Jump to content

300 miles apart, guys hitting on wifey.


4given
 Share

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone. I've been trying to vent out my problems to my friends, but none of them have ever said anything comforting or reassurring, so I've decided to vent it out here at enotalone and hope that I get helpful advice.

 

Well, I'm 18 years old living in San Diego, California. My girlfriend, who is currently 16 years old, just moved out of the state a couple of weeks ago with her family to Las Vegas, Nevada, a good 300-something miles away. We've been together for four years and I love her with all my heart. I trust her with everything. She just started attending her new high school last week, and she made a lasting first impression on all the students in that school. In other words, everyone loves her. Especially the guys, single or not. Just last night, she had an outing with her friends with an even number of girls and guys, so practically everyone was paired up. My girlfriend was paired up with a guy named Matt who is terribly in love with her. He's a sweet talker and a pretty boy, so I'm not sure if I should accept him as competition. When my girlfriend came home from that outing at around 11 pm (they were out for four hours), I called her. She admitted that she was tempted to do things with Matt while they were out, like cuddle and hold hands. But she didn't.

 

I don't know if I should be concerned with her minor temptations or accept

Matt as my competition. With my girlfriend one state away from me, I can't make an awesome appearance in front of her friends and make all the guys at school jealous, making them stop with their persistent attempts at getting with my girlfriend.

 

I trust my girlfriend, I really do, don't get me wrong. I just don't trust the guys who are hitting on her. Especially since they know for sure that she's taken and faithful, and they're taking our long distance relationship to their advantage.

 

I'd like some advice, this is all new to me, and I seriously don't know what to do.

 

Edit: She's going to be in Las Vegas for two years, and prayerfully, come back to attend college down here at San Diego.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi,

 

It sounds like you both have good heads on your shoulders. It's also great that you can be so open and honest with one another.

 

That said, this will be a very tough two years for both of you. How often will you be able to see each other?

 

Judging from your screen-name and your signature, I think you'll appreciate this advice...be as present as you can in the relationship, be as open and honest as you can, and as trusting as you can possibly be, and she'll need to do the same. Beyond that, you'll have to just have some faith that if this relationship is meant to be, the two of you will somehow get through this time. It could prove to be too much, or it could make you stronger. Only time will tell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well, I'll only be able to see her on major holidays and semi-rare family trips to Las Vegas. But atleast once a month, since her mother has major hook-ups with a denist down here at San Diego. So it's safe to say once a month? We have webcam and phone conversations everyday. We seldomly use a chat client to speak with each other, we just connect with our webcams and dial each other's phone number. We do this for hours and hours each and every day.

 

We always believed that God's love is the foundation for the love we have for one another, but is it wrong for me to be concerned of what guys will try to do with her? She's a very attractive young lady, and I don't blame them, but I do get a bit hot headed when I think about it.

 

Yes, we are honest with each other. We do have fights over the phone, but that rarely happens. And if we ever do get into a fight, she usually hangs up the phone and calls back ten minutes later to apologize, which I thank God for. She could never stay mad at me, and I can never stay mad at her.

 

Public display of affection (PDA) is a concern for me, especially on her side ever since she moved to Vegas. When she's on the phone with me in front of her new guy friends, she'd refer to me as my real name, rather than "baby" or "sweetie". She also seems to whisper her "I love you's". Should I worry?

 

This overwhelms me, and I don't know if I'm overreacting.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I have never been in a long-distance relationship, so I'm sure there are others out there who have "been there" and can give more specific advice. But what I will say is this: If she truly wants to be faithful to you above all else, it won't matter how many guys hit on her--she will choose to be faithful.

 

I don't blame you for being a bit concerned by the fact that she seems to be keeping a bit quiet about your relationship around other people out there...maybe you could mention it in a non-confrontational way. She might just be trying to find her place there, or she might just not be the type to want to say that in front of other people. When I'm at work, if my boyfriend says "I love you" on the phone, I'll usually say it back really quietly, or just say "you, too" back.

 

If you guys are going to be long-distance for two years while she finishes high school, you'll have to accept the fact that there more than likely WILL be guys hitting on her, and that she'll even be friends with at least a few. That's healthy. Ultimately, it's up to her to decide if/how she wants to respond to guys hitting on her. One or both of you *may* decide that you're not ready for a long-distance commitment of two years at some point, or it might bring you even closer together.

 

My sister was in a long-distance relationship with her now-fiance for about 3.5 years, and they saw each other about once a month, like you guys did. It was tough on both of them, though, and constant communication was the key. Another was always thinking of nice things to do for each other, and cherishing every moment they spent together.

 

How long did you guys date before she moved away?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Should you worry? What good will worry bring.

Have faith. No amount of concern or worry can change the situation you two are in. She has been gone a couple weeks, You have 2 years of this to endure. There will be a lot of changes & a lot of adjusting. Stay strong, Have faith & Pray about it.

 

Like Chigal28 said "you'll have to just have some faith that if this relationship is meant to be, the two of you will somehow get through this time. It could prove to be too much, or it could make you stronger. Only time will tell."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

We've been dating for four years and two months prior to her leaving. She was a 7th grader and I was a freshman when we met (The middle school had grade 7-9).

 

She loves making it known that she's in love, especially when she was back here at San Diego, she would blurt it out in front of her friends loudly and enthusiastically. But now that she's there, her enthusiasm has gone down the drain.

 

As for me, I'm going through separation anxiety.

 

She's always been modest about our relationship, saying that there are other girls in San Diego who would die for me. She isn't convinced that she's the one for me, so at times, she asks me if I found someone to "mingle" with. I'd always tell her I didn't, but she's always be modest about it, saying that she wants the best for me.

 

I don't really know. I'm confused, I'm lost, and I'm missing her.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I hate to put a damper on this man, but to be blunt you are both young, far away from each other, and at an age where you want to experience new things. With that being said, I think you need to keep up the communication as much as possible.

 

What the hell is she doing getting cosy with a guy that is in love with her anyways? It is cool that she is making new friends, but this guy doesn't sound like he is just looking for a friendship.

 

Best of luck to you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Red flags. She's afraid to show affection in front of her "male" friends? She went on a date? And yes, it was a date. She was probably close to being all up on this guy. The fact that she's even IN a position to "cuddle" or "do stuff" with a guy would be enough to send me over the top. If it was an accident, that is understandable. But she is playing with fire. I wouldn't be surprised if she was cheating on you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Pesimistically I echo the sentiments of Iceman And Luck of the Irish... This doesn't look so good. And since I am in realist mode I agree you two are both young, and she is in a new situation and expiriencing new things.

 

Now, specifically, there is nothing you can do about this. You can talk to her about it and so on, but if you are going to continue this relationship you have to be able to trust her - because it is all on her. Now, if you can't handle that then it is best to just walk away, because 2 years of this will drive you insane.

 

There are certain things that you mentioned about her and her behaviour that make me go "hmmm"... I don't think things are exactly what they seem (just like what Iceman and Luck of the Irish said). Yeah, that's my nickle's worth

 

(Wow, I really am pessimistic tonight!)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

My fiancee lives in Australia and I live in England and we haven't seen each other since February, and won't be able to again until June 2007. We talk on Skype on the computer, or the telephone every day usually for hours.

 

I'm a romantic so I send her e-cards, emails, cards through snail mail, and presents/gifts to remind her how much I love her. She loves it because she never knows when she's going to receive something or what it's going to be. She says she's got things that remind her of me all over her house. When she's feeling lonely she looks at them.

 

Why don't you try it?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey 4given,

 

When I read "She admitted that she was tempted to do things with Matt while they were out, like cuddle and hold hands. But she didn't." It was quite weird. It's good that she's honest and open with you, that's for sure. But, I don't see why she had to pair up with a guy to go out. That seems so odd... You also said, "She isn't convinced that she's the one for me, so at times, she asks me if I found someone to "mingle" with." I'm not saying she's not committed to your relationship, but she seems sort of out there. She goes to pair up with a guy, even though she does nothing with him. She should be concerned with your feelings towards this too. It seems like she doesn't care. It almost seems natural for her to "go on a pair-up date" and mingle with other guys. She doesn't see anything wrong with it. Matt may not be any competition, but I think you should still watch out for him. Who knows what he has up his sleeve? Talk to your girlfriend about it too. Maybe tell her to at least act more committed to your relationship. Goodluck.

 

AngelEyez

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you all for your advice and concern. I wasn't really expecting any help from an online community, but you guys proved me wrong.

 

A little update on how things are going with my girlfriend and I.

 

We talked about that little issue with her and Matt. I kinda went straightforward on her and asked who she wanted more. She didn't hesitate to say that she wanted me more, despite of the distance between us. She finally realized what she was doing was wrong and that having thoughts about another guy shouldn't even cross her mind.

 

Me>> Well, baby, it's all on you.

Me>> Sure, a lot of guys are loving you up there at Las Vegas.

Me>> It all matters on how you respond to them.

Her>> I know how to respond now.

Me>> How?

Her>> First off, I'll pray to God that He'll cast any tempations from me.

Her>> Then I'll tell the guy that I'm faithful to my boyfriend who's back home at San Diego.

Her>> And that I love him. No one can steal me away from him.

Her>> I'll never cheat on you. I've made my decision already.

Her>> My decision is to be with you. To love you, no one else. No matter what.

 

She said that a coupld of nights ago over the phone. Ever since that night, I've been feeling as if a burden was lifted from me. It feels as if she's loving more each day, regardless of the distance separating us two.

 

I'll be sure to keep updating you guys on how things are going.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4given, it sounds like you guys had a great conversation about things the other day. You were up front with her, and she responded with understanding. Keep communicating, and keep praying. You are both young, and things like this are tough, but only time will tell how things will go. Keep everyone here posted. Best of luck!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...