Sex...with one.

[nikkers04]

My friend asked me a question and I know you guys give excellent advice so I figured you guys could help her out on this one because I wasn't really sure on what to say.

 

 

She has been with her guy since high school...about 3 years. And she has only had sex with him. He cheated on her once but that was over a year ago and they are getting along really well now. But she is curious if it is wrong to want to know what its like to have sex with someone else before she is fully commited to marrying this guy?

 

So what do you guys think?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Simply put, it may be human to be curious, but if you really love someone you don't give a damn how many people you've slept with, or they've slept with, as long as you are both faithful and happy here and now.

 

She has to weigh up what she wants more - to continue in a happy monogamous relationship and marry, or to throw it away for some sexual exploration. It depends upon one's own values, but I'd say if you are even having to make this kind of choice, you're better off leaving your partner as you obviously don't love them that much anyway.

 

(human nature/curiosity isn't that good a defence in my opinion)

[Batya33]

It's not wrong - it's just how she feels -neither right nor wrong. I wouldn't have felt the same way and maybe you would have felt the same way - but that doesn't make it right or wrong. She can't expect her boyfriend to stick around while she goes exploring and she shouldn't do this behind his back but otherwise it's perfectly fine if she wants to risk losing him so that she can explore others.

[quietgrl]

I think your friend should date other men and maybe check out other men sexually because she's still young.

[nikkers04]

What I told her is that she should talk to her guy...tell her how she feels and that she is unsure. She turns 21 real soon so she will be able to join the clubbing life....you have to be 21 in my state to get into a club. She will be able to meet alot of people and that she should just be honest.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I didn't say it was wrong! ALL I said was that she has to choose one or the other and doesn't really dig him that much if it's got to the point at which she's considering...etc

[Crazyaboutdogs]

He cheated on her once but that was over a year ago and they are getting along really well now. But she is curious if it is wrong to want to know what its like to have sex with someone else before she is fully commited to marrying this guy?

 

So he cheated on her. I have a suspicion that her desire to sleep with other men has more to do with not getting over the cheating. She might feel that he had a chance to sample someone else so why shouldn't she. I think she needs to really address her feelings for this guy and whether or not she has forgiven him. It doesn't matter that it was over a year ago, people heal from betrayal at different rates. Having sex with others just for the sake of getting more experience is not going to make her feel any better, and in fact, might spell the complete end of this relationship.

 

what its like to have sex with someone else before she is fully commited to marrying this guy?

 

The question should not be about having SEX with someone else before fully committing to marrying the guy. The question should be about whether the two people are ready for a committment or if more life experience in general and dating others would allow for better growth (not simply to sample sex with others, but to see other personality types and do things with other people). The fact that this person feels that having SEX with others is so important before getting married shows that is not yet mature enough emotionally to get married. Having sex with others is not going to do the trick...a change in attitude will.