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Re: Need some reassurance


librarychick
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The other day I posted about my bf not contacting me in over a week. Well I still haven't heard from him. I talked to a guy friend last night and he told me I should stop being upset and become proactive. If I want to know what's going on, I should take steps to finding out.

 

So... I called bf's house last night around the time he usually gets home from work. I didn't think he'd be home, but I figured one way or the other I'd get some information. His mother told me he wasn't in. I asked point plank "Is he ok? I haven't heard from him in a while." She said he was fine; he'd just been in and out a lot. She said she'd told him I'd called and had just assumed he'd called me back. I told her I hadn't heard from him in over a week. She said she'd let him know that he "had to call me". My friend said I did the right thing. It would be one thing if he dumped me and I continued to call. At this point, I'm a concerned gf worried about her bf.

 

So... My next "proactive" move will be: If I still don't hear from him by tomorrow night, I'm going to his job. I'll wait outside with a cup of coffee and tell him I've been worried about him and we need to talk.

 

Any thoughts as to how to start the conversation? I've already made up my mind that I'm going to do this. (If I don't hear from him by then.) But I'm not sure how to start the conversation. I don't want to come off as demanding and overbearing, but I need to let him know that he has to tell me what's going on.

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I would NOT go to his job honestly. What would that accomplish really? Do you think that he does NOT know that he should be respectful and let you know what is going on?

 

If you MUST see him, don't do it at his work, go meet him at his house or something when you know he will be home. Keep work separate from the home life/relationship.

 

You know he is "fine", and not hurt or injured. Honestly, he s just being a jerk or weak and trying to "fade away" rather then be honest with you that he is either needing space for a bit or just wants out. Forcing him to "talk" won't change that. You have left him messages, he knows you want to hear from him and is not replying. If I were you, I would just stop chasing, give it a month and if you have not heard anything at all, then consider it over....now that is being proactive. If he wanted to reach you, he would of...

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I agree with RayKay.....

He's the one doing this for WHATEVER reason - you called, talked to his mother - you know he's alright, not hurt or sick or anything like that. Give it a few days - if you don't hear from him still, then ya - pay a visit to his house - but DO NOT go to his work - bad idea all around!

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Problem is, he's not home. His mother says he's been in and out. And I'm not going to go into his job and talk to him. I'll wait for him outside. I just don't see the point of waiting around and "assuming" it's over. If it is over, me asking for him to be upfront with me won't hurt. If it isn't, then he'll have to face the fact that this is not acceptable behavior. And if he can't, THEN it's over.

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I know you're looking for an explanation from him. Whether it be the answer to why he's been so distant or for him to tell you that its just plain over......but I don't think you're goin to find what you're lookin for by surprising him after work.

I think you should consider this one over and move on. If he was interested he would have called by now. Sorry to be blunt, but I was once in a similar situation and I wish someone would have been blunt with me.

Let it go, move on.

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So how long have the two of you been dating?

How often would you normally talk before - daily basis, few times a day?

I mean - is this TOTALLY unlike him - do you really know him well enough to answer?

 

I think you should just let it go - let him play his little game. It's not as if he'll come back in 2 weeks when you stopped trying and act as if nothing is wrong - then y ou can tell him what a jerk he has been....but for now, I say just leave it alone and move on. Why would you want to be with a guy like that?

 

I know it sucks - because you just want answers - but going out of your way to get them isn't the right thing to do for now. Give it a few days, see what happens.

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If I did not hear from him this week, I'd consider it over, and in your shoes, there would be big trouble for him, even if he did not want it to be over. He's not acting like he is showing you a lot of respect, you must demand it or end it.

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Wow, I am sorry you had to go through this.

 

If you don't hear from him in a week, consider it over.

 

He shouldn't just ignore you unless he tells you ahead of time that he is busy studying or with work, etc.

 

I find his behavior to be very suspicious.

 

Before this happened, how often did you talk?

 

Hugs, Rose

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We used to talk on the phone a few nights during the week. (He doesn't get out of work until 10:30pm) And we'd see each other 3 or 4 times a week.

 

The last time I saw him, we had a wonderful time together. No weirdness at all. He told he he'd be really busy and wouldn't be able to see me during the week (we tried to get in one night during the week just for an hour or so). He said he'd give me a call some time during the week. (He doesn't have a cell phone.)

 

He's had some problems with his step father and some other personal issues lately. A couple of weeks ago he went a couple of days without calling because he was in one of his "moods". He doesn't like to talk to anyone during his "moods" and he told me I wouldn't want to talk to him when he gets like this.

 

I know it's probably over, but if he was man enough to tell me he wanted to get involved with me, I'll be damned if I let him sneak off without telling me it's over. I know we weren't together very long, but this man talked to me about marriage and kids. If it's over, I deserve to hear it from him.

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Well, if he told you ahead of time he would be really busy and:

 

wouldn't be able to see me during the week

 

then I think you have nothing to worry about.

 

He has a lot going on his life so I would just give him a little space to work things out.

 

Sometimes, silence can really take it's toll on us, but he needs some time to himself right now.

 

Hugs, Rose

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I agree with the other posters that you should NOT wait outside of his work to speak to him. Sorry to be so blunt, but that seems a bit stalker-ish. I know you deserve to get an explaination from him, but that's not a good way to do it. You've already tried to contact him several times and he's not even man enough to just pick up the phone and talk to you. Like everyone else said, if he still cares about this relationship, he would've called you by now. Give him another week, if you still don't get a response from him, then I'd say you should just be the bigger person and just forget about the whole thing and move on. There's no point in getting all worked up about someone that's not even worth your time for.

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