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How do I explain myself?


aggierocker
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I've never had any close relationships, spiritually and physically, with a Jesus-like figure or a human.

 

The other day, a girl approached me about believing in Jesus, and it sounded like she really felt that spirit in her. It made me think, if that moment happened because some spirit in everyone does exist or if its some religious conversion.

 

I grew up in a strong Christian family, Jehovah's Witnesses. I hated it. My mom started me studying up on their literature at age 5. I'm well versed in the Bible, but I didn't feel anything.

 

So I dipped my toes in Buddhism. I read the Tao Teh Ching everyday last August. It made me think, but I didn't really feel anything.

 

What exactly am I suppose to feel?

 

The only feeling that I've felt felt the greatest are my orgasmisms.

 

I've only cared a lot for a couple girls, but nothing happened. I messed up with one because she found out I had feelings for her from online. I still talk to her a little on Myspace now, but she has a boyfriend now. The other just treated me rotten, and she also has a boyfriend now.

 

A lot of girls, I've tried just talking to them and going on dates to see if anything is there. I don't feel a thing, and it doesn't seem like not a thing is working.

 

Most of the other girls I just lust over or show my disgust in their attitude or physical appearance.

 

I feel lost in this way. I've thought about it; if I can't feel anything, maybe my inner self, my spirit, my soul, is nonexistent. It would make sense.

 

I'm not speaking the same language as everyone else in the world. They won't understand me. There won't be any interaction.

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It sounds like you have a sort of longing for a relationship, and struggling to feel a certain way.

There is no way that you are supposed to feel. You are going to feel many ways reguarding religion and relationships. Both of those are ever changing. While I personally believe the truth is the truth, and always the truth, it is finding that truth that is impossible. Every religion believes they are right, and every believer will feel a certain way. 'What you are supposed to feel' is a human idea. WHats wrong with feeling nothing? I certainly don't at times. Sometimes I due, its just the mood I am in.

 

I'm not speaking the same language as everyone else in the world. They won't understand me. There won't be any interaction.

 

I totally understand where that is coming from, and I feel it myself in many ways. Like no one will, wants, or can understand you. A lost soul basically. What you need to keep searching. Stick to your friends, if you want to date; then date. If you don't feel a connection; then don't worry about it or accept it and move on. If you try to feel a connection and make yourself believe you have one - it will only be lost in the long run. So don't worry about religion or relationships and feeling - those change over the years, and eventually you will find what you are looking for. Don't feel guiltty because you don't feel the way you think you need to feel. As long as no harm is done; then theres no problem with having little or no faith. And there is nothing wrong with not feeling any extreme emotions with relationships at this point in your life.

 

Good luck to you!

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I don't think it's abnormal in any way...

 

Not all people are religious or spiritual. I don't think that anyone is automatically supposed to feel that "spirit" that you talk about. If they do and it's important to them, it's wonderful. But if they don't, there's nothing wrong with that (although some people do try to make you think otherwise.) But I guess the main question here is, do you feel like something essential is missing because you don't have that intense spiritual feeling?

 

If you don't feel incomplete without that feeling and are perfectly content with your emotional life, but simply think that you need to feel it because a lot of other people do...I say don't worry about it. However, if you're wondering about religion and spirituality in general, or if you feel a sort of void...You can try looking at this thread (which I started a while ago, haha), people have some good suggestions.

 

As far as girls...you're still young!!! Yes, it's a tough situation to be in, there were plenty of times when I felt like I was the only one not in a happy relationship...but it's perfectly normal to not have that one person that you "click" with until you're older...Just because you don't get a strong feeling with the girls that you went on dates with doesn't mean that you can't have that strong feeling in general! You yourself said that you cared for two girls and that you lust over some others...that implies feeling. And honestly, I think that a true spiritual connection with another human being is a rare thing that you can't expect to find at every corner. Give it time...you'll find it someday.

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I can't help you here, but I can sympathize with you.

 

I grew up Catholic, went to Cath. school from K to high school. And I came out of it more confused than ever. I have nothing now. Like you, I've explored other spiritual paths, including going to a Baptist church, to reading up on Buddhism and Druidry.

 

The church was a total waste of my time-- I couldn't feel it like the other people seemed to. And they acted like they were in some sort of a cult, which kind of turned me off to it. All they liked to do is preach.

 

Buddhism taught me how to look at my life from a different perspective, but like you said, I don't really feel anything, no closeness to anything.

 

Druidry has a focus on nature, and that's now how I see/feel god. Through nature. I am in tune with nature/god only sometimes, however. It's never consistent. I get in my phases, you know?

 

Ah, I don't know. I'm a lost soul, just like you lol

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Disregarding women... I don't think it's a religious thing. Everybodys inner strength is different I think. Some people are lost, and seek guidance, find that in God and the Bible. They come to believe in it so strongly, that it gives them that spirit you can outwardly see. I can definitely see how, in your situation, being brought up with that would change things though.

 

There isn't any quick-fix. Soul searching takes lifetimes. Many people never find the answers they are looking for.

 

As for myself, I'm a believer. In what, you say? I'm not too sure. I just am. God? Hmm. I'm certainly not Christian (born Catholic, but my family isn't very religious). I was extremely lost a few years ago, and only truly felt this way this year. Once I realised how many people truly care about me, I think. How many people's lives I affect, and by doing something good, how it influences others.

I dislike destructive souls, with no purpose other than destruction - of themselves and of others.

 

Those are my thoughts anyway. Good luck

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Isn't it only human nature? Aren't relationships, physical and spiritually, what make us human? Aren't we human through culture and biology, in the way that we believe in something spiritual or non-physical entity, and of course biologic relationships?

 

Because I lack neither, does that make me not a human?

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No. Relationships do not make you human; they express humanity. Your humanity is something that you are born with. People are sometimes born into deeply dysfunctional families, surrounded by mentally ill people. In that situation, as in a cult situation, it is impossible to develop truly meaningful and honest human communication, because everyone around you is sick. They think and act dysfunctionally, and thereforeeee, your (initially) naturally honest attempts to bond with them are defeated because they cannot respond to you naturally and honestly.

 

Believing in God does not make you human; God does not need you to believe in Him. If you accept your existence as a fact, and His as a fact, it becomes obvious that your belief or lack thereof is not the controlling factor in how God treats you. Your moods and behaviour affect your interaction with other people, not God. God will continue to be God, and to love you, regardless of what you feel or think about Him.

 

Unfortunately, dysfunctional families and environments leave their mark on the developing child. Unless you actively fight back, they teach you to think and act much like they do. You go out into the world, interact dysfunctionally, and are rewarded with more rejection.

 

At your age, the types of things you are saying are not uncommon. They are sad, for someone else to hear, because they are devoid of hope. But I've heard them before. If you continue to withdraw into yourself, you will eventually become a hard and bitter man, who has no means of communicating with other people, and no faith or interest in anything in the world. Your life will be a prison. So. What you are doing is not working; think of doing things you would not do. Interact with people on a level that cannot be mistaken: Volunteer in a soup kitchen. Join a service club in your area that works to help underprivileged or sick kids. Give, and maybe you'll receive.

 

At the risk of offending you, or others, I might add that Christians do not consider Jehovah's Witnesses to be Christian; there are certain key beliefs about Christ that J.W.'s do not share with Christians, which is why they are not accepted by other Christians. I throw that out there because it has possibly something to do with your "feeling nothing" spiritually; perhaps it matters what you believe, if you want to experience Christianity.

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