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how do you have an LDR with someone who doesn't like the phone?


pudding
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my boyfriend claims to love me. when we're together he's almost the perfect boyfriend. but we live 1700 miles apart and will stay that way for a couple of years. we've never not been in LDR. now we meet once every 3 months because of money/ busy schedules.

 

my problems is I love talking on the phone. I find it relaxing. and I anytime anything happens, i want to share it with my SO. but he is not a phone person at all. I know this because when I'm with him, eh won't answer other people's calls etc. he doesn't notice where his cell phone is etc. so anyway, he's also extremely busy at work with projects, and very stressed and tired. so we talk on the phone only fridays, saturdays and maybe once in the week. sometimes he doesn't even take my calls or call me back, and says later he didnt check messages, fell asleep, forgot his cell, etc. we argue about this a lot. I end up always leaving nasty messages and suggesting breaks. I know I'm getting on his nerves and acting really clingy, but I want to know -- how often should couples in LDRs ideally talk? when my friends tell me they talk every day, and meet every month, I feel insecure about my own relationship.

 

help!

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I talk to my fiancee in Australia every day. We talk on Skype which is a computer programe that's free in Australia and England. People in USA have to pay for it apparently.

 

link removed Try the website.

 

We've only seen each other for 2 weeks in the period of a year. We won't be able to spend any time together until she comes to England in June 2007. We're getting married in July.

 

I also communicate by sending presents and cards. She loves getting surprises.

 

With LDR's you've got to learn to trust each other.

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it's not about skype. long distance calls are free for us in the states with cell phones. it's about him being too tired and not in the mood for a chat on the phone. he likes to talk every other day or so. during the week especially, he's just too busy and tired. I guess I should just trust him as you say and leave him alone to do his own thing. but it's hard because I'm a grad student, I have a lot of time and I love to talk.

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3 times a week is a lot.

 

I think a lot of men don't want to hang on the phone chit chatting for hours like many women do.

 

I probably talk to my bf on the phone 3-4 times a month.

 

Most of the time we sms.

 

Phone may be fun for you but it doesn't seem to be fun for him so try to consider that.

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I talk to my boyfriend every single day. It's usually for about 20 minutes but it depends on our schedules. We also talk online quite a bit. You have to figure out what works for you though. If you like talking a ton and he's not crazy about it, you both need to compromise. You need to expect to talk to him less than you'd want and he needs to pick up his phone. That's what relationships are about. Also, if you feel the need to share something little that happened that day, try sending him a text instead of calling. He might respond better to that than the idea of having a whole conversation. You have to work extra hard in an LDR, so I think if you talk to him and explain how important it is to hear his voice, you can work something out.

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thanks for all your replies. I have to point out thtat texting doesn't work. since my SO isn't that hooked on his cell phone and doesn't notice missed calls, how will he notice smses. he also doesn't like typing messages. as for emails, he gets about 200 work ones every day and so he doesn't end up emailing me for pelasure. unless I email him, and then he usually tried to reply right away except days when he's really busy. but he doesn't email me first, without me taking that initiative.

 

the phone thing I guess I should try to understand he doesn't enjoy it nd just give him more space. I want to not call him or complain about him not calling, and see what happens. I want to wait a few weeks and see how much he ends up communicating with me. right now the pattern's always been he doesn't get in touch for a day and a half, and I get really pissy, then he calls me and we argue, and I suggest it ain't gonna work, then we end up making up, and again, same thing next week. it doesn't seem healthy. and we're both in our 30s, so it also sounds really immature. but he never suggests breaking up, and says he loves me and is just busy, so I'm not sure I shd just call it off. what if I'm over reacting?

 

any ideas on what I shd do (considering that communicating more frequenetly really isn't going to happen, I've tried it).

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Seems you have tried several different things. I like the idea of just not contacting him and wait and see what he does.

 

No more fighting about him contacting you. I think if many times when I talked to my bf I knew I would get griped at about not contacting or something, I really wouldn't want to talk to him. It would be a major turn off.

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It sounds to me that you're doing all the initiating. I used to do this with my 2nd husband and when we got married everything seemed ok because he was sharing the responsibility 50/50. Eventually that wore off and I was the one who initiated sex all the time, I suggested we went places on holiday and booked them, I booked tables at restaurants, etc.

 

If you intend being with this guy long term remember this is probably going to happen to you too. Is that what you really want?

 

Good luck and take care.

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My opinion is that if he truly was into you, he'd WANT to talk to you. And he'd WANT to e-mail you. And you would be the bright spot in his terribly busy day.... Which would be a day he would NEVER be too busy to call you. Sorry, but this is another case of HJNTIY I think.

 

I'm sure when he meets "the one" for him, he WILL be a phone person. And I'm sure when you meet "the one" for YOU, he will be so crazy about you that you won't be on here asking why your BF doesn't call.

 

Good luck!

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