Best Friends

[AvsFan]

If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know who I'm talking about.

 

Is it ok for a guy to have a best friend who is a girl? I've been best friends with a girl for 10 months or so. For a few months, we've been showing some affection (cuddling and holding hands). But the thing is that she's got a boyfriend. She's sorta been freaking out lately cause it's having an affect on how she feels about her boyfriend. She doesn't want to be too close to me, just best friends who are there for eachother. So I guess it's disrupting her relationship and also keeping me from wanting any other girl...

[jsx730]

If you asked me this question 1.5 years ago, I'd say sure. I was in your exact position. Now, however, we've been together for 14 months, and the theory kinda got proven wrong.

[AvsFan]

lol so its not ok?

[NJRon]

Best friends don't keep you from wanting other people. Also, cuddling is inappropriate when one (or both) of you are in a relationship. Imagine how you would feel if you found your significant other doing the same with their best friend.

 

Ten months is rather short to be *best friends* with someone.. I mean... she may be your best friend, but you two have not really seen each other through too many life circumstances to really know each other.. and, thus, to actually know the true level of your relationship.

 

If you are best friends, you should be supporting her relationship by *not* angaging in compromising situations *and* you should be available to others. It's time to get some distance. If you are friends... distance in this situation won't hurt your relationship...

[n83]

I agree with NJRon. ... You really need to distance yourself from her, at this point. What she's doing is inappropriate considering her circumstances, and although she's taken, you're not finding someone for yourself. You can explain to her that you think maybe it's a good idea that you spend some time apart, so she can focus on her relationship, and you can get some perspective.

[AvsFan]

Yea thats good advice from both of you. She's actually asked for some time apart but we never end up following through with it lol. Actually cause I'm somewhat friends with her boyfriend and he like to hang with just the 3 of us. But yea if I'm truly a good friend, I should give her some time to straighten out her thoughts.

[jsx730]

Hows her relationship with her boyfriend? I ask, because if it's at all rocky, this is a setup for drama. Sounds like my situation was exactly like yours.

 

I was friends with both her and her boyfriend. Their relationship sucked, but they were so comfortable with each other that they just stayed in the relationship anyway. Naturally, she came to me to talk about it all the time. This led to us becoming even closer, and eventually we realized we were in love. Let's just say that "much drama ensued", and now we live together.

[AvsFan]

Well yea thats pretty much the case. But they're trying to fix their relationship. She actually broke up with him a couple weeks ago, then she went back to him. She couldn't stand being without him. I guess there's just things she sees in me that she doesn't see in him. She just loves him more and thats her reason to stay with him.

[NJRon]

If that is the case, then she is reaching out to you because you give her some sort of emotional support that she is lacking in the relationship. However, she doesn't "love" you per se... so is not interested in a relationship with you. She does "love" this other guy, but is not getting what she needs out of the relationship.

 

I definitely think you need to make a serious about face in this one... you need to let her stand on her own so she can decide what is right. All that is happening right now is confusing things. She needs to be "in her relationship" to decide whether she wants to make it work. Having both of you is detrimental to that.

[AvsFan]

Yea thats all exactly whats going on! Holy crap lol. Well I'll give her the time, who know's, maybe she'll come back... But I won't dwell on it.

[jsx730]

Oh buddy.

 

Please remain seated and make sure your seatbelt is securely fastened, it's going to be a bumpy flight.

 

Something tells me you both (you, and this girl) are in the "denial stage" where you both refuse to see/acknowledge the romantic connection you have.

 

Do your relatives/parents often comment on your "friendship" with this girl?

Is her boyfriend acting weird/jealious?

Can you cut the sexual tension with a butter knife?

 

This is one of those situations you just kinda have to stick out. Hold your morals close and stick to them as best you can, that's what got me through my situation. I handled the situation as good as I could, and it stilled turned out extremely dramatic, but at the end of the day I knew I did the best I could.

[CamGuy]

If you've read any of my previous posts, you'll know who I'm talking about.

 

Is it ok for a guy to have a best friend who is a girl? I've been best friends with a girl for 10 months or so. For a few months, we've been showing some affection (cuddling and holding hands). But the thing is that she's got a boyfriend. She's sorta been freaking out lately cause it's having an affect on how she feels about her boyfriend. She doesn't want to be too close to me, just best friends who are there for eachother. So I guess it's disrupting her relationship and also keeping me from wanting any other girl...

 

Guy, when are you going to get it. Men cannot be "JUST FRIENDS" with women they find attractive. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. Infact, If i were you, I would high tail it outta there. You are nothing but a cuddle bi_ tch to this girl. I bet when she has relationship problems with her BF, she comes to you.

 

And you have been friends for 10 months!!!. Thats it. Being "that good" of friends with a woman is a waste of time. If she keeps you from nailing other fine chicks out there, and you dont even get to sleep with her, WHAT IS THE POINT MY FRIEND.

 

DTB, and get yourself outta the friend zone.

[AvsFan]

jreese86 is right. but i'm actually open with what i want. she's the one in denial

[NJRon]

Actually, I don't think *she* is in denial. AvsFan the one that hasn't accepted the fact that she doesn't want to be with him romantically.