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in relationship and friends with my ex


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My ex and I were together for 4 years and broke up this past March because we just fell out of love with each other. I began dating a new guy and we've been together for 7 months now. The problem is, I'm still great friends with my ex. I still consider him to be one of my closest confidants. The ex feels the same way, I know he's not still in love with me. We hang out once a week or so. I would NEVER EVER even consider cheating on my boyfriend but he doesn't know that I hang out with my ex still.. I would've told him as I have nothing to hide but my ex called once because he needed help naming a new pet he got (i've always been good at coming up with clever names). My boyfriend FLIPPED out (I was sleeping when the call came in), woke me up.

BF: Your phone rang

Me: Okay, I'll deal with it later, I'm tired

BF: I think you should see who it was

Me: Okay, if you insist.

**checks phone, sees it was ex who called**

BF: I know who that was, you know.

Me: Okay...

BF: I should've answered it

Me: You could've, I have nothing at all to hide

BF: Well, what did he want? He doesn't need to be calling you..

 

etc, etc, etc....

 

Now, if he was still friends with his ex, I would be extremely jealous and I really don't know if I would want him to tell me about it if there was definitely nothing going on....

 

What do you think? Should I tell him? It's going to upset him, which I don't want to do......

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of course you should tell him Jen. And the longer you wait, the harder it's going to be.

 

Maybe you could say - "remember when my ex called and you got upset and said he doesn't need to be calling??"

 

"Well, you know we ARE still friends, right?"

 

Then be patient while he flips out, freaks and leaves. Then wait until he comes back and the two of you can discuss the pros and cons of having an ex as a friend.

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oops, sorry. Didn't realize it was going to be that small!

 

My ex and I were together for 4 years and broke up this past March because we just fell out of love with each other. I began dating a new guy and we've been together for 7 months now. The problem is, I'm still great friends with my ex. I still consider him to be one of my closest confidants. The ex feels the same way, I know he's not still in love with me. We hang out once a week or so. I would NEVER EVER even consider cheating on my boyfriend but he doesn't know that I hang out with my ex still.. I would've told him as I have nothing to hide but my ex called once because he needed help naming a new pet he got (i've always been good at coming up with clever names). My boyfriend FLIPPED out (I was sleeping when the call came in), woke me up.

BF: Your phone rang

Me: Okay, I'll deal with it later, I'm tired

BF: I think you should see who it was

Me: Okay, if you insist.

**checks phone, sees it was ex who called**

BF: I know who that was, you know.

Me: Okay...

BF: I should've answered it

Me: You could've, I have nothing at all to hide

BF: Well, what did he want? He doesn't need to be calling you..

 

etc, etc, etc....

 

Now, if he was still friends with his ex, I would be extremely jealous and I really don't know if I would want him to tell me about it if there was definitely nothing going on....

 

What do you think? Should I tell him? It's going to upset him, which I don't want to do......

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Oh dear. I almost wished you hadn't enlarged the font now, lol. What a pickle you put yourself in, hon!

 

To be honest, if you come clean, your boyfriend might not believe you that this is totally innocent. To hang out with your ex once a week for seven months without your current guy knowing? Honestly, if I found something like that out, I would never, ever believe that there wasn't more to it than just friendship. I don't see how your boyfriend is going to be able to trust you knowing this.

 

And I hate to say this...but I'm not sure that he should trust you. To keep something like that secret for so long shows you're perfectly capable of hiding things that would rightfully upset him if he knew about them.

 

Why would you do this, knowing how much it would upset your boyfriend? Be honest with yourself. Is there a part of you that wants the best of both worlds? Your current relationship, along with emotional intimacy with your ex?

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I would NEVER EVER even consider cheating on my boyfriend but he doesn't know that I hang out with my ex still

 

And I have to add...in a way you have been cheating on him. Maybe not in the technical sense, but you've been hiding from him that you're carrying on some kind of relationship with your ex behind his back.

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I don't think being friends with an ex is a wrong thing. I've done it before with my best friend. My ex was ok with it in the beginning but at the end he wasn't ok with it because of my crazy situation.

 

But Scout is right, maybe you want the best of both worlds, a relationship and emotional closeness with the ex. If that's the case, then you are subconsciously hurting your current bf.

 

Maybe you should give your ex some space and concentrate on your bf for a while. NOt sure. But the bf has NO right to tell you who you can or cannot be friends with. That's called possessiveness.

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Does your ex have a girlfriend?

 

I doubt I would stay in a relationship if my boyfriend told me he had been hanging out with his ex one day a week for 7 months.

 

Any chance you can cut the ties with the ex and focus on your bf. I mean really, is your bf important enough to you to do that?

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You kind of have to be completely upfront about your friendships of the opposite sex with your current boyfriend, right from the start. My husband knows I have not one, but four ex boyfriends I'm friends with, but he knew that from the beginning. We've been together almost 20 years.

 

I would just tell him the flat out truth. Ultimately, he's either going to trust you, or he's not. In future, treat your guy friends just like your girl friends -- don't hide them.

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Hey Jen,

 

I think you should tell your boyfriend. You should keep him informed, even if you aren't hiding anything. He may get suspicious after a while. He may think it was a big secret when it really was not. I would have an extremely hard time if my boyfriend hung out with his ex-girlfriend once a week. I would explode and have doubts about our relationship. This deals with trust issues also. I know your ex-boyfriend is still a good friend, but you should focus on your present relationship with your boyfriend and try to make it better. If I were in your shoes, I'd stop seeing my ex-boyfriend, and maybe keep in touch via on-line chats or email.

 

AngelEyez

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