Don't know what to do

[Cenobyte]

Hi everyone.

 

I have a problem. I'm feeling more ad more neglected by my gf. She is spending more, and more time with her friends instead of me. These friends include her ex boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, i want her to have fun, and i want her to enjoy herself. I'm not concerned that she's gonna run off with her ex, i trust her completely. What bothers me is,

1. She goes out with her friends, and leaves me on my own, with bugger all to do, alone.

2. It feels like shes shutting me out, which i can't stand. She is onvolved in every part of my life(whether i like it or not), so why souldn't i be involved in every part of hers? I just feel like an outsider all the time, and its really doing my head in. She's out at the moment. With her friends. And i'm just sitting here, bored out of my skull. I hate being without her. So why do i never get invited to join her? Is she ashamed that i'm her bf? does she not want me to know her friends? I feel like shes growing away from me, and i don't what the hell to do, and its eating me up from the inside.

[Beec]

Find something to do without her, and don't invite her, just go. Tell her you are going, and if she wants to go, tell her maybe next time.

[Cenobyte]

but then i'd feel dreadful for excluding her from whatever i was doing

[Day_Walker]

You need to realize that you do have a life outside of your relationship. There are certain things that you will do that wont involve your gf and you dont need to feel guilty about excluding her from them.

[Ms. Babydoll]

I feel the same way about my boyfriend, he does the exact same thing. I've decided to block it all out and be happy for what I have, if she truly loves you she will realise one day when shes with her friends that you ain't there and she'll give you a call and ask if you want to come along. Believe me the wait is long and hard, but it's worth it I guess, I myself am still waiting though

[sixpounder]

i guess you could ask to go with her, but that might be awkward. my advise would be to find something that you both enjoy doing; it will probobly bring her closer to you and she'll enjoy spending more time with you

[Cenobyte]

Thanks for the advice, it helps a lot. Although the thing that really gets me down, is, alhtough our relationship is only 9 months old, we spent most of those 9 months basically joined at the hip. i'm just worried that she is going to spend more and more time away from me, which would kill me.

[Cenobyte]

Its now 20 past midnight, and she's out with friends, and hasn't even sent me a quick text to tell me thatshe is okay, or what time she will be back

[djzen]

first of all try going out with her friends too. at times grab her hand when her friends arent looking. be creative and do new things.

 

try new things together to spend more time with her. dont let her ex get too close. always try to join in the talk. dont do it all the time tho, show her some trust.be thoughtful to keep her impressed.

 

if all those dont help,

tell her how you feel about it and talk about it. the hard things is that she might be trying to slowly avoid you, but thats unlikely. maybe she doesnt find anything fresh with you.

[Blondie_Dude]

I agree with djzen, she may be going out with her friends more and more because maybe she feels like doing something different? This could be a reason why though:

"we spent most of those 9 months basically joined at the hip" - as you said..

 

Your relationship is only 9 months old and you've been joined at the hip the entire time? With a relationship like this you should be going out, doing things that boyfriends and girlfriends do.

She may well be going out with her friends because shes felt like shes lost the feeling/ that rush you get in a new relationship, when everything is exciting.

 

 

My advice to you is, take her out places, for a meal, or out on the town; something you two can do together.

Surprise her aswell, If your going to take her somewhere, dont tell her where, or buy her flowers / chocolates.

If you two are old enough, then go down the pub, have a laugh; and what you'll find soon enough is that shell go out less with her friends, or may even invite you along.

 

Keep her keen dude

[Ediec]

This sounds very familiar to me. Here is my story (go to the bottom if you just want to see my answer).

 

I met my ex-girlfriend at the end of July last year. Everthing was great, everything was perfect. We spent almost every waking moment together. We went on trips from Miami to New York. We were in love.

 

Then mid-May of this year i had to go home to work for the summer. It was only 2 hours away and i came up to see her every weekend (and sometimes just stayed to be with her) for 2 months. She began to hang out with friends she sworn off a year earlyer cause they where a-holes. One of these guys had a thing for her since they first met.

 

When i came back after the 2 months she had changed. She no longer wanted to spend anytime with me. All she wanted to do was be out with them and i felt un-wanted, ignored and un-loved. She did nothing for me on our anniversery. She only wanted to stay with me 3 nights a week at this point and would come home at 2 to 3 in the morning and expected that the time we sleep in the same bed was time 'together.'

 

One month later (end of this past August) she comes back from a trip to Atlanta. Where she went with those 'friends' (and she didn't want me to go) and walks in my door at 6am, and precieds to tell me that I(me) have lost passion in the relationship. She then tells me she needs space.

 

Two weeks later (and still now) she's with the guy that had a thing for her.

 

I've realized now that she never truly loved me.

 

---My Answer-----

 

What I'm getting at is this. I know it may go against what other people have said here but...

 

First: Talk with her. Tell her how you feel and why you feel that way.

 

Second: If she isn't willing to devote the time for you. LEAVE HER. She isn't good enough for you. Now, there isn't anything saying that 1 day, 1 week, 1 month later that you two can't get back together if she realizes she wants to be with you and she was wrong. You know what you want. She needs to know/tell you, what she wants.

 

-------------------

 

I know It may seem hard to think of breaking up with her, but trust me; It will be much less painful on you if you end it, then for her to. The month of September was the worst month of my life. There were several times i thought about killing myself because of her.

 

If I had broken it off with her at the beginning of August i know it wouldn't have been as painful for me as it had. Hindsight is 20/20, so until you have that hindsight trust in the experiances of others.

[Momene]

I'd say its the beginning of the end. Partners are replaceabae. It would serve her right if you find a replacement BEFORE you ditch her. She's not being sensitive to your needs after all. Under most circumstances, I wouldn't normally advise that.

[Cenobyte]

I am absolutley not going to leave her. She is NOT replaceable, she is the person i want to spend the rest of my life with. Just for everybodys info, thanks for taking the time to post advice, but i have since talked to my girlfriend about it, and things between myself and her are great. I have to admit that i was being a tad too possesive. Thanks anyway.

[finewhine]

No disrespect, but keep us posted as to how long this lasts.