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Monday i really tried to resist the urge to call her after about a month and a week of NC,i dialed her number several times and hit cancel then i just broke down and did it.I didnt bring up the relationship and just asked how her and her kids were doing because i still miss her and the kids,she had no problem talking about what she has been up too but didnt really ask anything about me which is the kind of person she has become.

 

Later that evening i found out from someone that my best friend from Australia who i opened my home to when he came to visit me so he would not have to spend the money on a hotel has spilled his heart out to her and is coming up in Jan to be with her in a romantic way and they are trying to keep it a secret from me which answers why he hasnt responed to any of my e-mails when he said he would be there for me anytime i needed to talk,he was like a little brother to me.

 

I feel so hurt and betrayed right now by both of them and he knows i still care deeply for her to top this all off they have givein my Father at best 6 months to live and they had to take him by ambulance from the nursing home tonight and he's in icu again.

 

I cried and was wishing we will still together because i really needed her support but i doubt she would even care.

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She cares, but she won't demonstrate that because she doesn't want to encourage you to think she wants the relationship back on the same footing. That's why she doesn't ask you anything about yourself. If she were that selfish....why would you have had feelings for her?

 

That said, she's okay; you need to look after yourself, and that means finding support elsewhere. Forget about her, put her out of your mind, and move your life in another direction.

 

But no, chances are, she feels bad for you. Just not bad enough.

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A couple of thoughts here:

 

1) She's grieiving too man, maybe not as much as you, maybe more, who knows. She didn't ask about you because she is trying to put this behind her just like you.

 

2) There is a rule I grew up with that says you better damn well stay away from any woman anyone you could remotely call your friend had serious relations with. Period. No exceptions unless it is waaaay later, there truly are no feelings wrapped up in the situation anymore, and your buddy OK's it. This "friend" of yours did you wrong and he'll get what's coming to him at some point for that.

 

Man, I'm sorry, 4.5 years is a long time. My heart goes out to you because of that and the situation with your "friend" and that with your father. I'm sitting here shaking my head and feeling some tears well up thinking about you being in this situation. My prayers do go out to your father.

 

This is crisis time for you. In times like this, you collect and take stock of what you have and do the best with it. So what do you have? Figure that out and really focus on each and every entity, person, etc. on that list.

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  • 2 weeks later...

My father passed away Oct 23 and now im just overwhelmed with everything that has happened in my life in the past three months,I lost two people that i loved with all my heart and soul,my father and the women i deeply loved.I was hopeing that i could tell him one more time that i loved him and the last time i did tell him while he was in the hospital he looked at me while smiling and said " Yeah,I kinda like you to".He was always a joker .

 

I feel like im being punished,tourtured and my will and sanity put to a test,i look at the rest of my family and they all have someone there for them and to share thier life with,so whats so wrong with me that i cant have that.My mother and father were married 40 years and although it wasnt always a walk in the park for them they stayed together thru the good and the bad times.

 

Yes,i miss my ex and i wish she were here to comfort me and tell me everything is going to be alright but after hearing her say things like "that's just F...... retardated" when my brother had a heart attack and was haveing a hard time quiting smokeing" her being an ex smoker herself" and i told her i thought that was insensitive " You say that im insensitive,well thats just the way i am",when my father was gettin worse her saying "I just cant deal with your family problems".

 

I doubt that she would even care and always had negative things to say about my family,i dont know why im still longing for her..i know its not healthy...but that dosent change that fact that i still love her.If the roles were reversed and i was the dumper i would have at least sent a card to the family.

 

I'm panicked at the moment,the viewing is tonight and the funeral on friday,i dont know if im ready for this and i hope she dosent show up because i dont feel that would help me at all.I miss my father and im trying to keep my thoughts on that he's no longer in any pain and in a better place right now and someday i will see him again.

 

until then i need to be strong for my mother and continue takeing care of her because shes not handleing this very well and is in ill health as well.I'm sorry for the long post but i just needed to try and get some things off my mind.

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Hello fallback guy,

We are so sorry for your loss. I know that you are in tremendous amount of pain right now. Please take care of yourself and keep in mind that you are in our thoughts and prayers. Stay strong! I hope that these dark clouds will be over soon for you,

 

{{{{{fallback guy}}}}}}} Hugs.

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I am very sorry for your loss. I am sure you are hurting so much right now. Please know that people do care. Please try to be very good to yourself as you begin to heal from this pain. It does get better~but I know right now it does not feel like it will. Post here often for support. It is wonderful place to find it, so many people hear care so much for their fellow man. Know that you are not alone.

Take good care,

Lone

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