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To all eNotAlone regulars and newbies, I get it now!


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I think I get it now. I understand enotalone.com.

 

I was on here for a bit, and really needed / still need the help. But I stopped coming because I felt like I was surrounding myself with sorrow. I am handling this so well compared to my past times. I am keeping myself busy and it is a tad bid easier.

 

But I get it now.

 

You post a thread to get responses from others letting you know that you are not alone and that you can do this. You can make this work and find better. After the posts stop, it stops feeling better. BUT, it's not about that at all I think now. It is about helping others. Helping others not just because you are a good person, or because you feel for others. BUT, helping others really does help you feel better.

 

Example is sales, if your sales fall, the best thing you can do is help someone who is struggling in sales. For some reason that my un educated * * * doesn't understand, this helps you get back on track. There was a famous business man who said the same thing once, whenever he was down on his job, he would help someone who is down and it would bring him right back up.

 

I get it... And thank you... And please expect to see me here more often!

 

If you agree, will you post a reply saying you agree so everyone can see? Because I think just knowing this is really a tool and a support center, not just a place to find quick advice and compassion. This is a tool, and I believe, unless corrected, knowing how to use this tool like above, is going to help me get through this.

 

Thanks! I love you all!

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Excellent advice Jordan!

 

That was my exact situation too.

 

I came here very upset about my relationship (I was an absolute wreck at the time), sought out advice, listened carefully.

 

I knew I was healing when I was able to give back and reach out to others.

 

You feel so great to be able to help someone who was in need just like yourself not long ago, and you learn a great deal to improve yourself overall, communication skills, future relationship skills, etc.

 

Great post, thanks again for posting it.

 

Hugs, Rose

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YES... that pretty much catches the gyst of it.

 

I think I'm a pretty intelligent person. Not only by the degree that sits on my wall... but I've been sucessful and gotten pats on the back. Am pretty well respected at my place of business and with family and friends. NOPE.. not everyone thinks I'm the CAT's Meow...but I get my strokes.

 

But when it comes to problems or issues in my personal life... whooaa nelly. The water's get muddy. I can't see the forest for the tree's. I'm inept and feel paralyzed to act. And sometimes there are no actions that can be taken. I'm great at analysis.... you collect the data and it pretty much is right there in front of me in black and white. But I second guess... and I second guess... and I'm my own worst critic. We all are.

 

So... I'll come onto ENOT... and ask. Here's the data. Here's what I've done. Here's what my possible options are. Anyone want to comment?

 

or... maybe I just need to VENT. I need to scream and get it out of my system... and I need a boo-hoo party. I need a hug. I need a cyber hug. And yeah... it does work. If I know that I am not so unique... if I know that its common... if I know that others are in the same boat I am in. It helps.

 

When I read other peoples posts... and I comment. Offer my 2 cents worth. Yes... it does feel like I not only helped them.. but I helped me too. If I have something inside me that I can offer from my arsenal of experiences and knowledge base.. why not share it? I might see something different from the way they see it. OR.... lol... there are many times I will "LEARN" from reading others thoughts on the same subject. and think.. "HEY.. I never thought of it that way.. but that is a great way to look at it."

 

Its like an interactive learning experience. You offer what you have... you digest what others have... and hopefully you grow from the experience.

 

BTW... after you've spent a bit of time on ENOT... you problems seem to work themselves out eventually. And I think... its the TIME part we all talk about. "GIVE IT TIME". We're such a give me, give me, give it to me RIGHT NOW.. society. Wanting the gratification right away... that we don't understand... TIME. With a little bit of time and distance, yes, things do work themselves out. The Magic of TIME.

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You were the best to me when I came. Remember? I thank you! You are right about the compasion here. In fact, it almost wants to make me find a girl on here, since I know she will be as compasionate as I am as well as a possible hopless romantic. But I have too many fears about messing with this community. It is a special place and I would never want to jepordize that.

 

Wow, that was a tangent. We will keep replys on that note for a differnt day and differnt thread.

 

Keep these coming! It really helps. Thanks everyone! I am really happy to know that people agree with me as well!

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Hi there Jordan5571, your post was very insightful, also you made some points I hadn't considered. I initially did come here in search of problems similar to mine, (being dumped heartlessly) and found many here in the same boat... mine which was sinking desparately. I'm hurting but finding much solace here, people are kind, and you are such a sweet guy I foresee you finding a beautiful (inside and out) girl some day...... probably not long from now either.... anyways take care

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I do feel good! I think no matter how good the relationship was, it wasn't real if they can leave us without the opportunity of working things out. We deserve better! And the thing is, think back to your last breakup, your last heartache. We always thought that we couldn't find better for the few moments, days, months, even a year. But we always did. Right? Each last one was truly better than the one prior. Right? Can you imagine how good the next one will be? And with what we have learned together, we are really ahead of the game and ahead of others. When the right "best" one comes along, we will win. (and the truth is, under the table, at the end of the day, we will have a smile on our face when we are engadged to the perfect partner, and we know our ex's are thinking to themselves, "man, I really f'ed up a good thing ")

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Jordon.

 

What was your situation and do you have any tips besides helping others which I agree does feel good.

 

I just started this process.. about a week into it now.

 

I knwo everyone is differnt, but did it take you only a month to feel good? What else did you do to help ease the pain?

 

John

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I loved with her for 2 years, I loved / love her more than life itself. She assured me it was forever. One day, it was over. She met another guy. Gave me a million of fake reasons that we were not good. I was crushed. It has been a little over 2 months, but almost a month here of NC. Actualyl 3 weeks. I only talked to her 3 weeks ago to give her the keys to the apartment for her new roommate. Prior to that, she sent me a text saything that she missed me. Then called me and told me that she might have made a mistake. I told her sorry, but we are done. That was the hardest thing ever next to moving out of a place I was happy in. But I had to tell her that, beucase if she can do it now, why can't she do it when we have kids, or at the alter, or on our 50th aniversary? I think it is less painful now then it will be in the future. I do believe in second chances. But this is different, it is abondonment. And don't get me wrong. Every moment right now is a roller coaster and an emotional wreck. But I am slowly getting better. I really am. Because of what I wrote in the post above. And a tool, besides going out everynight (I work at 5:30 am for past 5 years, and I Was out late lastnight too, I hated going out on work nights, I actually love it now. I am meeting with all of my old friends and having laughs. Sure I think about her during and get sad, then look at my friends and know that they truly love me, and they would never leave me for someone else), that and helping others is a great tool.

 

Today is the start of a new healing. tomorrow I will feel down again. Actualyl probably in 20 minutes, but I will come back here and I will see if I can help one more person. When I do, for some reason, my pain doesnt look so bad anymore. And I know I am helping them and it feels good to both.

 

Hang in there. Read what people are writing on here, all of the posts. Read the others that post even if it doesnt apply to you. Try to comment on a few, trust me, you will feel a bit better.

 

And a small secret is, I am bipolar, manic depressive, add, and mostly way to emotional (inside) to be the man I am in this body. If with all of that, I can see the light right now, than you should know that anyone can. Trust me! Trust everyone on here, they don't know you and have no reason or gain of steering you wrong.

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Jordan: I've been coming here for about two months and it has helped and I just wish I would of come here before and just maybe I would not of made some the mistakes I did. Can't do anything now and I things good or bad happen for a reason. Thanks for your Post it helped me. -Delusion

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"And a small secret is, I am bipolar, manic depressive, add, and mostly way to emotional (inside) to be the man I am in this body. If with all of that, I can see the light right now, than you should know that anyone can. Trust me! Trust everyone on here, they don't know you and have no reason or gain of steering you wrong. "

 

Ok Im sorry to say this but as a bipolar, if I had posted this I would stop and think for a bit, to me it would scream "manic" and then I would worry about the "depressen" which I know will come next. Im not saying you are right now but I am asking you to stop a moment and do an Ordit of just how your feeling right now. If you think you could be on a manic high, try and carm your mind, for me a fixed rotteen works I follow that and its slows the hole thing down, that gives me time to see when the darkness is coming.

 

In the bigger view, you have said thats it, it ends here to her and started NC, know that now you have the power, what she did was lose your trust, this and that alone has set you to a point where you feel you need to walk away and get free from any chance of her doing this again. That is your will and power, now she must face the pain and the conseqeance of what she did. She has to larn that you can not treat some one who loves you like that and just say "sorry can we go back to where we where".

 

Now its all bout you not you two, your life is in your hands what most of us try and do here and share the pain of the brake and help you stand to face this new life, but there is more you to must come here and help others, help them in the way you feel is right, what is needed as you point of view, there is no real right and wrong in this only your views. Some where on here is some one you will need to hear what you have to say.

 

Trying to do what is right thats what counts, your posts really help so Im saying thanks for posting, thats just my point of view I dont run this site I just pop in and out.

 

All the best, and from me keep an eye on that bipolar, thats what i do

 

Spugly

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