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Well, after 3 months of wallowing in my own sorrow, I have more deadlines than ever and am soooooo busy. And now, everything that I have put off because of my grieving over my ex is now a mountainous heap of deadlines and problems!

 

To make things worse, today I missed him more than ever, and just want to call him and tell him to come back. But he treated me so badly and I DO NOT want to be with him the way he is now. I'm so confused and so trapped under all my work. I even logged into his email just now and saw that he is also very busy and finally making money (he was very poor when we were together...).

 

I just feel so silly and small and that I can't do any work because I'm just not good enough and that he and his new girlfriend are having the best time... Read my post on "The worst thing that could've happened" and you'll understand.

 

How did you guys cope with the stress of work and the stress of coping with your break-up??? I can't eat or sleep, don't have time or strength!!

 

I'm in serious trouble! Two of my bosses are really mad atme for not making deadlines...

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Wait a minute, you are logging into his email account???

 

First things first here, stop spying on him like this!

 

Secondly, ask yourself, Is this situation worth losing my job over? Worth damaging my career?

 

This one comes down to putting the past behind you (including the spying) and pulling it together and getting the job done (literally). Just jump into your work and do it. Whenever you feel your attention drifting away from this, catch yourself and get back to it. Establish a pattern like this and it will become easier in time.

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Trust yourself that you did what you needed to do, and grieved this relationship in a way that felt right to you, even if that meant putting off some other things in your life for a while. The end of a relationship can be *very* tough, and grieving is important. It's different for everyone.

 

Now, though, you can focus on your work, and on getting as caught up as you can. All you can do is your best. You are NOT silly, you are NOT small...you took good care of yourself for three months, and that shows that you value yourself. My advice would be to stop logging into his e-mail and seeing what he's up to...it will only drive you crazy and keep you focused on him instead of what you can control, which is you and your life.

 

When I have a super-stressful day at work, my instinct is to bear down and just keep working and working until I get as much possible done...but I find that when I'm most productive and creative is when I force myself to take a break, even a short one, in the middle of the day. Go for a walk or a drive, take deep breaths, go to a park, a bookstore, a pet store, anyplace where you can just turn your mind off for a few minutes. That way, when you get back to the office, you'll be recharged and ready to re-focus your efforts. The more you get caught up at work, the better and more in control you will start to feel.

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so tell me, TCP: what are your plans for the future? how much time do you think you should devote to making yourself sick and jeopardizing your job over someone who treated you badly and is now in a relationship with someone else? another three months? a year? ten?

 

EDIT: i agree with chigal28 that grieving is important... at least, when it's for someone worth grieving over.

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Hey Pony...

It's so hard to NOT THINKING ABOUT YOUR EX..I know! You think about him and tell yourself to STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM! Other times you start to think about him, and then by the time you STOP thinking about him, it's already done and you miss him! I don't think there is any way around that! Your heart is craving your ex and you're not satisfying that crave...It's OK to miss him, but when things start affecting your job, that's when you need to take another look around and make a decision to put time aside each day and devote it to thinking about your ex...THAT'S THE TIME WHEN YOU LAY DOWN WITH A BOX OF KLEENEX AND YOU THINK ABOUT HIM, AND CRY AND CRY AND CRY! I think that crying helps satisfy that "crave" for him...at least for me it did...when I was done crying (and don't stop crying until you're ready to stop), when I was done, I felt better! Then agin, I'd feel awful the next day...and I'd cry and I'd feel better!

 

It was very hard for me to STOP thinking about my ex...which is why I put time aside each day BY MYSELF and just layed down and moped...BUT you really need to focus on your job right now...especially because it can affect your life!! Get up every morning, take a shower, put some fun upbeat music on and tell yourself I'M GOING TO WORK!!

 

THINGS WILL GET BETTER OK!

STB

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Regarding the email thing:

 

The hardest thing for me is not to go on her myspace. I fear that she has a new bf on there or even just fear if I see her face I will cry.

 

She is also on my friends lists too.

 

The only reason I am still on there is it is a place to meet potential friends as well as gfs.

 

I can say that I am really proud of myself for never looking. I deleted everything of her, numbers, pictures, everything. I am still not over her. And it feels like I never will. But, I do feel proud that I have not slipped on looking at her stuff like myspace or email becuase I know it will only make things harder for me. I believe she will be married within 6 months of meeting someone. If she didn't abandon me, I would keep fighting for her back. But my brain knows that if she does it once, she may do it again. That I will not be able to survive.

 

Do yourself a favor, see if you can go 3 days without looking at his email. Then 7 days, after that, each day you will be really proud of yourself and will feel like you are acomplishing something in regards to getting over him.

 

I am in the same boat. Except after two years of living with eachother, she came home one day and told me that she met someone else...

 

Hang in there, you and I will survive and find better people around the corner, I promise.

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I disagree with the posters saying that the way you should handle your stress from work is to "just do it". That is good advice in many cases but in this case with the break-up and all, I don't think it's such a good idea to do too much work to make it to the deadline.

 

My advice is to take a day (or at least an hour or two) off, and hang out with some friends/family, get in a good mood and stay that way until your ready to get back to work. If you are too stressed and just sits in front of the computer, your mind will easily wander off and your head just gets blank and you start thinking about other things (at least this often happeneds to me when I'm stressed), such as your ex. And as it sounds to me like your pushing yourself to hard and you're really stressed, often not in a good mood and don't see your close ones as much as you'd like - you really need to get in a good mood, if only for a while.

 

Especially as it wasn't that long since you and your ex broke up, I think you should be with the ones you're close to, as being lonely too much right now isn't really healthy for you.

 

Trust me, your mind works more efficiantly if you're in a good mood rather than a bad mood.

 

 

//C.E.

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