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Let me explain my situation. I dated this girl in college for about one year. We had a great time together, and were really close. One of the great things about it was that we had this great friendship as well as being very attracted to eachother.


As time went on we ran into problems, I think mainly because she had dated a lot more people than I had. This bothered both of us in some ways, I believe, whether we were willing to admit it to ourselves or not. So we ended up breaking up several times, until it was final. I was completely heart broken, even though I was the one that ended it. One of the last things that she said to me after the breakup was that, "You don't know what is going to happen?" and that I was still the one she wanted to marry. This was all said after she had started dating another guy.


This all happened several years ago. We haven't spoke much since. She wanted to be friends right after the breakup, but it was just too hard for me to do. I felt like the best thing was to cut off all contact. So that is what I did. I thought it would give us both a chance to see if we missed the other, and if it was too hard to be without them we would figure that out. She tried keeping ties to me in all different ways (through friends, work, etc.) but I still kept my distance. I started dating other people, as she had already. We have had maybe one or two phonecalls to eachother after all this time.


I guess I thought, well, it has been this long, maybe it wasn't meant to be.

But here is the problem that makes me so incredibly sad, I donn't think there has been a single day that I haven't thought about her when I woke up, or thought about her before bed. Or wonder what she is up to. I would love to talk with her, but the times that we have talked I felt like I was being tested, or examined.


Lately, the occasional thought of her has turned into more. One night I had a dream that we met up again at a party of a friend, and she told me that she was expecting a baby with her boyfriend. When I woke up I was so heartbroken. Over a Dream!?!


I keep having these thoughts about, what if I missed my chance. What if I screwed it all up.


I guess my question is, at what point do you say, this is an unhealthy thought process and you just need to let go completely. And at what point do you say, I need to give this another try.


At the end of our relationship, things were not very good, so part of me says that I cut off contact because clearly we were not in a healthy relationship so what is the point of trying to save the friendship.

The other part of me says, a lot of time has passed, people change. Maybe i should contact her to clear all of this up.

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If it makes you feel better, contact her. In the best case scenario, she is single and she has been thinking about you. However, in the worst case scenario, she's moved on.


Life is a gamble. Nothing is guaranteed. You have to roll the dice and take a chance sometimes. Otherwise you aren't truly living.


Wishing you peace and happiness,


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In a lot of situations, cutting all contact is very helpful to healing and moving on, and checking in with them only sets you back...BUT since it's been several years and you're still not entirely over things, I don't think it can get much worse. Like hosswhispra said, in the worst case scenario, she's moved on -- and by finding that out you didn't really lose anything, just got a solid answer. Take a chance! Worst comes to worst, you won't have to contact her again after that...

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These song lyrics from Jack Johnson, remind of your situation:


Do you remember when we first met

I sure do

It was some time

In early September

You were lazy about it

You made me wait around

I was so crazy about you

I didn't mind

So I was late for class

I locked my bike to yours

It wasn't hard to find

You painted flowers on

Guess that I was afraid

That if you rode away

You might not roll back

My direction real soon

Well I was crazy about you then

And now the craziest thing of all

Over 10 years have gone by

And your still mine

We're locked in time

Lets rewind


Do you remember

When we first moved in together

The piano took up the living room

You'd play me boogie woogie

I played you love songs

You'd say we're playing house

Now you still say we are

We build our get away

Up in a tree we found

We felt so far away

Though we were still in town

I remember watching

That old tree burn down

I took a picture that

I don't like to look at


Well all these times

They come and go

Alone don't seem so long

Over 10 years have gone by

We cant rewind

We're locked in time

But your still mine


Do you remember?

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Yeah, call her up. Don't tell her you're dreaming of her. Don't be alarmed if it feels like she's testing you; that's actually a good sign, if you still want her to be interested in you romantically. She tried to stay in contact, and you didn't want to, so she feels she got the brush-off. First be friendly, make an effort, and then see what happens.

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whatever you do, if you contact her dont mention dreaming about her, and thinking about her daily... .that might come off a bit weird.


Just call her up and say hey, and see how it goes. If shes single, ask her if she woudl like to get together for coffee or pizza and see where it goes.

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