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Dumping the dumper


river dog
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Ever thought of NC as dumping those who dumped you? It could really piss them off... they will feel rejected - believe me, they could do and it does no long-term harm.

 

"How dare they reject me after yanking their chain for so long. Me! Who rejected them!"

 

Think about it. The upside is that if they want you back, they could be in touch but on their best behaviour. Otherwise you are just hanging around stuffing their head with the arrogance to enable them to see someone else, if they haven't already, but even then...... ummmm.

 

I started it again this week, but with the message that I am "dumping" her because I was bored and I feel miles better already. Last time, I did five weeks of NC but I did not clarify it with her and when we did meet up accidentally, she thought I was sulking but it was a desperate time for me. She just started her games all over again.

 

Show some independence. If you've been chasing to no avail, "dump" them cold.

 

You could even flake on an imaginary date, though you don't have one. Suggest a date. Leave a one-way message, a text, voice-mail whatever; then cancel before they bother to reply. Don't take their call and if they reply by email, text or voicemail to decline... ignore it and blow them out. Follow me here?

 

"Damn, I was going to flake on them but they got busy anyway. What gives?"

 

Yeah, it's a game but it made me feel better Just a thought.

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I hear what you're saying.........but the only way this will work is if they are using their 'break up' as a way to manipulate you or a means to control you. In other words, only if your ex is into this pull and push game, and not breaking up because they just don't give a sh#t anymore. If they are over you they really don't care as long as you're leaving them alone.

 

But, actually, (besides the dating scheme)...your theory isn't really off the mark.

 

But a word of caution on making up a date......not a good idea. Don't lower yourself to lying to win someone over.

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But a word of caution on making up a date......not a good idea. Don't lower yourself to lying to win someone over.

 

I didn't - it was just a thought, but it may well have the described effect The "dump" I already did, but your caveats are on the mark. I was talking about the kind of ex you define, who appears to get a kick from elevating expectations but then wilfully causes pain. When you chase, this can happen.

 

The question is "do you keep chasing anyway, faint heart and all that?" - now there's the rub!

 

Say a little prayer for me. The **** is going down here right now.

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anytime you do something to deliberately cause pain in someone else (even if it turns out that they could care less) you are doing yourself no favor.

 

Damn, there goes my plan to turn being dumped into a bit of a lark Point taken. Guess I am coming to the end of my blue period, eh?

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I was talking about the kind of ex you define, who appears to get a kick from elevating expectations but then wilfully causes pain. When you chase, this can happen.

 

 

My ex was like that....used his 'break up' (weekly I might add) to make me conform to his expectations. This last time it didn't work-whereas it had for over a year. It was time for me to make him eat crow. I'm not a fricken yo-yo! And if I'm understanding correctly, she is doing to you in the same manner-Using this ultimatum as a way to manipulate?? She expects you to come crawling back?

 

Say a little prayer for me. The **** is going down here right now[/i].

 

Oh tell!! What's going on??

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