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Dealing with men......


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Woah! You sure you want to get involved with a 40-year old when you are only 18? I was involved with a 44 year old, and I'm 30! And still there were moments when I felt that he had already 'done' what I had yet to experience and so didn't share with me at the level I wanted.

 

What attracts you to this guy anyway?

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Woah! You sure you want to get involved with a 40-year old when you are only 18? I was involved with a 44 year old, and I'm 30! And still there were moments when I felt that he had already 'done' what I had yet to experience and so didn't share with me at the level I wanted.

 

What attracts you to this guy anyway?

 

Can you explain a bit more please?

 

I have fallen in Love with him....we have been together for 1 year now...Its just i get these parinoid feelings sometimes not all the time and I'm just trying to deal with them..

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Well, it's like this. He was 44 and had had several girlfriends before me. I was 28 when I started seeing him and had only had 1 serious boyfriend before that.

 

So small stuff which was so special to me like calling just to hear his voice, or driving all the way to see him just because I felt like it, he'd just 'been there, done that', if you know what I mean. Even if he responded, it was in a slightly patronising way rather than at my level.

 

Maybe it's different with your guy. I just think that the age gap between you is so HUGE at this point in time that you may miss out on 'growing up' because of this.

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You are 18 and probably a lovely pretty little thing arent you? he is an older man, old enough to be your father, no wonder he 'worships the ground you walk on' can you imagine what the last woman he saw naked looked like in comparison to you? woah! no wonder us women get insecure when we get older!

 

If a woman in her 40's went near a boy of 18 it would seem sooooo wrong on many levels, im 26 and wouldnt go out with a guy less than 24 because of the 'age gap' it is apparent.

 

However, when I was 18 I was obsessed with older men! I fancied my boss, my mum's boss, my friend's dads! i was so bad!! I got drunk and snogged the partner of the company who was 38 when I was 17 and I thought "wow he really likes me!" I thought I 'loved' him, ha ha ha but you know he just thought i was a young bit of fluff with t*ts that pointed upwards! ROFL

 

Be careful about investing emotions! by the time you are 25 he may be in or nearly 50!!

 

Are you looking for a father figure? do you think older men are more mature? more able to know what they want? more romantic? more willing to 'love' you and accept your faults? I'm asking because thats how I felt at that time.

 

Its a stereotype. you will find love and romance and acceptance with someone your own age, in time, dont be in such a hurry!

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Far better to have a man who is in his forties who has never been married than a man in his forties who has been divorced, with kids and lots and lots of baggage.

 

as a divorced father in his forties myself, i naturally have a somewhat different viewpoint:

 

i managed to make a marriage last for well over twenty years, and it would likely have continued unto death if i hadn't filed for divorce when it became obvious that we had grown in different directions and that i needed something a bit higher for my soul. despite our fundamental incompatibility at this point in our lives, despite the fact that she forever lost my unconditional trust, we are still more or less friends. in fact, just tonight we talked about how we will go about maintaining that friendliness as we move on to future relationships.

 

i co-raised two children from birth to drug-free adulthood (yes, i'm sure; i know all the signs). i stopped their bloodflow and iced their swollen fingers when they had accidents; mourned with them as we buried their deceased pets; advised them on the right ways to deal with their problems at every stage of their development; taught them integrity and how to get along in the world; took them to Little League, Pony League, casting calls, Dodgers games, Disneyland, the mountains, the desert, the ocean and anywhere else their little eyes wanted to see. despite my imperfections i have given them a positive role model to take with them into their adult lives, and they have expressed their gratitude for that. both my son and daughter tell me they love me every single time we talk.

 

if this is baggage... i'm loaded with it. lots and lots of it. and what does the career bachelor have that i don't?

 

as to the OP's own situation: i just couldn't see myself, at 44, hooking up with an 18-year-old, because the ones i've known are not quite yet on my level. maybe it's different for her and her guy; i don't know. a good number of my friends, however, are in their twenties and early thirties. they are full-fledged adults and we interact as absolute equals. if i should happen to fall for someone in that age range and she for me, the neighbors would be wise to keep any cynical tongue-clucking far away from my ears.

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Bent,

 

I enjoy your replies. We need more men that participate in the capicity that you have.

 

Personally I have a matching set of baggage myself and I am dang proud of it as well!!!

 

As far as the orginal post goes. I have ahrd time wrapping my mind around my 16 year old dating a 44 year old in 2 years. I really am not an age discriminator but that would bother me. Sorry I have not evolved I suppose but I am awful happy to swim in this pond of thinking until my kids are in their thirties!

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