Need opinions on a tough situation.

[Ikatu]

I have a friend who is deeply hurt. A close friend of her's constantly hurts her. She cares about her friend a lot, in fact her friend up to a recent point was the closest person in her life. Now, whenever he does soemthing that hurts her she pours her heart out, saying how much she's hurt, and her friend just doesnt seem to care how she feels. She's tried to talk it out with him, countless times, and it never seems to do any good.

 

It has happened more times than i can count, and has been ongoing for the last 6 or so months. Today she told him she didnt want to have anything to do with him anymore.

 

Where i need help is, she says that it hurts her to not see and talk to her friend, but at the same time, it hurts her to see him because of what he's doing to her. Whats the best course of action? Does she stop talking to him and cut him out of her life and prevent him from doing what he's doing, or does she continue to talk to him and try to work things out and still get hurt by him?

[LostInMyThoughts]

Are you looking for advice to give your friend?

 

You can tell her till you're blue in the face that she needs to cut him out of her life (the best option) but until she wants to end things with him, it wont matter.

 

Given your two choices, she should definitely cut him out. If she's getting hurt by him (i'm guessing its not physical), then yeah, time to end things.

 

Tell her how you feel, then let her go. Just don't let yourself get taken down by her inability to do the right thing.

[Ikatu]

Yea im looking for advice on what to tell her, i just want to know what most people feel is the right choice, and no, he's not hurting her physically, just emotionally. He just he does something to piss her off, she tells him how she feels and he just seems to shrug it off. She told him (eventhough i dont think she meant it) to f-off today and he didnt seem to care, and in a way she doesnt know if that was the right thing to do because she cares about him so much. And i care about her, so much to the point where i hate seeing her like this and i feel the only way to stop this from happening is by cutting him out or distancing them for a temporary period of time, because he's not making any effort and she's making all the effort in the world. I just dont want to say it so blunty because i fear that she may think that im trying to separate them both, because im not... I just want to do whats right for her.

 

Thanks for the advice "LostInMyThoughts". Anybody else?

[LostInMyThoughts]

I just want to do whats right for her.

 

This is a key sentence. You can explain how you are worried about her, but ultimately it's her decision. The best thing you can do, is support her when she pours out her feelings. Avoid the "i told you so's" and the "Well you should do this..." because I don't think thats what she wants to hear.

[Ikatu]

This is a key sentence. You can explain how you are worried about her, but ultimately it's her decision. The best thing you can do, is support her when she pours out her feelings. Avoid the "i told you so's" and the "Well you should do this..." because I don't think thats what she wants to hear.

 

So what is it that she wants to hear exactly? I've told her im worried about her and that i care and im always here to talk if you need a shoulder to cry on.. I just feel like there's something more that can be done... To be honest, i think she's borderline depressed, not just about this, but lots of other things too. And I've told her that no matter how hard things get, ill always be there.

 

Do you think there is anything else i can do, or have i done all i can?

[Fallout]

Been there done that...tell her the only way is to cut him off completely because :

 

- if she keeps seeing him she'll constantly get hurt

- if she cuts him off and does NC she'll only be hurt for a few months then she'll be over it.

 

Also, with the 2nd option, you can hang out with her as much as you can to take her mind off it and make her realize she still has friends.

[kelkel]

you can lead a donkey to the water but you cant force him to drink!

[Ikatu]

Thank you for the advice everyone... I've told her she needs to move on, as hard as it'll be.. I think she knows deep down thats the right thing but she just wont accept it yet.