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snapped yesterday


markfromark
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after I made a joke in a very macho manner, something like "oh, you don't understand because you are just a woman", I snapped and broke it off.

After I said that she got very upset and I was like, hey, it was just a joke, an attempt to tease you a little bit, I did not try to offend you at all.

I broke it off mainly because she MUST know that this was just a joke and in no way representative of an opinion that I have. I respect her very much but I thought that if her trust and love in me is so weak then there is no point in pursueing this any more.

Was I way off or am I overreacting (or is she?)?

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Aren't you condradicting yourself? I mean, what about your love and trust? Is it so weak that you would break it off over a argument?

 

 

you have a point there, I was already frustrated because it seemed as if everyday we had a small argument over stupid stuff like this. I reached a tipping point but I feel bad now about my reaction.

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It does depend on the context. Could you possibly give us more details on the conversation that led up to it? Also, the fact you used the word "just" a woman might have upset her, too. It was an offensive remark, yes. Some things may indeed be hard for women to understand, if it's coming from a strictly male perspective. But when we're told we don't understand because we're just a woman...well, joke or not, at that point you're gonna have to lie in the bed you just made for yourself.

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had a pleasant conversation right up to my remark. While the remark sounds offensive I did it to tease her because I know that she is kind of sensitive in that respect. For me it was a harmless tease and I expected her give me a tease back or kick me gently in the butt. I did not expect her to be so mad at me.

What bothers me the most that she asked me to think before I say something like this. If I have to think thoroughly every time I open my mouth then that's the death of the relationship. We both should be able to endure not-so-polite remarks in our every day lives and simply not loose trust in each other because of what we casually say.

Do you only say lovely, positive, friendly words when you are in a relationship? Do you examine every tease and wonder whether your partner is trying to really offend you?

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Do you only say lovely, positive, friendly words when you are in a relationship? Do you examine every tease and wonder whether your partner is trying to really offend you?

 

Well, I believe you were just trying to joke with her, and not with the intention to piss her off. It could be she thought you did mean to upset her, though. So, in that case, it might not be so much what you said, but what she perceives as your intention/motivation behind saying what you did. Try to give her some leeway there, if you can. None of us are mind-readers, and we all are guilty of making assumptions that might not be correct.

 

To answer your questions above, yes, it's a good idea to speak mostly positive and loving words in a relationship. It doesn't mean you're being dishonest, especially if you really mean what you are saying when you're being positive and loving.

 

Now, I understand you want to have the freedom to joke around, too. But, you might also have to realize that she has certain "buttons" that are too sensitive to joke about. As long as she doesn't have a ton of these buttons (which would then make her a very high-maintenance girlfriend), would it be that much of a sacrifice to avoid making certain kinds of jokes?

 

In general, would you say she has a pretty good sense of humor that matches your own? You don't both have to agree on everything you think is funny, but hopefully there's plenty that you do?

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It sounds like you guys are really new and still learning about each other's sense of humor and style of communication. True? Just say the two magic words; "I'm sorry" and mean it. Then forgive and forget and continue on. And stop being so sensitive! Life is too short! Enjoy each other's company and yes, you should be more considerate of the things you say to your SO who you love very much and she you.

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Yaaaay - Do I really get to pitch in my 2 cents here?

 

I posted a thread awhile ago "Is he joking or?" My guy is often sarcastic and jokes about everything. I honestly think he likes getting me worked up.

 

We had to have a serious talk about it. It's one thing if it's a joke about something that means nothing to me. But for him to joke about something that I'm sensitive about is completely insensitive of him!

 

At least I think so...

 

You said you knew she was uneasy about that already. You don't have to review EVERYTHING before saying it but it's a good idea to respect your girlfriend and stop hitting below the belt, eh?

 

Good luck with the apology!!! Hope it works for you...

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