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Sorry - too many negatives for me to follow, Helen ;-)


Do you mean before it went "ping" you believed he was an unattractive man? Sorry if I misunderstood. If I understood correctly I had the same thing happen to me once with a very overweight man I dated. Interesting!


I think we agree, yes, it is not about looks but about attraction and that you need to see in person if it works.


I will say though when i did on line dating I was not picky about looks BUT there were certain men where I said "no way" - usually because they were not clean cut/well groomed - usually not just about looks.

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Sorry if I wasn't clear Batya....Bloody typo looses alot!


What I meant was, my b/f always was to me an attractive man, before we were together, I just personally wasn't attracted to him. He had very attractive g/f's and gave off an all round beautiful aura.


He actually isn't so overweight, it's just his beer belly...bless. I never had a problem with his belly, only making the occasional remark that he should watch his diet..blah blah.


But since being with him, his belly is just another part of the man I love. So I suppose in that sense..Love is blind!

We do joke about his belly, but I don't tell him what to do like I did when we were just friends.


I would have him whatever shape or form he is.


But yes...again we agree, there has to be an attraction in the first place, for anything further to progress.

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ok, without reading all the responses, first, how many pictures of him have you seen? the thing about pictures is that they can be very misleading. i once met a girl online who i thought looked very pretty in her pictures and was not attracted to her at all in person. maybe the opposite will be true here, maybe in person you may be attracted to him, maybe those were just bad pictures? i really think you need to meet him, and SOON so that you know whether this will be an issue for you or not. and personally i do think physical attraction is very important in a relationship, just my opinion.

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I also agree with annie. You might find that you are able to be attracted to him once you meet him. His personality may shine through him, making him more physically attractive to you. Then again, maybe not. Give it a chance.


I didn't think my hubby was attractive at all when we first started dating. Even though (I soon found out later) many other girls found him super good looking. But I think its because I don't really find someone physically attractive until I see thier personality shine through. Now, I think he is the sexiest guy EVER. No joke.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Hi Maddy,


I agree with what most have said here ... that you absolutely can't have a romantic relationship unless there is some level of physical attraction. Like someone suggested earlier, if you are repulsed at the thought of kissing him, romantic love just won't happen. A cruel joke of nature perhaps, but true.


I would like to add something ... consider the effect on Chris of a rejection when you first meet in person. Believe me, he will know it within minutes of meeting you. Because you already have a strong emotional attraction for each other, and assuming that he will be physically attracted to you when you meet, his romantic feelings toward you will become immeasurably stronger after that first meeting, and he will be much more hurt than he would if you were to break it off now and never meet.


It isn't shallow to need some chemistry to spark a romance, but it would be incredibly selfish of you to meet him in person anyway, virtually knowing that a romantic relationship with him will be impossible for you. I don't mean to sound critical or preachy, Maddy, but it occurs to me that Chris has a MUCH bigger problem than you do. People here are trying to help you, which is very sweet ... but you shouldn't forget that there are two people affected by this.


My advice is that you should break off the friendship now, so he can start to deal with the pain of your rejection immediately. Unfortunately, you will be losing a good friend, but you certainly don't want him to be hanging on to a false hope for months or even years because you are still in his life.


Good luck,



ps To avoid this kind of disaster in the future ... when you meet someone online, and it looks like there may be an emotional spark, you should meet him (in a public place) at a much earlier point (pictures just don't do it). It will save you both a lot of potential pain.

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