my boyfriend....he has no time for coffee shops, philosophy, can't draw to save anybody's life or sanity. His passions are wrestling (he is obsessed to the point where he gets paid semi to write reviews of shows), and following his football team in a very ...dedicated way. He is certainly intelligent, but is by no means an intellectual. He cares not for religion, he doesn't enjoy learning for it's sake as I do. Towards depression he takes a much more practical view than I do...a wallower he is not. It would also be fair to say he is more materialistic than I am, much more concerned for other peoples' feelings than I, so much more patient.

 

On paper, I'd never have imagined myself even having him as a friend, but I love him so much it's not even funny. He is the most beautiful person on the friggin' planet to me. I have never felt so loved as I do in his presense.

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i'm like AntiLove_SuperStar

i'm more of the artsy type of person, i'm never seen without either my camera or sketch book. i find people interesting , and if i have somethign to say about somethign then dont try to make me be quiet. i'm not materialistic at all, and i can't say it's because i'm from a "middle class" family because my mother and suster are very materialistic. i also Love sports of any kind, especially football and hockey.

my boyfriend on the other hand is quite different. i have been with him for 16 months now and people have commented in the past about how they are surprised that we are still together because we are so different.

my boyfriend loves coffee and i can not stand the taste or smell of it. you can not tell is my boyfriend likes to watch sports at all, he only seems to go to games if i go and when he's there he seems quite indeferent as to if he wants to be there or not while i get really into the game. my boyfriend and i have music in comon we both like playing music but when it comes to stuff we listen to, i can listen to his and like it but he doesn't like mine at all.

 

anyway the point is no matter how different you think you may be if you really like there person there will be simalarities between the two of you and it can work and if people say that it never will then they adviously haven't been told that it can do does happen every day. vbmenu_register("postmenu_1263723", true);

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It really depends on each couple & it really boils down to how much you two are willing to put the effort into the relationship if it gets serious. Differences are good! But also differences can become an obstacles but can be said about having similar ideas. There's no right or wrong.

 

Just because she comes from a rich family doesn't mean she would expect something similar in her life or from another person. I can relate since the woman of my dreams I met, now a g/f does come from a very wealthy family yet she doesn't live the same way & refuses to get help.

 

If you're feeling it in your heart, follow and it & see what happens! Good luck to you

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Thanks for your thoughts ppl alot of what I've read here makes sense. I'm sad to say that I broke it off with this girl today - it seems that we really are too different but in the end it was not the differences that I mentioned earlier (although maybe they played a part).

 

I found that she often got upset very easily but was not willing to talk it out. She couldn't seem to tell me calmly when I did something that bothered her. She would simply get aggressive and then sulk. I grew up in a home where there was constant fighting and I now it's my pet hate when people talk to me aggressively or lose their temper.

 

So there we go - it seems we were too different but in a less obvious way than I first thought *sigh* It is sad to break it off even when you know it won't work.

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Pat yourself in the back because that takes courage but you did the RIGHT THING. You respect yourself & know what you want. Not very many people would do that. I can relate to short temper girl because my ex was one. It was AWFUL. I didn't think one happy day can literally turn into an Ice Age in minutes with such anger.

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