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What would you do?


ImThatGirl
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Have a friend who has a friend in Iraq. She met him online, has never met him in person. She's known him for about a year.

 

She and he grew very close and during the summer talked about future plans of meeting and being "in love."

 

She then crossed paths with an old friend and has since been seeing him quite seriously.

 

She can't bring herself to tell friend in Iraq that they may not be meeting when he comes home... She knows it's not right to allow him to believe things are okay but is worried about telling him while he's there and would rather wait until he comes home...... She doesn't contact him but when he calls her, she continues conversation somewhat like the conversations they had in the summer.

 

She has asked me for advice and I don't know what to say. I think she shouldn't have gotten in this situation in the first place. But that doesn't help. I don't think I could tell him while he's there if I were her. Yet, I don't think it's right to wait either.

 

Anyhow, I thought I'd ask all of you if you have any words of wisdom....?

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if it were me I would wait. The guys over there have enough to worry about without being distracted because they're hurt over a girl. I would keep being friendly and let him down easy when he gets back. That could come back to bite her too though,because then he may say "why didn't you tell me before"... it's a sticky situation and ultimatley her choice...

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I cant imagine he pain when i come home thinking there is a girl waiting for me only to find out she is dumping me.

Can you imagine that expectation and the heart break??

 

 

I can imagine the pain, but he will also feel the same pain if she tells him right now. What if he goes out and decides to end his pain? I assume he is in the military and surrounded by loaded weapons.

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That's one thing we have discussed how horrible that would be. They live several states away from each other and the reality of either of them being able to relocate was/is dim.

 

But on the other side. Can you imagine being over there and holding onto someone to get you through the days and then having to go through the reality that it's over, while being there?

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It has been a fact of military life for centuries that soldiers serving abroad get dumped by their girlfriends, fiancés and wives. In WWII it was known as getting a "Dear John" letter. Many military people half expect it - most know someone to whom it has happened.

 

He won't be surprised if he is told now.

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definitely tell now. The sooner he knows, the more time he'll have to heal. If your friend keeps stringing him along till he comes back (and, when is this going to be, with the current state of affairs), I think the heartbreak will be bigger, because on the way back he'll have much higher expectations of things to happen, vs now, when everything has been pretty much online/over the phone, and thus has an aura of a dream.

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