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sex frequency


warra123
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A while back I had a girlfriend who I loved but in time span of two years had probably less than sex 10 times. I got too frustrated about the situation and left her.

 

I'm in a new relationship and me and my girlfriend have been having lots of sex frequintly. The thing is that I seem to want it all the time. She does not want it all the time. But normally if I don't get sex from her I get extremely distant and upset but I say nothing and don't show it. I don't understand why - probably for fear of the same thing happening to me that happened to me with my previous girlfriend. A while after this happens I think back and feel guilty for how I felt because I didn't get any sex from my girlfriend and think I was irrational. Thing is I would rather never have a relationship again than having sex 10 times in two years. The frustration would be too much to bear. Anybody have some advice for me? I think this is going to mess up my existing relationship.

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I disagree with you JSMITH. I am definitley NOT an nimpo. I'm a young, healthy VERY sexual woman. I think about making love to my bf ALL the time, and while our relationship isn't based on sex, it is a HUGE part of it.

 

This is all about the individual. When I was w/my ex I didn't want sex but maybe once every 2 wks, but with my b/f-we have sex at least 5 or six times a wk. Its the way he makes me feel and the level of intimacy I have with him.

 

I can be sitting in my office, working away, and my mind will wander........and I'll start thinking about goin home and making love to him.

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Um, yeah. My girlfriend isnt a nimpho.

 

JSMITH i disagree completely with your post.

Not every guy wants sex all the time, some girls want sex all the time, some girls don't use vibrators, your assumption that females will only 'give up' sex if they feel loved isn't always true. Furthermore the 'fact' you present that 'If she really likes you and relationship is actually going somewhere... you will even get less [sex]' is completely unfounded and i'd bet my life if you asked the ENA community that concept would be completely refuted.

 

PS

I don't know about other people, but personally i bristle when people throw me into a group a la "guys are stupid when it comes to sex" or "guys want sex all the time"

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It is actually quite simple, just because you want sex all the time doesnt mean that you have to have it all the time. There can be benefits to prolonging sexual activity in the short term. This will typically mean more passionate sex on your part since you have been worked up for a while.

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Warra,

 

It seems that when you get denied sex, you suppress those feelings then become passive aggressive. In other words, you're mad about it and will take it out on her in other ways but not let her know that you're upset about it.

 

Figure out a way for her to compromise with you. Don't let your sexual frustrations end your relationship. Be reasonable when it comes to the frequency of your sex life. Sure, some men desire it 3 times a day but there's got to be middle ground and it ought to be communicated to her. Do not keep this inside, talk about it with her.

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I seem to want it all the time. She does not want it all the time. But normally if I don't get sex from her I get extremely distant and upset but I say nothing and don't show it. I don't understand why - probably for fear of the same thing happening to me that happened to me with my previous girlfriend. .

 

well, first off, you remind me of myself in one way. i want sex a lot, and when i don't get it, i get pissed off. very pissed off, to the point where i'll tell my b/f to just go home (so i can take care of it MYSELF).

 

i'm telling you this b/c maybe it's NOT because you're worried about the "same thing" happening to you (what happened w/ your ex).

 

either way, we need to deal with our anger and understand that people aren't always in the mood. sometimes they're tired. sometimes (expecially for girls) they feel gross, ugly or fat that day, or their legs aren't shaved and they don't want you to touch them....

 

you gotta take these things into consideration.

 

and on a side note, if you want sex too much, she might eventually be turned off by it (the fact that you want it so frequently). you know how it is... we want things when they're harder to get.

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warra,

 

I think may be able to offer you some decent advice. I have been in your shoes to some extent. And I think I have found a way around a lot of my frustrations. I need to know something about a woman before I start dating her seriously. I need to know that her physiological sex drive and her psychological sex drive in totality match mine pretty closely. If they don't then I will always be frustrated by a lack of sex and a potential lack of intimacy. It would be a rare person indeed that would be willing to fulfill a daily need in a selfless manner indefinitely when the reciprocal desire is just not there very often.

 

It helped me tremendously actually. In my mind, once I know that she wants sex just as badly as I do and nearly as frequently (or maybe more even), the frustration pretty much vanished. I found myself being the one to delay sex at the onset of the relationship (until she is comfortable and we have birth control measures glued in place). And currently I have stuck to this and am proud of that. It also helps dealing with rejection within a sexual relationship. I am fine with her turning me down because I know there will be an equal number of times when she either intiates or want so initiate.

 

I don't know if this strategy will help you or not, but I do think you need to find a way to counter the negative frustration emotion when she turns you down. And knowing she has a very strong drive that matches your pretty well is a comforting thought....at least to me.

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